harm ocd thoughts are ruining me

[Buzzy14]

So ive suffered from these thoughts for about 1year and a half now on and off. They are starting to bother me again, it started when I was hiking a mountain and my mom was in front of me and I got the thought "what if I had the urge to harm my mother" I didnt think anything violent or anything but that thought greatly disturbed me and I was filled with anxiety and this feeling of like just wanting to cry because of that thought, it was horrible I remembered to accept and not take part in your thoughts so I brushed it off even tho it was very hard to. I was fine until a couple hours ago, I was sitting next to my sister on our way home in our car and I got the thought" what if I harmed my sister" and again I was filled with anxiety and I put my hands away from her and I felt very bad inside like if I was a killer, I worry that these thoughts arent part of OCD. When I get an anxiety burst into my stomach after a thought like that comes to mind, I cant tell if thats the feeling of anxiety or a false urge. I feel like I need to get away from my family in fear that ill hurt them, like I should just check into a mental hospital. Im very terrified of this, its causing me mental agony. Is this OCD? I just dont know the anxiety is overwhelming and its killing me, help would be greatly appreciated thanks :)

[JGF25]

Buzzy14 I just noticed that you posted a while ago.  How are you doing?  

[hmf099]

I've also been through the "scared because I'm not scared" cycle. You really need to seek treatment.. Cognitive behavioral therapy is very important to help overcome this. Don't be afraid to tell your therapist what's bothering you and about these thoughts, they've heard it all before and know it's part of OCD. Good luck!

[Buzzy14]

Hey guys thank you both for your support, sorry for the delay my ocd is getting better, but note I'm feeling with the dreaded backdoor spike im worrying because I no longer get anxiety from my thoughts and I find that I am not worrying about the as much either. If I get a thought I don't even worry and I let it go, which I know is what you should be doing but it's trying to suck me back into the vicious cycle and has gotten me thinking what if this isn't the ocd anymore I feel like my thoughts aren't a big deal anymore like I can just let them go when they arise then I think why the he'll didn't I worry about that just now? I'm worrying because I'm not worried our anxious if that makes sense. Any tips friends? Thanks

[haapuu]

Hey! I was having similar intrusive thoughts, they are awful, and once I got a panic attack too and I thought I was going crazy. It´s really scary but you should know that they are only thoughts, nothing else. I found this webpage that has been quite helpful to me: http://anxieties.com/94/ocd#.U6tNKWYrhjo
Feel free to write if you need someone to talk to.

[JGF25]

Hi there.  Sorry for the delay.  Harm OCD is something I also had.  It really falls under the big "what-if" umbrella that is OCD.  We tend to torture ourselves with things that make us very fearful and of course harming those we love makes us fearful.  Let me tell you that people with these thoughts don't carry them out.  

Have you ever sought treatment for your OCD?   Have you been formally diagnosed?  In the mean time here are some useful articles regarding OCD.

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?catid=0:&id=82:ten-things-you-need-to-know-to-overcome-ocd&option=com_content&view=article

http://www.wsps.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=84:treating-morbid-obsessions&catid=36:ocd-and-related-subjects-by-frederick-penzel-phd&Itemid=64

[Buzzy14]

last night was the worst night i have ever had, i was laying bed and i started feeling very high amounts of anxiety from the harm thoughts i felt really sick and unable to cope with this horrible feeling, i woke up my mother who really helped me out and talked with me so i went to bed trying to sleep again but for some reason every thought that would enter my mind would cause me anxiety no matter what it was and i started to panic i felt like my mind was bombarding me with thoughts and i felt like my mind was literally over flooding with thoughts, like cloudy thoughts. i felt like i wanted to yell in despair because this feeling is just very awe full, out of desperation i started to cry and my mom came to me and comforted me so we stepped outside my house so i can get some fresh air and at the time i was feeling the highest amount of anxiety i have ever felt and i was having racy thoughts and for some reason it felt like they were a real threat like if the would become reality, like i remember thinking a bunch of what if questions like what if i am just schizophrenic because of all this which i know was crazy but it felt very real, or what if i am going insane which again felt very real just everything felt oddly real and scary, was this an anxiety attack?? i have never experienced so much dread, worry, and anxiety at this disturbingly high level, so after about 15 minutes in the ordeal i watched a video on how to manage your anxiety which i feel helped allot and i feel under control now. i just don't know if that was an anxiety attack as i have never felt one before i have felt anxiety but never this much.
once again thanks for your support