train wreck!!!

[crecco]

So glad they got the nut case off. Wasn't he here before?
Well as I suspected, my CA has jumped once again. I called for the results this morning and they have gone from 478 up to 613. So from what I understand, I will be starting Avastin and whatever else he decides on next Monday. I started the "vent" thread last week because I felt that things were not right. I guess I know my body even better than I thought. As you know I was expecting the rise, but deep inside I was really hoping that I was wrong. Thus the reason for my emotional train wreck. I am upset, i'm scared, i'm pissed, but at the same time relieved so that we can get on to the next one with hopes that it works. I HATE this ****. I want to be the one in control and I do not like the fact that my hands are tied. It is now so easy for me to see how someone with no willpower could just say the hell with it all. But that is not an option for me, so the fight goes on. and on and on........
  On a little brighter note my onc did give me something to help me sleep and something to try for the hot flashes.
  I do not know what I would do without all of you. Just being able to sit down and tell someone about it who really understands makes all of the difference in the world. So I have to thank you all for the care and support and all of the kind words and encouragement. Knowing that there are so many others out there who are fighting with me gives me a kind of a sense of security.
  I pray that we all can continue our fight and that one day soon we will see the results of the fight that we have put up. May God bless all of you. Love Chris

[butterflytc]

Wishing you all the best Chris, your support has been wonderful for all of us. Just hoping we can give back the support to you. We are all very lucky to have such strong friends around us who understand what we are going thru. We are all in this together Chris, stay strong, and keep smiling. :)
butterflytc

[gma718]

Chris - Positive, Positve, Positve!!! You will handle this like a champion..I am praying for you and my thoughts are with you Keep Smiling and stay strong :) Gia

[Brownie3321]

Chris honey, I'm sorry! I know you are strong, I know you have the will to survive and that is what you are going to do. Scr@w this cancer!! I hate what it does to us. Well Chris, I'm going to be saying extra prayers for you and sending you positive throughts. Please keep us updated. With love, Deandra

[crecco]

  I can not begin to tell you all how much your care and support mean to me. I was brought to tears reading all of your kind words. I am so glad that we have all been given the chance to find each other.
  As for the Avastin, my onc is going to go with either Taxotere or Abraxane, so I guess that means that i will be losing my hair also. And from the way that i understand I will be starting it on Monday. I am a little nervous about it too, but then I am every time i start a new chemo. My onc seems so excited about Avastin that I cannot help but to be a little excited about it myself.
You are right in saying this is a never ending disease and it seems at times to have a mind of its own. I think that is what is the scarriest thing about it. I wish all of you the best of luck in whatever treatments you are on or begining to start. I f we continue to fight hard enough, I have faith that we can overcome this horrible monster.
  Love to you all, Chris

[freshair]

Sorry to hear this Chris. I certainly hope the next regimen works well for you. There have been good reports on Avastin.

It is never ending this disease. We have to keep faith and can only hope that the drug of choice works.  It really s...ks because I never took drugs---over the counter or any.

Cycolphosphamide (Cytoxan)---If you take this -- drink a lot of water. It inflames the bladder.

I start mine Wednesday and am worried also.

Love, Helen

[Tybear]

Well, you and I can be Avastin buddies...how does that sound?! I start Avastin and Cycolphosphamide next Wednesday...I tell you, after having these last three months off, I really can't seem to get into the fighting spirit! I DON'T want to do this...not one little friggin' bit. I told my son that I might lose my hair (from the other drug, not Avastin) and he tells me "wow Mommy, you'll look funny! Can I laugh at you?".... at least he asked...
Oh the things we do :)
Please let me know how it goes Monday...I'm scared to death about trying this new stuff...
Becky

[gah_70]

Even though you thought this might happen, it is still a punch in the gut when you get the actual numbers.  You've already proven how strong you are, so you'll start your new chemo and get through that, as well.  Did your doc give you any idea what he's going to put with it?  I'm just wondering if it will be Gemzar since that seems to be the trend with Avastin.  Whatever it is, I'm praying it works for you and brings those numbers back down.  Hope your sleep and "power surges" have improved with the new meds.  The side effects are sometimes worse than the diagnosis!  Good luck to you.

Gail

[cirella]

Well, poop!  I'm sorry to read this.  Chris, you have such a fighting spirit.  I pray that you can release the feelings of helplessness and know that God is guiding you.  You are so great...such an inspiration to many.  I'm so glad you are able to sleep better (and dryer)  ; )

Take care!
L

[Helmar]

Hi Chris... for what it's worth, you only have about 6400 to go to catch me. :-) ... so try not to stress about those numbers. They don't always tell it as it is, and if you are feeling pretty good on the whole, then maybe it's not as bad as you think. I guess it's part and parcel of having this wretched disease... we tend to maybe look on the darker side at times. That's good that you are able to get some good quality sleep, and hopefully not be stressing about this stuff. Stress is bad for us you know!  :-) Just want to wish you all the best with the Avastin etc.. Hope it proves to be your magic bullet too.  Hugs..Helen..

[rmarie]

There are a group of us going through this recurrence stuff together.  Aren't we all special!  Oh what I would give to be normal.  I am sitting here with my side sore from my surgery and wondering if I can handle the start of chemo on Monday.  The strength will come from somewhere.  Sorry about your numbers Chris.  All my best  Marie

[learninboutlife]

I have no idea what you guys go through -- but just know I'm in your corner of the ring, right beside you (kinda sorta) as you continue to fight!! Sending lots of love! Your in my prayers always,
Fran :)

[dustinsmom2]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time, even when you are expecting it, it is still such a blow to find out for sure. I sure hope that this is the right drug to use and am happy that now u got something to sleep, without sleep your body just gets more over wrought and it becomes a vicious cycle. Good luck and God bless

[vegas2cr]

Hey girlfriend, its going to be okay. They will find the right combination this time.. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.. sleep well knowing that so many of us are there for you.. Ronni

[Hindat]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  I really hope the Avastin works for you.  Know that you have alot of support in this fight.  You can do it.  Take care.

LOL
Linda

[Jan214]

Aw, honey I am really sorry.  I know you were expecting this but you wouldn't be human if you weren't hoping for a different outcome.
I know you are really sick of this, but I am glad to see you are ready to continue fighting the good fight.  Rembember, Chris, you are not fighting this alone.  
Take care and I will write you in a little while.
Love,
Jan

[Casey06]

Hi Chris...you have such a great attitude, it makes me embarrassed to complain about any of my aches and pains or worries. It is amazing how well we know are own bodies, if we let ourselves listen.
I will pray that the new chemo works. But I have read that if you do not have bad symptoms, that you should not be too concerned about a rise in the CA number alone. I know you said you thought  you had a few symptoms, but maybe you sort of convinced yourself. Keep fighting and we will be here to help and support you.
Take care -- Debbie

[ChrisP2236]

I'm so sorry to hear about your numbers.  And I'm also glad you got something to help with the hot flashes and sleep.  There is always the hope that the next treatment is the silver bullet that gets this thing.  Hoping you get good news soon.  Hugs, the other Chris

[PPhelps]

Hey, just popped on for a minute, and seen this. I know you were kinda expecting it, but actually being told it is something else.

I'm glad he gave you something so you can sleep now, go fill the prescription before it gets to late. You need your ZZZZZZ's.  

Thank you for your prayers, and as always I pray for your dance with NED.
Love Ya, Paula