Aa
Meltdown
Where to begin this which could end up being quite lengthy. Right at this moment I feel like just getting into my car and driving off to who knows where and never coming back, or just locking myself up in my home and never coming out again. The second one just would not work though as there is no way to get food delivered to my home. :) My sense of humor is still there, but that is about all.
For the lat few months I have figured I have been in a relapse. All kinds of new Sx and worsening Sx. Usually when I have a relapse my vision is the first to go haywire and the last to resolve at the end. Well my vision has cleared up but all of the other stuff hasn't.
To make matters worse my PTSD Sx are also going wild at the same time. So now I am starting to wonder if the MS Sx are triggering the PTSD Sx or the other way around. Or even that they are feeding on each other?
Of the PTSD Sx that is bothering me of late is the irritability. It seems like everything irritates me. I know this is going on in overdrive and have bitten my tongue many times over the last week or so to stop from writing things because of things people have been saying on this board. I mean things like someone thanking another person I have been getting irritated about. That is how bad it has gotten. And this morning when I laid down for a nap my dream consisted of cussing a telephone repair guy out because I was irritated by him.
The fatigue I have had of late has also been horrible. I am sleeping at least 9 hours and sometimes 12 hours each night, and still find I am exhausted within 2 hours of getting up and have to go back to bed for another 2 hours. and this continues throughout the day every 2 to 4 hours I am back in bed. Each time I get up I feel like I am rested and have energy, but without doing anything really the fatigue sets back in.
To top things off with the lack of energy to shop or cook I have been going out to eat every night for dinner. Last night when I got home from having dinner as I was going up the steps to my home ( only 3 steps) my left knee hurt just like it did the last time I tore the cartilage in it. How the he** can you tear cartilage just going up a step? Actually the last time it got torn all I did was stoop down to pick something up so it makes sense. So now every time I get up or sit down my knee hurts real bad and it hasn't even been a year since I had the surgery to fix the last tear done.
I really envy you people that are getting your health care through civilian doctors. You can call or email their offices and get to talk with nurses and such. When I call the VA all I get to talk with is a clerk and there is no way of knowing if they will pass along a message to an actual nurse or doctor so that they can call me back. And to actually get some treatment at the VA is a joke. It took over a year to get the VA to do the surgery on my knee and I'm still not getting any treatment for my PTSD. I live too far away from the VA for therapy.
Dennis
For the lat few months I have figured I have been in a relapse. All kinds of new Sx and worsening Sx. Usually when I have a relapse my vision is the first to go haywire and the last to resolve at the end. Well my vision has cleared up but all of the other stuff hasn't.
To make matters worse my PTSD Sx are also going wild at the same time. So now I am starting to wonder if the MS Sx are triggering the PTSD Sx or the other way around. Or even that they are feeding on each other?
Of the PTSD Sx that is bothering me of late is the irritability. It seems like everything irritates me. I know this is going on in overdrive and have bitten my tongue many times over the last week or so to stop from writing things because of things people have been saying on this board. I mean things like someone thanking another person I have been getting irritated about. That is how bad it has gotten. And this morning when I laid down for a nap my dream consisted of cussing a telephone repair guy out because I was irritated by him.
The fatigue I have had of late has also been horrible. I am sleeping at least 9 hours and sometimes 12 hours each night, and still find I am exhausted within 2 hours of getting up and have to go back to bed for another 2 hours. and this continues throughout the day every 2 to 4 hours I am back in bed. Each time I get up I feel like I am rested and have energy, but without doing anything really the fatigue sets back in.
To top things off with the lack of energy to shop or cook I have been going out to eat every night for dinner. Last night when I got home from having dinner as I was going up the steps to my home ( only 3 steps) my left knee hurt just like it did the last time I tore the cartilage in it. How the he** can you tear cartilage just going up a step? Actually the last time it got torn all I did was stoop down to pick something up so it makes sense. So now every time I get up or sit down my knee hurts real bad and it hasn't even been a year since I had the surgery to fix the last tear done.
I really envy you people that are getting your health care through civilian doctors. You can call or email their offices and get to talk with nurses and such. When I call the VA all I get to talk with is a clerk and there is no way of knowing if they will pass along a message to an actual nurse or doctor so that they can call me back. And to actually get some treatment at the VA is a joke. It took over a year to get the VA to do the surgery on my knee and I'm still not getting any treatment for my PTSD. I live too far away from the VA for therapy.
Dennis
hang tough buddy, i know it is difficult. there should be a combat badge given to veterans who deal with the verticle climb known as the federal health care VA system!
are there any local support groups, MS or PTSD, veterans groups, that you could go to?
i go to a few and they have been really good for me versus trying to get something done via the VA system here.
>>And to actually get some treatment at the VA is a joke.
understood. they still say, "its just that you are getting older...". they have been saying that for 24 years! only when forced do they seem to practice the art of medicine and use available resources to do so.
most VAs take PTSD very seriously. do they have a 24hr hotline you can call? can you go out in the woods and shout at the moon, get it out a bit, and settle down some?
are there any local support groups, MS or PTSD, veterans groups, that you could go to?
i go to a few and they have been really good for me versus trying to get something done via the VA system here.
>>And to actually get some treatment at the VA is a joke.
understood. they still say, "its just that you are getting older...". they have been saying that for 24 years! only when forced do they seem to practice the art of medicine and use available resources to do so.
most VAs take PTSD very seriously. do they have a 24hr hotline you can call? can you go out in the woods and shout at the moon, get it out a bit, and settle down some?
Dennis,
Sorry you are going through this. Years ago I really did what you said. I had a melt down, got in my car destination unknown and left the kids home with dh and said I'll try and call you once a day - sorry I have to do this for myself. It was great! I cried and walked and didn't set alarm clocks it was all about me coming to terms with my MS life.
