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645800 tn?1466860955

Latest session

Today's session at the PTSD clinic was a little rough on me and MORE HOMEWORK! Yuck!

Today the doctor kept pressing me on how I felt about something and try as I might she would not let me escape answering. She sure was inside my mind and after I finally relented and said the first thing that came into my mind she told me I was a master at avoidance! She is right about that as I have had many years to perfect avoidance techniques. She also again gave me homework assignments for the week.

The first one was to sit outside of the main entrance to the hospital  so that I would be exposed to being around a small number of people. I was suppose to sit there until my anxiety levels came down, but I ran into the same problem as Sarah did in her Monday post. The heat started getting to me very quickly. If I had any idea I would be sitting outside I would have brought my cooling vest. It wasn't that warm and there was a cool breeze, but the sun beating down on me is what did me in.

The second assignment is for me to go out for dinner at the local Mexican restaurant during NORMAL dinner hour 3 times this week. That one has me a little worried.

The third assignment is to do my grocery shopping this week at 11AM instead of when I usually go (which means the store is empty or customers). I'm not that worried about this one as I'll have shopping to distract me.

The therapy session must have been harder on me than I thought. My new IBS medicine has been working wonders on me except when I get upset. Well I had to stop twice on the way home due to IBS issues and on the last stop even my bladder was acting up. Not fun at all having to make a mad dash from a store with wet pants. Right this minute I'm not sure if I want to continue with the PTSD therapy if this is the effect it will have on me. I sure could use some encouragement to continue with it.

Dennis
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645800 tn?1466860955
Pat,

  for me it isn't that they super sized the stores so much, but that they keep moving things around. That only increases the wearing me out factor because not only do I have to do extra walking ( really shuffling), but I also have to try and remember the new location. For years the Walmart stocked the lemon juice in the produce aisle, but last week when I needed to pick up some it wasn't there. It took me an extra 10 minutes going up and down aisles in order to find they now had it in with the fruit juices. GRRRRR!

Most of the time I am worn out within 10 minutes of entering the store and I'm sure if there were any older people around they would be thinking they were in better shape than me.

Dennis
Helpful - 0
1337734 tn?1336234591
Hi Dennis,

I am so impressed with how you are handling your PTSD and MS, 2 very overwhelming obstacles! I was treated for PTSD about 30 years ago after a very traumatic, life changing occurrence. I am still not comfortable talking about it without reliving the whole thing, which sets me into panic mode. So I can totally relate to your avoidance! I just want to tell you that you should feel proud of all the steps you are taking to help yourself. I hope you can find a nice restaurant that will accomplish that goal. As for sitting outside the hospital, definately wait for a cooler day, wear you cooling vest, drink plenty of ice water and stay in the shade....I know I must sound e the mom that I am!!

Good luck and keep up the good work :)

(((hugs)))
Deb
Helpful - 0
5466288 tn?1410485185
As many forums as I've been on;as many usernames as I've used,I sometimes forget or get confused who I am anyway,lol! Darn internet! :)

Why didn't they stop at super-sizing the burgers and fries?!! They super-size stores these days and though there are power carts;there often aren't enough available that are charged.The other day,I was HANGING on the shopping cart,rolling through the store~~I made the elderly feel good that day! I could tell from the way they looked at me they were thinking,"Poor girl! I'M in better shape than she is!"
Helpful - 0
645800 tn?1466860955
Thanks Pat! Of course in the next few minutes I'll probably forget your name and will then have to refer to your as "cramp" again. Don't you just love those memory problems! :)

It was a WalMart that I made my mad dash from with wet pants. It is about 15 minutes from my home and is the last place that I can go to when my IBS is acting up on my way home. The only other place is about 45 minutes away from the WalMart. I always stop at both places on my way home even when I'm not having the cramping. But even doing that doesn't always mean I'll be able to make it to Walmart or home. That is why I love my NEW medicine so much.

