Looking in the mirror

[MCBCON]

Had one of those self realization moments.  Looked at myself and did not appreciate how I have been doing.  Not being employed, the tiredness that comes with MS, the feeling I keep failing, and just seeing myself doing all the wrong things to be a good provider have caused me to simply not like the person staring back at me in the mirror.

I guess this a sort of midlife, hopefully only midlife, crisis.  I hate feeling like the world, my family would be better off without me.  I know this is not true, but I still feel that way more than I should allow myself to feel.

My wife is not able work much.  She has health issues and some schizophrenia type issues that get in her way.  So, it falls on me to be the provider of finances in my family.  My depression and tiredness from my health issues are getting in the way of being successful at getting a job.  Every time there seems to be possible success in securing a new situation I end up doing something that prevents my situation from improving.

I have always been able to find work; I had my own business for over eight years.  Now I struggle.  In the past I was better at what I do than most folks in my profession.  Now I cannot seem to concentrate enough and my confidence is shaken.

I ask myself, my wife asks too, what am I/we going to do?  I see this situation and can not help but think that I will make things work out as I always have before.  But, I better do it soon as our finances are about gone.

There are all these damn drugs to buy, doctor visits to pay for and our mortgage seems gargantuan. Actually, our mortgage is not that much, but when one has very little money and nothing coming in it seems huge.

Enough despair; it is time to stiffen my upper lip and make thing work.

My wife suggested that I consider shaving my beard and mustache.  She says it will help me to look younger because I am getting a bit gray in my sideburns.  She wonders if this might be why I have landed a job.  In the past whatever job I wanted I always got an offer.  Not this time though.  I think the problems come from my confidence level and decreased cognitive abilities.  But, I am thinking a shaving.

[MCBCON]

I am doing much better to day.  Dressing up more and trying to act more like i have to go to work somewhere instead of hanging here.  I am still here. but I am changing my demeanor and outlook.

I do not look at all the same in the mirror.  My wife I might need to let the beard grow back.  I might scare my mother and siblings as I look to much like my departed dad now.  I will take that as a compliment.

The change was a little abrupt for my youngest.  He knew it was me when he came in yesterday.  But, he joked that he wondered if he should call the police.

[monotreme]

Hi Michael,
   Shaving is a great idea and it seems the corporate world believes that too.  

   I completely understand about the finances.  Craig and I have six children, three with special needs, and none of them are out of school yet.  We have always devoted time and energy to his education and career and now we are faced with his health issues.   He constantly worries about how to support the family, how to keep working and remain "normal looking".

   I hope you can regain your self confidence and ace the next interview.  Remember too, that the economy is bad and times are tough for business.    So keep at it and I hope things turn around for you very soon.  

  Elaine

[spastic]

My Dear Friend Michael, I want you to quit looking at yourself as a failure this second.  You are a very brilliant and savvy professional and those people who cannot see this, do not deserve your intelligence.  You are a wonderful husband and an awesome father!!!  I cannot stress this enough, you are not a failure at all.  BTW- you are a wonderful friend!!!

I know life throws us these wonderful curves in the road, d.a.m.n. those glitches in our health, our finances, and stress but Sweetie, Its what makes us strong.  

I have a feeling Michael, that the job worries will be over soon and you will dazzle your new employer with your brilliance and confidence.  Remember the picture them naked at your interview so you will be smiling away!!!

Love Ya Michael,

Ada

[Deb61]

You make me laugh!  I think everyone on the forum and myself have missed hearing from you.  Heck, if shaving your moustache gets you the job, then the sting of having to do will completely go away.  

I bet you that the confidence factor is what's getting in your way.  It's weird what little signals people pick up on.  That's a hard one.  I don't know if this helps or not but maybe you could go to the library and check out some books on interviewing or whatever you feel you need help with.  

I had a couple of interviews last year for a different teaching position and I didn't do so hot.  It affected my self-esteem, but it shouldn't have.  A good friend of mine, who knew the person who interviewed me, told me that she liked me a lot, but had to dig for things and that I lacked self-confidence (which I had no idea about--no clue).  The next time I interview toward the end of the school year, I'll have a few more strategies up my sleeve.  

Hugs to you and your lovely wife, Deb

[Lulu54]

Bravo to you! I am impressed that you actually shaved.  I have never seen my husband of 35 years w/o his moustache - we all tell him he will look much younger without it but its still there. He just can't part with it -  I tell him I will have the undertaker shave it off before he goes in the ground so I can see what his mouth really looks like.

Hopefully this is a good first step toward positive changes.

Way to go!
Laura

[MCBCON]

Well, I did it.  I look so much younger.  I hope she likes the change.  I am not sure myself.  But, it is done.

I know my wife, and woman in general, suggestions are not simply suggestions.

Now I have to shave every day, s.h.i.t.  Well, I will get use to that again.  Dropped the aftershave bottle.  It broke of course.  That sting of shaving is not something I missed.