What do you fear?

[Lulu54]

When the lights go out and you are alone with only your thoughts, what do you fear most about living with MS?    (or for you limbolanders - the possibility of MS?)

I'm thinking about this because I have encountered the word *fear* quite a few times lately around here. And it is so easy to descend into the levels of fear that keep us haunted.

For me I fear not having the financial resources to live a long time with this disease - everything is so darn expensive.

How about you?

Lulu

[ErinZoe23]

........Being viewed as weak

[ErinZoe23]

My Fears would be
  
    ............Noone will want to be with me with everything thats going on medical and non medical
    ............Getting Worse
    .............Not being around for when they do find a cure
    .............Trying to figure out who I am now a days

[supermum_ms]

Hi There,

I'm a limbolander, I'm not one to fear anything really, the eternal optomist but i have to admit to being deeply disturbed with my loss of cognitive & verbal skills, in a lot of ways these little skills define me. I'm the least gifted in a very gifted family, i've always had verbal skills that i could rely on, now I can be talking and the noun i need is gone, I know it but i cant say it, so i freeze trying to find the word i need.

Yesterday, i asked my DH to get a pair of jeens out of the ??????????, I froze again, the word that came to mind was MICROWAVE, i knew that wasn't right so i kept searching for my missing word, OVEN came to mind next but i knew that was wrong too, I was looking for dryer but it wouldnt come out from where it was hiding. It takes a while to find the word i'm looking for, my nouns are gone and i need them back.

So I fear they will one day be lost for ever and the Dr's wont care that a part of me is disapearing and by the time they work out why it will be too late and not retreivable. I cant help researching how someone can loose only one specific cognitive skill when others are still intact, although getting fuzzy too. I only find stroke, or lesions which is better 'none' me thinks, but i will keep working on my missing pieces regardless of the lacking dx because i would do it anyway, cause thats who I am!

Cheers........JJ

[FrankieT]

I am a limbolander. I fear that my small children will watch this battle and see weakness in their mother. They watch me walk into walls, they see me forget their names, the day, whatever the heck it is I am trying to talk about. They see me tremor and shake. They see my frustration, fatigue and irritability. They see the strain this is having on our marriage, as I said, they see my weakness and I feel weak. And I have no explanation for them. I do not fear what may be in the future for me. If I ever get an answer, I will continue to fight and sustain as long as possible. But not knowing is killing me. I do not do well with the absence of knowledge. I am a knowledge seeker. So this disease, if it exists for me, will not beat me. But I am afraid I may be exposing my children to vulnarabilities that I must learn to control or shelter. All of this is happening for a reason, One of which I will learn over the course of my lifetime. I fear my children will have something similar, or their children will as well. Oh, I do not fear the physical limitations, but boy do I fear losing my intelligence (of what I have) :)

[Lulu54]

Sho- the need to have our own space is a serious concern of mine as well.  Here's hoping we never face that problem... L

[shoshin]

I thought about this thread recently after a conversation with a friend in which this topic came up. I realized that another thing that terrifies me (if I allow myself to think about it) is that I will end up needing other people to care for me physically (more than my husband can) and I will be forced to make social chitchat and relate to people all the time. I am a person who really likes my alone time and I think it would be exhausting for me to be around people all the time (I always come up extremely introverted on those personality tests). We watched a documentary on Christopher Reeve once and one of the things they brought out was that because he couldn’t breathe on his own, he could never be alone. That to me sounds like a kind of hell.

sho