Dennis
Helpful - 0
5466288 tn?1410485185
Dennis,
   I never think to sign my comments! "Cramp" however fits very well with the way my life has been going lately! Everytime you talk about IBS,I think about the couple of times I nearly didn't make it to the restroom in WalMart! :(

To everyone,my name is Pat.
Helpful - 0
900662 tn?1469390305
I admire that you have sought help..   Never ever give up..


your on the path to a better you as a result..


your friend
JB
Helpful - 0
645800 tn?1466860955
Well the restaurant didn't work out for me tonight. There were only around 10 people there when I got there and after only about 10 minutes it was down to me and 2 other customers. Not really a challenge for me as that is about how it is When I go to dinner early. I guess I'll need to travel to a larger city in order to do this assignment. :)  

Dennis
Helpful - 0
645800 tn?1466860955
Cramp,

   I sure wish I knew your first name, It feeling kind of funny calling you "cramp" :)

  I actually didn't really survive being out in the sun, I just had 4 hours of cooling off between then and when I posted so I was in a recovery mode at that time. It was a real battle all of the way home with cramping legs, blurry vision, and extreme fatigue.

  The problem with restaurants is both the noise and crowds. Since I am hard of hearing I can just turn my hearing aids off to help some with the noise, but not completely. The noise problem is more of a MS problem in that it overloads my sensory input.

The crowd problem isn't too bad unless I happen to see a young African American man. I was assaulted by 6 of them while in the Navy so my fear of crowds in more that I don't know if any AA men will be among the crowd.  My doctor already told me I am not allowed to read a book or use any other distraction to get through the restaurant challenge. So even if I had a friend to take with me I guess that would not be allowed either.

Sarah,
   Yes the stress is such a joy to have. NOT!  The last non-stress severe IBS incident was when I ate at a Ruby Tuesday. Today I went there for lunch to give the medication a real test. I ate the same things as the last time. I had no IBS problems at all this time.

When I went to see the CBOP nurse today I talked to her about more than my cardiac symptoms but also the IBS. She in turn talk to my PC and finally they are going to increase the medication to 20mg 3 times a day. Oh what a relief! Now I'll be able to eat 3 meals a day instead of the 1.5 meals I have bene doing.

I'm also suppose to keep careful records of my BP over the next week as they are thinking my cardiac symptoms are because my BP is getting too high at times. I kind of agree with that theory as I have seen my BP going up to 189/98 with pulse at 78 first thing in the morning before I have done anything or taken my medications.

I'll actually be able to do the Hospital thing again this Thursday as I got a call from the VA about PT right after I posted my "this week" tasks. This time I will be sure to bring my cooling vest with me.

The hospital thing (and really all of the assignments) are really just to have me around a small number of people with a quick and easy exit path if needed. If I get too panicky after 5 minutes I am allowed to escape. :)  

One of the major reasons I can talk to all of you about this is that writing is the only way I can express my feelings at all. About 15 years ago I was expressing my feeling my writing song lyrics and composing music. But trying to talk to one of my friends back then about my PTSD issues (or any issues) was impossible for me to do.

Dennis

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
We always get the difficult assignments, do we not, Dennis!

Can you do the hospital assignment a different time and take your vest with you?  or at a different hospital?  what the heck, any hospital!

I get the same problem with my Bentyl, if I am truly upset or stressed, it will over ride the medication.  Don't you just love stress!  LOL

You are doing great!  I think.  You are talking to us about it and sharing and that's such great progress.........I almost had a major setback with my PTSD the other day while downstate, will have to tell you about it, but I held on pretty good.

Keep up the progress, we like watching your progress and are so proud of you!
Helpful - 0
5466288 tn?1410485185
  Awww Dennis!
   It's a rough way to go,I know! But I'm sure you've heard the expression,"Anything worthwhile,is worth the effort"! I've recently gone through some counseling too,and it wasn't easy.Like you,I'm a master at avoidance~but perhaps that is a problem we should really work at overcoming! By facing our problems head-on instead of pushing to the back of the mind,we can get on with our lives!

Sorry to hear you had to sit out in the sun! I can't take that either! But you survived it,or you wouldn't have been able to post~so give yourself a pat on the back!

When you go to the Mexican Restaurant,what will be your worst challenge?! The noise? Take earplugs! Naturally don't insert until you have ordered and received your meal! :)  The crowd? Take a book unless the noise isn't a problem,and you have a person with you to talk to! :)

I hope this helps! Remember to breathe in and breath out and release that anxiety! You're gonna make it!
Helpful - 0
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