If you become the squeeky wheel and call the VA every day or two would the answer faster or just lose your chart to be nasty? I have very little experience other than my father in law goes to one a couple hours away and is usually there all day long even with an appointment. They did save his life though. He had lympoma and he is now 5 years clear :)
Hang in there & remember to check in if you do decide on the road trip, lol
Hugs,
Erin :)
Sorry you are going through this. Years ago I really did what you said. I had a melt down, got in my car destination unknown and left the kids home with dh and said I'll try and call you once a day - sorry I have to do this for myself. It was great! I cried and walked and didn't set alarm clocks it was all about me coming to terms with my MS life.
If you become the squeeky wheel and call the VA every day or two would the answer faster or just lose your chart to be nasty? I have very little experience other than my father in law goes to one a couple hours away and is usually there all day long even with an appointment. They did save his life though. He had lympoma and he is now 5 years clear :)
Hang in there & remember to check in if you do decide on the road trip, lol
Hugs,
Erin :)
Yeah, what they all said, brother. P.S.: Hope I get to visit TN again soon. Beautiful country, and I'd love to shoot the breeze over a cup of something hot in the morning or something cold in the afternoon.
Hi Dennis, I am feeling a lot of pain for you right now - even when you have your back against the wall you are usually finding something to look forward to. Right now I'm thinking those deer on the trace need counted. The birds in the bushes are working on migrating south and have lots of songs to share.
I hope you will get outside - even with your bad knee - and savor the warmth of the sun and the joys to be found in this changing season. Autumn in TN is spectacular and I want you to enjoy it for me and you!!!
Check in when you can - we all care deeply about you.
be well,
Lulu
I hope you will get outside - even with your bad knee - and savor the warmth of the sun and the joys to be found in this changing season. Autumn in TN is spectacular and I want you to enjoy it for me and you!!!
Check in when you can - we all care deeply about you.
be well,
Lulu
Dennis
When life is seeming like one big black hole, it is very hard to think rationally and even the smallest things can seem too hard to face. I am also very concerned about you and feel that you need some immediate support and human contact. None of us can give you this from the forum and all that we can do is to offer you words of support.
However I sense that there have been posts that have touched a sensitive button in you recently and as you say you have held back. I think you will find that most people here are open to listening to each other, even if we do not always agree with each other. Hey life would be very dull it everyone had the same opinions. So all I can say is that we are all equals and you matter just as much as the next person. If there is anything that is really bothering you or upsetting you then I would encourage you to share it with us.
I have not met you face to face and have only got to know you a little from your posts.
However I have not heard this despair in you before and feel that you need to talk to someone urgently. I can hear how difficult this is for you and how isolated you feel living so far away from the VA, and how you are so exhausted that you do not have the energy to keep on fighting and asking for help when it is not forthcoming.
If anyone has any practical suggestions to support Dennis please post.
You have many friends on the forum who care about you very much so please let us know how you are doing.
You are in my prayers and thoughts
Love Sarah xxxx
When life is seeming like one big black hole, it is very hard to think rationally and even the smallest things can seem too hard to face. I am also very concerned about you and feel that you need some immediate support and human contact. None of us can give you this from the forum and all that we can do is to offer you words of support.
However I sense that there have been posts that have touched a sensitive button in you recently and as you say you have held back. I think you will find that most people here are open to listening to each other, even if we do not always agree with each other. Hey life would be very dull it everyone had the same opinions. So all I can say is that we are all equals and you matter just as much as the next person. If there is anything that is really bothering you or upsetting you then I would encourage you to share it with us.
I have not met you face to face and have only got to know you a little from your posts.
However I have not heard this despair in you before and feel that you need to talk to someone urgently. I can hear how difficult this is for you and how isolated you feel living so far away from the VA, and how you are so exhausted that you do not have the energy to keep on fighting and asking for help when it is not forthcoming.
If anyone has any practical suggestions to support Dennis please post.
You have many friends on the forum who care about you very much so please let us know how you are doing.
You are in my prayers and thoughts
Love Sarah xxxx
Oh Dennis,
I'm sending you all kinds of ((hugs)). Please be good to yourself. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly :-(
~Jess
I'm sending you all kinds of ((hugs)). Please be good to yourself. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly :-(
~Jess
Dennis,
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I truly hope you can find a way areound this very very soon.
Just know that we are all here for you, vent, rant and rave. We will all listen.
Be well,
Paula
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I truly hope you can find a way areound this very very soon.
Just know that we are all here for you, vent, rant and rave. We will all listen.
Be well,
Paula
Hope you feel better soon, I know the feeling your going through and it's not easy dealing with this. myself I'm having a real difficult time with my vision. Now, it starting to effect my walking etc.
I hope you feel better soon and hang in there..
rest up and take care
wobbly
I hope you feel better soon and hang in there..
rest up and take care
wobbly
Dennis,
I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling bad. We all have meltdowns, that is for sure.
When I get the flu, a cold, plus I had an allergic reaction to Bactrim 3 years ago, it always has triggered an MS relapse. I too believe that it can be a trigger.
In my relapses I have noted my vision is the first noticeable problem and then always the last thing to clear up. I know that my relapse is over when this occurs.
Fatigue is very troublesome. I hope you come out of it soon. Feel better soon, Dennis...
terri
I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling bad. We all have meltdowns, that is for sure.
When I get the flu, a cold, plus I had an allergic reaction to Bactrim 3 years ago, it always has triggered an MS relapse. I too believe that it can be a trigger.
In my relapses I have noted my vision is the first noticeable problem and then always the last thing to clear up. I know that my relapse is over when this occurs.
Fatigue is very troublesome. I hope you come out of it soon. Feel better soon, Dennis...
terri
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