Can I chuck my boss onto the weanie fire too?

[BondyinOz]

Grrr... prepare for a big ol' rant! I'm sorry but the lack of compassion, understanding and the pure ineptitude of some people just gets me at the moment...

So as you might know I've been unwell for over 6 months now and I have been maintaining my full time job as a high school teacher. Now this job is a killer at the best of times, let alone when you're feeling so lousy you can't decide which is worse: the going in and 'teaching' or the energy it takes to write the relief lessons so someone else can go in and teach.

I have been holding up my end of the bargain as well, if not better, than some who supposedly are 100% fighting fit. I attend the meetings, I don't take sick days unless I am simply so unwell I can't get out of bed or the Dr orders it (which is because I go when I shouldn't), I organise major events and otherwise fulfil my duties. Even when the Dr wanted me to drop back part time I stuck it out because that's what a committed person does. (HA! Yeah... my sense of humour sucks hehe)

All this time I have been checking in with my boss, updating him on all the latest info even when there was no reason that I HAD to do that. I considered it important for him to know that I am struggling and I'm worried about the students. Now at least 4 or 5 times I have had meetings with him to discuss what we might do about the situation. This time last term I had just had two weeks school holidays and was sick the entire time, and suggested to him that I needed to take at least a full week off to help me get back to semi-normal. He said that since I'd just had two weeks off and I was no better, why did I think an extra week would make a difference?! (Are you visualising the smoke coming out of my ears at this point??) I have no idea why I backed down... maybe it was the money factor...but I ended up clawing my way through last term and now find myself in the same predicament and getting worse by the day.

After being told recently by my CFS specialiast (I don't have CFS now... they still don't know what it is) and my GP that I need to drop back to part time, I approached him. Somehow I came out saying 'I can get through the rest of the year, I'll be fine' and him saying 'don't worry, if you need to come back to me in a week or two and change your mind that's fine'. By that afternoon it's no wonder that I had already changed my mind!

To make matters even more complicated I found out the other day that I have won a 3 week all expenses paid trip to Germany during the school holidays to do a study tour. It's a national scholarship that only 155 people won. I told him and there was no "congratulations" or "well done, it's deserved" - the reaction was: "Now I think you should really consider whether this is best for you. It's totally up to you but I wouldn't do it." Riiiiiight...  he's worried that I won't return to the new school year 'fresh' after going on this trip. Shouldn't he be concerned about the welfare of the students RIGHT NOW?!!! Also, what makes him think that if I don't go I'll be fresh anyway?!!!

Grrrrrrr.... sorry but this is just eating me up right now. His attitude is : don't worry, you'll be fine - you have to be. And also that since the Dr has no diagnosis yet there's nothing wrong. Are you serious?! What a weanie!!!!

Also when I went to tell him I'd definitely decided that I need to go part time (yesterday) he said 'what, even after our discussion last week?' - the only minor changes he was going to make was reducing the number of meetings I have to go to after school and taking away 1 or 2 of my yard duties... this still hasn't happened yet anyway!!!

*sigh* ok I'm done now hehe

Mel

[BondyinOz]

Well the boss can live for another day...

He has changed me to part time and it starts this coming week! I'm going to get Mondays off as well as Thursdays. Thank goodness!!!! I think people finally talked some sense into him. And it's only for 5 weeks really so it's no big deal.

Also, I have sent the forms in to accept my scholarship and am in the process of getting my travel insurance to cover me. I am really looking forward to this opportunity and am even starting to get excited. I've decided that the only person who can tell me not to go is the Neurologist!

[BondyinOz]

Thanks for the words of support. I love how you just laid it down. You're right - I should stop telling him things. I thought I was being considerate because I was taking a whole heap of time off and I thought he should know. I've worked for some great people and they were all very supportive, so maybe now I just get someone who isn't hehe

I am going ahead with the trip at this point and am looking forward to it. Your right - I need to enjoy and do these things while I can.

Mel

[meanit]

Bondy,

Take the trip, cut back to part-time, stop the guilt and by all means stop telling your boss everything.(no offense)  but ---- He clearly does not undersand what you are going thru and without a diagnosis----we have run into manyco-workerss in our situation who did not believe my husband was ill because he went to work everyday and still does despite the pain and everything else.  Remember, that most bosses are out to protect their own jobs-not yours, but there are good bosses out there and someday who knows maybe you will work for one of them....someone who truly cares, not just how it is going to affect them but how it is affecting you: your health, you rlife, your work, your dreams.  

Take the trip-take it while you can.  You deserve it.  Any by all means-hold your head up-and don't let them take your dignity away.  We all care for you and about you.  Meanit

[angela5674]

Very well put...I love my job, but I'm to the point right now where I feel the same as you.  It's hard to be optimistic and "full of energy" when we're feeling this way.  I keep thinking "I can't give up on it, though, cuz tomorrow I"ll probably feel better and kick myself in the butt!"  That's the funny thing with this disease...you never know how tomorrow will be.  My tomorrows, unfortunately, have been similar to my todays and yesterday.  Hence, my current frustration!  I was very well when I started my job a year and a half ago.  I was fresh out of college and excited to start the first real job of my new career.  Fast forward 16 months and here I am.  Lesions on my brain and spine, much to my amazement.  Currently having issues with my left side going completely numb.  Fatigue.  Tingling in weird random parts of my body.  Etc, etc, etc.  Ahhh!  That's what I like about this forum though.  Although I don't wish my current dilemma on anyone, it's at least nice to know there are others out there with the same/similar frustations!  Angela

[BondyinOz]

Hey there,
Thanks for the words of advice. I really appreciate it. Thankfully today is my day off and I can take a breath for once!

