tears

[ELT]

   I feel guilty for enjoying the hike and the ice sculpts yesterday.  I was getting ready to go up to the hospital, right after I posted my story about the ice sculpts, when I got a phone call from my former mother in law.  My ex husbands father passed away as I typed, apparently.  My daughter showed up here to go to the hospital with me, and it was too late.


   She feels sooooo guilty, for not having made it in to see him other than the once, I only made it twice.  Some of that time, we couldn't have seen him cause he was in the cancer ward, out of town, but, we could have made more of an effort.  Me feeling weak and tired didn't stop me from other pursuits.  I tried to make her feel better, I mean, it did happen so fast.  He only found out that he had lung cancer, and it had spread to his liver, a few short weeks ago.  I thought we'd have more time, after his radiation treatment.

   I was wrong, he developed pneumonia, and then gave up on the weekend, not eating.  Didn't even want the beer someone snuck him in.  He said to his wife that he was tired of smothering.  

   I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face, but, all I can see is him alive, and my father as I watched him die on life support four years ago.  I have never gotten over it.  Perhaps that's it, maybe I was just too scared, subconciously, to go up and see him like that.  I don't know.  I only know I feel awful, and wish for so many reasons, that I had involved myself more.  And now it's too late.  

   I guess that's just another reminder that in life, if we put too many things off, we will accomplish very little.  Now to somehow remember that long enough to make it a worthwhile lesson.

   Erica

[ELT]

  Thank you, you're right.  He would want to see me with a beer in my hand.  So?  withouth further adieu.....glug, glug!!! lol

thnx, Erica

[hbananas]

Do you think your former father-in-law is sitting around in Heaven saying "I sure wish Erica was watching me suffer instead of enjoying a wonderful day when my body gave up and sent me here?"  Bet not.  I'll bet he's saying "I'm grateful that Erica and my granddaughter wanted to be with me, and I don't want them to feel bad because I couldn't wait for them."

[ELT]

Thank you as well.  He was a bubbly guy, a regular smart ***, i love him. .lol

Erica

[tmjfibro]

TO  ERICA  SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SAD LOSS
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT


YOU COULD NOT HAVE KNOWN .YOUR EX FATHER-IN-LAW
WAS GOING TO PASS AWAY SO QUICKLY

BIG SOFT HUGS SHEILA

[ELT]

   Thanks for your response, and I'm so sorry you've had the same occurrence in your family.  I hope my daughter get's over feeling guilty soon herself.  

   I'm going to force my tight hips and knees and ribs to exercise with my lady friends at the gym in our aerobics class now.  That will distract me.  Hope I can keep up with the tiny 73 yr old british lady today. lol

   Tgc and thnx, again

Erica

[Heather3418]

You have NOTHING to feel quilty about.  You didn't know that your ex father in law was going to pass this quickly.  So no more guilt, do you hear?

I am so sorry about the loss in your family. Been there, done that, over the past several weeks myself.

You did what you could and should have no regrets.  Your father in law was tired.....

Big (((HUGS)))
Heather