Avatar universal

how to deal with everything

I had just found out I have ms when when bak in ny fighting the struggles thinking I did have it and this was bak in 09 just because the  spinal tap came up negative but later in year 2014t he headaches started bad again and the drs told me to go for another mri and I did and they found more leasion I didnt   want to except it but now im faced with it again only im worse now my vision is going quickly and scared about that them I am feel  like im  going to go blind and never get to see my grandchilds face is a horrifling to think about ...Its hard for me to drive and hard for me to go out cause I trip all the time and my hands shake a lot and my speech comes out jumbled and I feel like people look at me like what the hell is wrong with me .... I been getting really bad nightmares that make me wake up im swaets that something has happened to mu children so I run n hug them n cry and other night cant sleep .... I weight 94 pds cause I I cant eat much ... im currently on betaseron ... but I also have degenerated disk deiase I had been through two neck surgerys and on bak surgery my neck they fused at c3 c4 c5 and my bak was fused in l4 l5 n s1 and I have a spine stimulator ...I moved out to florida cause the weather was better for me them ny...but it hurt cause m husband of 25 years wont come here everything with him is money and now he found out im sick and u would think it was like aids ....my kids are scared I am scared im on so many meds. I just tired of it all I have done so much good helping people in my life ... im extreamly depressed n feel worthless about my self I go to therpy and a neuro n pain mangerment doctors...I try to keep motavatives but its hard when my body cant can someone give me some advice .... like how do I know when im having a silent attack .I seemd to have had three of them but how do I know ....I so scared and trying to fight for my kids but I am a depressed 43 year old woman even with meds  
7 Responses
8248462 tn?1406996016
Hi Sweetdeex,
I am really sorry you are having such a hard time. I quite understand some of your fears about MS. I have learnt though that MS is not a death sentence and most will have symptoms for a while and then they get better. I have not heard of anyone completely losing their sight permanently with MS. It is my understanding that it will take a while to come back but it will so you will see your grandchild's face again.

Now that you have been put on meds you should see some improvement soon as the meds help to prevent relapses. Try to take it one day at a time and try not to stress over it as stress is one of the biggest enemies of MS and you will only feel worst. I know it is hard to do especially since you have been so much with other back issues but please try. Do you have someone you can talk to? That might help. Are other family members around who can support you? Also check out the MS society in your area. Also although hard try to be strong for the kids as they do not understand and so they will react with fear when they see you fearful.

You say you are still depressed even on meds. They do take about 3 to 4 weeks to work but if you have been on it for a good while and it is not helping then let your doctor know so he can try you with something else.

I wish you all the best and write again as you will find support here.

8248462 tn?1406996016
One other thing is you have to keep your body well nourished so you have to eat. I too do not have any appetite sometimes so what I do is use meal replacement liquids like Ensure or the store brands. If you don't have any problem with milk .use some of that to supplement your diet.

987762 tn?1331027953
Hi and welcome to our little MS community,

As Dee mentioned MS does not cause permanent blindness and i'm not even aware of MS causing a 'rapid' decline in vision, but if you are experiencing vision changes to such a degree, i highly recommend you contact your neurologist and or get your vision assessed by an ophthalmologist to find out what is going on.

I'm not sure what to say about your move to Florida because the weather was better for you...... i thought Florida was a 'hot and humid' environment and with the temperatures heating up on your side of the world, i have to wonder if it's possible that your experiencing Uhthoff's (heat intolerance). Heat intolerance causes a pwMS to experience pseudo exacerbations, a temporary worsening of sx's until they are able to cool down and rest. It's something to consider as a possible issue, you may not have thought of as a contributing factor.

Your anxiety and depression is running quite high at the moment, and i really do feel you should bring this up with your neurologist, sometimes the multiple medications can cause negative side effects and psychological issues are a common enough occurrence in anyone dx with a chronic medical condition. Please speak to your neurologist ASAP because i do think this is something he or she should be able to help you with!

Please try to challenge your fearful thoughts, we will do our best to help in anyway you can but it would also be beneficial to gather as much family and friend support that you can to also help get you through this.

Take care...........JJ        
Avatar universal
Hi there. This is just a request that when you post again you not use 'phone' style. That's very hard for some to read, including me, so I had to skip it.

Please write in small paragraphs with the usual punctuation and lots of white space. Then members will not have trouble 'tracking' your lines and sentences, a problem often seen in MS. Thank you.

667078 tn?1316000935
I was very depressed when I was diagnosed with MS. I worried about having every symptom of MS hitting me. I went to therapy for 5 years. Soon after I was diagnosed with MS I was diagnosed with stage IV Ovarian Cancer. I had Cancer in 15 places in my body. Again I got depressed. Both the Cancer and the MS have backed off. I am healthy and happy. I do get Cancer treatment every week which is tiring and expensive. I am doing so well I just quit therapy.

I have a bucket list of things I want to do before I dies. I have ridden in a hot air balloon, ridden an icelandic horse, adopted a deaf dalmatian puppy, I go to the beach every chance I get. I am married to a wonderful man and have lots of great friends.

Life is pretty great.

738075 tn?1330575844
I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious!  I had MS for 25+ years before my diagnosis, and I raised a child, am now a grandmother, and still do some pretty wild and crazy things.  My secret? Just live One Day at a Time, much like Dee mentioned above.

Yeah, I walk with a stick, and I've had to cut my working hours, but I'm still good on a road bike and in a kayak.

Keep planning fun things for your kids and you. Keep in touch with your therapist and neurologist.  The first year or two after diagnosis is the worst when it comes to our emotions and the "worst case scenarios" we conjure up in our minds.  Worrying is just trying to control what can't possibly be controlled (thank you, Alex). After a while, we just get on with this business of living our lives.

Big Hugs,
6881121 tn?1392830788
How long have you been on medication for your MS?  For Depression?

I have extensive experience with depression in myself and my family to tell you that, first, none of the medications work right away, some take many weeks, others just a few until you notice some diminishment of your depression, but more than that, there is a reason there are SO many SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors), SNRIs (Serotonin/Norepinepphrine Reuptake Inhibitors, Tricylcics and more.

It is because they don't all work for everyone.  

Sometimes you have to go through a succession until you find the one that works for you.  My poor DD went through three years of trial and error.  And there are some that are known to work a bit more successfully for MS patients.

These are the ones that National MS Society has on their Medications page.  My daughter used at least three of these, plus others, that did nothing.  One on this list was the magic bullet for her.  I hope this might help you gain some stability and clarity, which might help you get yourself together to deal with all the rest of things.

Cymbalta (duloxetine hydrochloride)
Effexor (velafaxine)
Paxil (paroxetine)
Prozac (fluoxetine)
Wellbutrin (bupropion)
Zoloft (sertraline)
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