Avatar universal

Are these OCD and intrusive thoughts?

Does this sound like I'm a transgender woman who is also a lesbian, or is it all just OCD?

I've been living as a woman for the past two years and I've always doubted if I was actually a transgender woman. I've been using female pronoun's, using a female name, basically just living like a cisgender woman for the past two years. But, I'm going to be starting HRT soon and I keep getting these doubts of "what if I'm not really transgender", "what if I regret transitioning later in life",  "what if it's just OCD making me think that I'm a transgender woman", things like that.

I have never been diagnosed with OCD because I've never thought to see someone about it, but I also have been doubting things like my sexuality. For example I keep getting thoughts of "am I a lesbian". An example of this is when I look at a woman and I look at her boobs for example I think "why am I looking at her boobs? Am I a lesbian". The lesbian thoughts started when Gigi Gorgeous who is a transgender woman on YouTube who is also a lesbian cake out as a lesbian! That's when they started! I was thinking "what if my sexuality changes on HRT? I want to fall in love and be with a man. How do I know that I might think that I like men or even marry a man and think I love him but subconsciously I am a lesbian". I also struggle with the admiring vs being attracted to women thing. For example, I don't want to have sex with women or have a relationship with women. I don't really get along with many women (is this a bad sign? Maybe I'm rejecting I'm a lesbian since I don't get along very well with many women? Is that possible).
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Does being a woman makes you happy? Or does it feel forced and you wish u was a man? Do the thoughts of being with a woman give u anxiety and depresses you or does it excite you ? Do you have any compulsions such as proving yourself that you are attracted to men to lessen the anxiety ? If so then it's likely for you to have OCD. From what I have read it looks like you are happy about transitioning from a man to a woman but, your thoughts are making you doubt. I also think that you aren't attracted to women, the video that you've watched triggered irrational thinking, if you've never been attracted to women before you won't be now.
Avatar universal
Its ocd, im sure you're really transgender but are having intrusive thoughts. I have suffered for years with ocd and intrusive thoughts. You need to see a therapist though. If you're really strongling then you shouldnt have to fight it on your own, hun. I hope you start feeling better <3
Avatar universal
I've had HOCD for 3 years. I'm a female who is obsessed with the possibility of being bi or a lesbian. Sounds like that's the case for you too. Your sexuality can't really change. It is was it is.
A HUGE part of OCD is doubt doubt doubt. I keep doubt every single day of my sexuality and it causes me so much distress. People aren't disgusted by their sexuality. Remember: gay people fear the outcome of coming out not their attraction. Also, just because you think another women is pretty or even sexy doesn't mean you are gay. I once read in an interview with a former HOCD sufferer and she said, "boobs are hot!" I don't remember where I read that.
I think a lot of staring is just connected with comparing and just being a girl. We all want what we don't have so we compare. It's sad, but doesn't define our sexuality by any means.
Now I have a similar problem but I obsess over being trans. I've been a girl happily for my life and now I fear being transgender. It's draining isn't it?
Eh I don't really get along with women. I have social anxiety and honestly I feel very uncomfortable with women, more than men. But I've come to terms with that and you need to as well. It's alright, I know OCD is so much doubt trust me. Girls can be judgmental of each other. That's probably  why. Please take care :).
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