Is it ROCD or not?

[ocdgirl928]

This is my first time posting on a discussion forum, but I need to find some sort of relief. I have been with my loving boyfriend for almost 4 years, and since the end of March of this year, I have been struggling with doubts about the relationship. I mental check almost 24/7 my feelings for him, often trying to recall memories and seeing how I feel or if I even remember a time I felt "in love." I know I felt very much in love before all of this started, but I feel like my brain won't allow me reach these thoughts and feelings. I constantly thought about the future with him; marrying him, having children, going on vacations together, and I still got butterflies when he texted or held my hand after 3.5 years together. Now, I get so anxious talking to him or being around him because I keep trying to feel something, and then I freak out because I can't feel it. I'm scared that this is not OCD and that it's my mind's way of telling me I need to leave, but I don't want to believe that. It's like my OCD is trying to keep me from being happy, but then my brain makes me feel like I'm not happy with my boyfriend, when I know I was before all of this. I feel like I'm losing my mind and have been googling and reading every article on ROCD/falling out of love, and it helps for a little while, and then I go back to freaking out and trying to add certainty to my thoughts. I'm so uncomfortable with thinking either side. Please have some insight! I believe I've always had OCD-like tendencies and worries since I was a little girl. Thank you so much. I appreciate you!

[JGF25]

Hi there....so from what I am reading you have not formally been diagnosed with OCD?  If not, then you really should see a psychologist so you can be properly diagnosed, talk about what is going on, and learn tools to help yourself when your mind starts going to the dark side.