How to get through to a MSer?

[Loupa]

My husband has MS. Cognitive and physical.
How can I get him to understand he may be having a cognitive attack when he doesn't think so?
Thank you.

[Loupa]

Thank you all for your responses.

[dragonflynda]

I have had to deal with this with my husband after he has had a bad epileptic seizure and with my son after a major accident.  I accept that these episodes happen and try not to bring attention to them unless they are major.  When they are major, then I think you have to use a little humor and maybe have a code word or something that y'all agree on, where the person can comprehend they are having a "cognitive spell" and move on.  I am MS possible and I have issues and I tell my husband to tell me if I don't recognize I am having a problem.  The main thing I think is accepting that it happens and understanding that it can happen.

[cainer]

well  just  do the best you can  i am  loseing it to-  but  we are still human  still  have some pride.

  if you rub it in  like he is stupid-  he  will just want to get out of your life- just dont take it to far-
my thoughts  anyway     tick

[supermum_ms]

Hmmmmmm, cognitive issues, long before i could actually put a name to what was happening, i was constantly getting confused, a total lack of understanding to it. I probably started out with little things slipping, nothing to do with me lol but then i would find i couldn't name someone i've spoken to just about every day for years, why? oops thats ok, i'm tired, any excuse for the little slips.

When it started happening enough to be problematic, i told my self i wasn't good remembering peoples names, regardless of the fact, thats suppose to be remembering new peoples names, not people you know know. I had to make up little ditties to prompt me, eg madam lash for mrs latch, only problem was trying to work out the ditty or actually calling my son's art teacher madam lash, lucky she has a great sense of humor lol!

I was pretty much still in denile up until 09 when i couldn't name my children, no way you can make excuses for that one, Huston we have a problem, I also couldn't name anything so i wasn't picking on any one person, it was everyone and everything, just nameless! Thats the most dramatic cognitive i think another for the parental guilt thingy box but i still have word retreval or substitutions, comprehension fluctuations that happen depending on how fatigued i am, up and down each day, really.

I dont think anyone would of been able to point out my slip ups with out me becoming defensive about it, not that anyone said anything before i couldn't hide or excuse it anymore. I think I had to be ready to acknowledge there was something wrong and for me that still took an incredible nightmare episode first. I know with my husband, the big issues fall on deaf ears until i write it down, i get everything i'm thinking or worried about out and off my chest, there is no way he can dismiss the concern because i've gone to the trouble of writing it down, he knows there is something that needs addressing and he does seem to take it more serious than if i just keep repeating my self. Just a though but it might be worth trying.

We do laugh a lot and as long as i can see the funny side of the daft things i think i'm ok, we're ok, i can laugh at my self and my antics and that i'm sure helps. Have you thought of getting a funny dvd or starting to point out all your mistakes and having a laugh at your self, it may help break the ice.

Cheers.........JJ

[essdipity]

It has to be quite uncommon for the sufferer not to know when there has been cog decline. Most people here are only too well aware of this problem, and it's a major source of frustration.

I agree that talking to your husband's neuro is the way to start. Possibly he can be referred for neuropsychological testing, which is very precise in identifying deficits. At that point, the situation can be explained to your husband in a medical context, which he is less likely to resist.

Good luck with this. Please join us often with any problems you face. And welcome.

ess

[MarisaV]

I've not been diagnosed with anything, but I do have episodes of cognitive problems. I don't think there's a simple answer, unfortunately.

Usually, when the first start I have no idea I'm having a problems, and it might be difficult to convince me I was (in fact I'd probably be convinced you were the one with the problem).

After a while I do start to realize something's wrong (in which case I try to hide the fact I'm having problems).

Eventually I will take the word of someone I trust... but its very difficult. I have to be ready to accept it.

I think that being examined by a doctor, or a psychologist, or a neuro-psychologist might be a good way of adding objective evidence, and help your husband realize that there's a problem.

I hope this helps some.

Mar

[Mike_Shuswap]

That's a tough one.

I have cog issues too, and I don't always notice I'm saying or doing something odd, or missunderstanding what's being said or asked of me.

My wife gives me 'the look' and we usually get a good laugh at my antics.

Sometimes when my wife points out something strange I've said or done, I'll say "maybe it's not the MS, maybe I'm just getting stupid" (er)

I will however argue when she says I'm really wobbly, especially if I want to do something and I know she won't let me when I'm off balance, like going down to the marina (i wear an inflatable life preserver when on the docks), or walking to the local store.

Anyway, I'm willing to bet your husband knows when he isn't thinking straight, and denying it is a defence reaction. (much like I deny when I'm more wobbly than usual)

If he doesn't realize he's having cog issues, is it important for some reason that he understand that he is?

Cognative problems can be very frustrating for people, both for the one who has them and the spouse.

Good luck to both of you

Mike

[Lulu54]

Hi Loupa, You've found a good place to ask that question.  We don't have many caregivers here, unfortunately.  But we do have a lot of us with chognitive functioning problems.

Is there a specific problem that you want him to recognize or just a general deficiency?

I am assuming that you have tried to talk with your husband about this and have gotten no where.  You might consider talking to his doctor about this problem and ask for testing that may give your husband concrete evidence that there is mental decline. He may need to be shown the problem.

Then also ask the doctor about therapy - there are specialists who may be able to give tips on how to adjust, compensate and/or cope with this problem.  There are all sorts of way we adapt to help with the thinking.  Whoever invented the post-it note is absolutely at the top of my revered peoples list - I use them everywhere to help with my memory.

Welcome to our community-  I hope you will stick around and keep us company.  
my best,
Lulu

[Audrey_M]

I'll be very interested to see the responses here. I have times where nothing gets stored in memory.