Fed up and tired

[raybae12345]

After an emotionally abusive relationship I had with my ex, I feel self conscious about myself. My relationship with him was a nightmare. I wanted to be out of the relationship, as I had no feelings for him, but felt like he took care of me. At first, I liked him before true colours showed. We broke up and got back together many times, but the cycle of abuse continued and I felt trapped. After talking with my closest friends they told me to break up with him which I did. I always wanted to be out of the relationship. Now that I'm talking to a good guy and getting to know him, my fear is coming back like it does when I talked to other guys. I'm scared I'll like my ex or go back with him. Im scared he'll see me with someone one day and make me leave them or make them dislike me. He posts all over social media hurtful things about me which i only care about since it can ruin my reputation. i get thoughts like, "if you don't do this, the guy you're talking to won't work out" etc. or "if that person looks at you you're doomed and have to be with your ex". its frustrating, and I'm not sure if its ocd. i had ocd before for different things, but this just too time consuming. i feel as if there is no point trying to talk to this guy because its not going to work out like my ocd says, and it makes me feel horrible. idk what to do, is this normal?

[JGF25]

If you start listening to your OCD thoughts then you are going to be in big trouble.  That is the whole point of therapy...learning how to not listen to them.  Let them come and wash over you and then say "WHATEVER" and move on.  We cannot control everything as much as we would like to.  Think the thought, self-coach yourself (Self-coaching by Joseph Luciani) and move on.  I think you need to go back to therapy since it did help you when you went.  

[raybae12345]

I've talked to therapists before and they've helped. But it's difficult to explain that you constantly have thoughts saying that something won't work out for you, and it's the worst. I'm starting to feel like these thoughts are true, and give up on trying to see this guy, as my ocd says it won't work anyway. i feel insane and so depressed

[JGF25]

Hi there.  You obviously have an anxiety disorder and perhaps a little bit of self-esteem issues.  Do you have access to a psychologist?  This way you can be diagnosed and a treatment plan put in place.  It will be good to get these relationship issues figured out as well as learn how to deal with these thoughts when they come up.