What do you fear?

[Lulu54]

When the lights go out and you are alone with only your thoughts, what do you fear most about living with MS?    (or for you limbolanders - the possibility of MS?)

I'm thinking about this because I have encountered the word *fear* quite a few times lately around here. And it is so easy to descend into the levels of fear that keep us haunted.

For me I fear not having the financial resources to live a long time with this disease - everything is so darn expensive.

How about you?

Lulu

[missy142]

Can I weigh in even though I dont have MS?  I like the forum, knowledge, advice etc.  I also have alot of the same symtoms/deficits, had MS ruled out, all spinal issues to date.  That being said im afraid:

I am doing permanent damage to my nerves and spinal cord for which I cant get a definite answer from either my neurologist or neurosurgeon, but the neurologist "doesnt think so" unless of couse I fall down, then all bets are off.

Im afraid I will never be able to walk properly again, or run or exercise.

I am a nurse and no one wants a nurse who cant sit for any lenghth of time or a nurse who cant stand by 2 in the afternoon without the assistance of meds ande even with that has a spastic gait due to myelopathy..

Im afraid I cant support myself as now I am unemployed waiting to hear about disability. I currently have Cobra.

And lastly Im deathly afraid of surgey that I fear may resolve some problems but will DEFINITELY create others that can never be reversed once done.  And Im afraid if i dont have it that I may never be able to walk again properly and with the condition I have will only exacerbate with age.

WOW, now im really bummed out.

missy

[Becky559]

The fear of not being able to care for myself and being ALONE!  I have a wonderful and supportive husband of many years,,,but I know that anything can change. I fear the uncertain and unknown.

[Charley123]

I fear being incapacitated, without income and I also fear losing the ability to lose color.  I paint.  There's so much that I've not been able to do but I could always turn to painting.  I also fear losing my mind.  Actually, there are times I do think I have.  Has anyone seen it?
Some days, I just cannot connect the dots.

[rendean]

I fear that I may never recover the cognitive abilities that have diminshed during this relapse which of course leads to the fear that I can no longer earn a living at what I currently am employed as. Financial worries naturally follow that.

I fear that my children who have suddenly "grown up" in an effort to help their mother do simple tasks such as walk across the room without falling, will have to endure a further downhill slide in my abilites to perform normal activities of daily living. They shouldn't be burdened at their young ages of being my caretaker when my husband isn't around to help.

I feel guilty that my husband's planned retirement next year can not happen because we need his health insurance for me.

[HVAC]

I fear being a burden to my family.

I fear losing my independence.

I fear the cost of being ill. I am not earning anything at the moment and all my medical doubled.

I fear losing the ability to see color. My art is very colorful.

[saveone]

My biggest fear as a limbolander is not having an answer.  Without an answer the fight is limited.  I sometimes feel helpless, not hopeless, because I don't have a plan on how to stave off the monster that lives in my body.  And like Jen outside my legs being week and the neuropathy and everything that goes with it, it is losing my cognitive abilities that scares me the worst.