Yes, the trip is incredibly important to me and something that I can only take once. It is an honour and I feel really disappointed that all management sees is my illness and not the wonderful opportunity I have for the school, for the kids and for myself. I mean, this is going to help me in my job - it will improve my language skills out of sight and when I'm teaching kids about these cities in Germany I can actually say I've been there and give them first hand knowledge, which is worth a lot. I haven't even been to Berlin yet and I'm going to get the opportunity on this trip.

Wow Angela, what a draining yet admirable job you do! At least there are relief teachers who can replace me for a day if I'm ill, but the onus is still on me to actually write the relief lessons and make them good lessons still. And yes I can also understand my boss's frustration when I can't perform at my best, but he keeps telling me that I'm doing fine and that he thinks I'm a wonderful teacher. He has said to me that he doesn't think my illness is affecting my job and that he would tell me if he thought that. Basically he just wants a bum on a chair and doesn't want to have to deal with changing the status quo.

And I know how it is to try to put in even more when you are feeling just that little bit better, but the problem with this is that you do run yourself even more into the ground and then pay for it in the long run. It is a tough balancing act!

Ahh yes - guilt! Now that is a word that I have been saying a lot more often. My boss is making me feel guilty for not only needing to reduce my working time but guilty for going on a trip that will make me better at what I do, what he employs me to do. And the trip is in my own time!!!

Maybe it's different for you but I wasn't sick when I was hired. When I started the school year in January this year I was fighting fit - energetic and really pushing myself to be the best teacher I could be, running extra-curricular activities and helping out when and where I could with committees. My boss hired me because I am young (24) and energetic - he does this so that he can eak every last drop of energy and creativity out. See more experienced teachers aren't willing to do the extra stuff because they've been doing it and can't be bothered anymore., but younger ones are trying to make their mark and establish themselves.

At the end of the day I think there needs to be an understanding that you will do the best you can with what you've been given. Your boss needs to understand that when you're having a bad day, you're having a really bad day and simply can't perform as well as someone who was well can. But when you're having a good day you want to do the very best you can. I think people need to understand that if you didn't want to work there, you wouldn't be there. You wouldn't be using up stores of energy just getting out of bed in the morning, getting dressed and trying to drag yourself through the day if you didn't want to. Unfortunately I am getting to the point where I'm saying - I don't need this right now. I like my job, I get a kick out of it, but I just don't know how much longer I can bear feeling like I do every day and keep going.

Mel

[angela5674]

I really feel for ya, Mel, as I am in a similar position.  It's something that I've really tried to put a lot of thought to lately, also.  I have been struggling more and more at work lately, feeling not up to being here most of the time.  I'm a therapist at a residential facility for adolescents.  When you have little energy as it, nothing zaps your reserve like 14 adolescent girls who don't care enough about themselves to work their program and get home to their family.  I have it "relatively easy" as I only work a 4 day week and I can, for the most part, make my own schedule at work.  However, I still have to get my stuff done, and this is sometimes a mission in and of itself.  I really try to think about this from my boss's perspective.  MS or not, I'm here to do my job.  The girls do not have another therapist when I'm out sick.  Nobody is there to do my paperwork if I can't.  So...I can see his frustration during the weeks when I know I'm less than adequate for the position.  I try to put in 150% the weeks I'm feeling well to overcompensate (which likely pushes me into being worse off in the long run).  So, obviously we know how it feels from our own perspective as the employee who has difficulty.  But I can't help but feel guilty that I'm unable to sometimes do the job I was hired to do.  Obviously it's not my felt I was dealt this hand in life, but then again, it's not my boss's fault either.  Any feedback from anyone on this?  Angela

[Sandpuff]

You just keep on chuckin'!

You must be great at what you do to earn that scholarship!  Do not let him take that away from you!  It sounds like this will be a once in a lifetime opportunity perhaps and it is not something you should say no to just because he is hinting that you should.  

He seems to be milking you for everything you can possibly give, but life isn't all about work and you need to have a little energy left for yourself.  I think you are making the right decision to go part time.  And just because you don't have a diagnosis doesn't mean there's nothing wrong!  That's part of what I deal with.  That's why I am self-employed, because some days I just can't work but I always hated having to call in sick.  I haven't been able to work full time for 9 years.  Before that I did it all and then some.  Once I stopped working full time I felt much better because I wasn't constantly overdoing it.  

As far as the trip goes, it's a one-time deal and it sounds like it is quite the honor and means a lot to you, so do not pass that up just because your boss thinks it will make you unable to do what HE needs you for.  If you decide you don't want to go for your own reasons, that's different.  Don't do it to make him happy.

Hang in there and don't let him take advantage of you!

Michelle (aka Melissa :-)