Constant doubt of reality

[Hosscat]

I don't know what to do, over 6 months ago the thought 'what if nothing was real' popped into my mind. I cant get rid of it, I can try to reason with it, but it doesn't stick... it makes me feel so alone and depressed. I can be with my family and still not 'feel' them. And the thoughts are constant. Im trying erp on my own, just agreeing with everything and going about my day, but should the doubt eventually go away? I don't want to have to carry this around for the rest of my life.

[Hosscat]

People that have had this same obsession. One said even when im better there is no realization it was just an anxious thought, and the other just said you have to deal with it, like he has for the last 5 years. I know I shouldn't keep coming here lamenting, but I just feel so alone in having to deal with this at the moment. Waiting two months to see a pdoc, and the two therapist relatively close to me never emailed me back.

[JGF25]

Who is telling you that you can't be you again?  Any why are you listening to them?  I told you that when you are so deep into this, you do feel like you will be like that forever but what you need is a step forward and then another.  You see, even if I have another crisis situation with my OCD I can always fall back on the fact that I got better each and every time and while I might feel uncomfortable for a while, I know I will be back to myself in a while.  If you don't have that to fall back on in your own life, then use mine and countless others who come out of the crisis and are "normal" again.  

[Hosscat]

I don't understand, why do people keep telling me I wont be like I was before? That's awful hard to accept, as the way I was before was 'me'. I feel like im being told I cant be me again.

[Hosscat]

Its just so hard, its been 8 months feeling like my family isn't with me anymore. I want them back.

[littlejo622]

Brushh, I don't feel to that extreem but I too have feequent thoughts of "what if" and the thought of feeling alone in a crowd of people I love! One specific thing you said struck my interest! When you mentioned your boyfriend -- I have a boyfriend as well and sometimes go through these phases of doubt more-or-less! Then when these thoughts happen I begin to panick: why am i having these thoughts? He doesnt deserve this! He deserve someone better, who's positive all the time! I love him though! Or am I just saying that? Do i mean what I say? -- then i'll start overanalyzing everything when we're together! It usually goes away after a day or two but likw it's so annoying!! -- So I was wondering if this happens to you!?

[JGF25]

I'm sorry that I am just seeing this.  I know how you feel.  I know that you think "my God I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life."  I used to think that about controlled breathing..."My God, I'm going to have to breathe this way for the rest of my life."  But the reality is you do get better.  I think that if you are at the place where you are this depressed, then you really need to discuss with your pdoc about medication to go along with the ERP.  If you need more than 17 sessions of therapy, you can still go.  They aren't going to tell you "Okay, your time is up, good luck."  That is not what therapy is about.  And besides we are paying them for therapy so they really can't put a limit on it.  Trust me please when I tell you that there is a way out of this thinking.  I know because I am living proof of it.  I know the despair, the desperation, the wanting to just go to sleep and never wake up but that is not the answer because this is treatable and you can and will go on to live a normal life.