Aa
On pain management and I think I am addicted
I have Degenerative Disk Disease, Bulging Disks, and Arthritis effecting every disk in my neck, and also a couple in my lower back. I fought for years to stay off of pain medication, I just didn't want to take the chance of becoming dependent on narcotics. I had a friend who become addicted to her pain medications and I saw what it did to her, also, until I was 9 years old I lived in a home that was surrounded with drugs. I never wanted to be in that life, and I for sure did NOT want my son to ever have to see the things that I did. Well, I have been on pain management for about 2 years now, they started me out on hydrocodone 7.5 and I am now on Oxycodone 10. The problem is, yes I take it for the pain, but I find myself also enjoying the effects of the medication and tend to over take my medication and run out before it is time to get my medication refilled. I am far from proud of this, I carry the shame and guilt with me everyday. I have talked to my husband about this, and bless his heart he tries to help me. He has taken my medication and locked them in the safe, but I have even gone so far as to wait until he is in the shower and I take his keys and get into the safe and get more of the medication. I am supposed to take 4 pills a day, so each day before he goes to work he sets them out for me. i am at the point that if I could, I would stop taking the medication and go into a recovery program, but without the medication I literally can not move, the pain is overwhelming and way too intense. I can't go to a NA program because I can't go in and say I am sober because I am not, and I also don't want to go in and jeopardize anyone else's recovery talking about how many pills I took that day. It's a very unique situation and I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to get the support I need. I want to learn how to get it back under control so I can take my medication like I need to and not how I WANT to. I never meant for this happen, it was the last thing I wanted. I don't know what to do or where to go for help. If i tell my doctor what is going on, he will stop treating me and where I live, I won't be able to find another pain management doctor. I know most people will say to just suck it up, stop taking the medication, or just find the will power, but it just isn't that easy. My husband knows what I am doing, and he has started keeping his keys on him at all times, so I am hoping that with that, it will end it, because then, there is no way for me to get my hands on the medication to get extra....now I just have to figure out how to handle all the emotions and also how to handle what my body is feeling. I have messed my body up so much now that just taking one at a time doesn't help with the pain, I have to take 2 to help with the pain, and when I only get 4 a day, if I take two at a time, that leaves me with 2 doses, instead of 4...I don't know how to fix that either. So, I know I will get nasty replies about this, but if anyone has any helpful suggestions, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Hi there, just checking in on you. Check your messages, I sent you a private message.
I hope everyone is doing OK. sending hugs and prayers to you all.
I hope everyone is doing OK. sending hugs and prayers to you all.
Hi Shakota, I have NOT read all of these responses, however, from your original post... Thank You for your HONESTY! I am 44, mother of 2, and over the past 20+ years I have undergone 11 surgeries, 3 spinal fusions/disc replacement both (Cervical & Lumbar). I just received my latest MRI on my lumbar, since the unbearable pain has once again returned with greater intensity and decreased sensation in both legs, etc...I am meeting with the surgeon this week and am almost sure an emergency surgery will be ordered.
I am a Chronic Pain Sufferer that must maintain an active lifestyle in-order to keep up with our 2 year old toddler boy.
I have been able to do so by changing from a Primary Care Physician to a specialist Pain Management Doctor, who understands that patients become "Opiate Tolerant" increasing their medication and changing/rotating meds when the patient begins to take more than prescribed.
Pharmaceutical companies have reformulated medications to tamper proof. I am currently taking Opana ER, which truly does cut my pain in half, most importantly it is long lasting, and the addict in me must admit...with smooth waves of euphoria.
IF you MUST take meds...I again recommend changing to a Pain Management Doctor, who will hopefully prescribe Extended Release pain medication. Best of luck yo you, Rebecca in Va.
I am a Chronic Pain Sufferer that must maintain an active lifestyle in-order to keep up with our 2 year old toddler boy.
I have been able to do so by changing from a Primary Care Physician to a specialist Pain Management Doctor, who understands that patients become "Opiate Tolerant" increasing their medication and changing/rotating meds when the patient begins to take more than prescribed.
Pharmaceutical companies have reformulated medications to tamper proof. I am currently taking Opana ER, which truly does cut my pain in half, most importantly it is long lasting, and the addict in me must admit...with smooth waves of euphoria.
IF you MUST take meds...I again recommend changing to a Pain Management Doctor, who will hopefully prescribe Extended Release pain medication. Best of luck yo you, Rebecca in Va.
My story… About 7 yrs ago, at age 54, I was diagnosed with fairly aggressive Rheumatoid Arthritis and during the same period, I had spinal surgery (artificial disk and fusion). Prior to that I was generally on the move, worked 60 hrs/wk in a professional position and was a shop-a-holic with my friends.
Well, all of that has changed! But, now my emotional state has become equally as painful as my physical, which I attribute to the pain meds. As a prior problem drinker, 35 years ago, I should have approached medication with considerable caution. Yeah, hindsight.
Actually, I have a few functional days each week when I don't need pain meds. But even on the good days, I take Norco, and compulsively try to get EVERYTHING accomplished in one day (stupidly)! The next 1-3 days, I am completely fatigued and in pain. Was it worth it? Well, after I recover, I seem to forget and do it again!
Thank you all for sharing so openly, and because of that, I feel safe enough to do so as well.
Well, all of that has changed! But, now my emotional state has become equally as painful as my physical, which I attribute to the pain meds. As a prior problem drinker, 35 years ago, I should have approached medication with considerable caution. Yeah, hindsight.
Actually, I have a few functional days each week when I don't need pain meds. But even on the good days, I take Norco, and compulsively try to get EVERYTHING accomplished in one day (stupidly)! The next 1-3 days, I am completely fatigued and in pain. Was it worth it? Well, after I recover, I seem to forget and do it again!
Thank you all for sharing so openly, and because of that, I feel safe enough to do so as well.
Hi There, If there's anything I can help you with, I am more than willing. Also feel free to send me a PM if you would like to talk in private. I'm glad that some information was helpful, I'm more than happy to help in any way I can.
I think having someone to talk to is very important. Even if you have someone to talk to in person, sometimes talking to people on boards like these can bring in fresh perspectives and you even can confide in us (because honestly, who are we going tell?), when we might not want to or be ready to confide in family and friends yet. I hope that made sense. 8-)
Talk to you soon, take care!
I think having someone to talk to is very important. Even if you have someone to talk to in person, sometimes talking to people on boards like these can bring in fresh perspectives and you even can confide in us (because honestly, who are we going tell?), when we might not want to or be ready to confide in family and friends yet. I hope that made sense. 8-)
Talk to you soon, take care!
Shakota1223,
You and Trixy71 have begun an excellent discussion! Both of you have given information that I found useful medically and emotionally. Thanks for bravely going where so many don't! (well minus the Starship Enterprise, ha.)
You and Trixy71 have begun an excellent discussion! Both of you have given information that I found useful medically and emotionally. Thanks for bravely going where so many don't! (well minus the Starship Enterprise, ha.)
Morning Shakota! Just checking in to see how yesterday went for you. I noticed for myself sometimes, distraction can help so much! Keep up the good work!
Thanks Trixy!
Today is much better, in fact I haven't taken anything yet and I have been up for 3 hours already. I am about to have to take my first pill though, I have been sitting at the computer this whole time working on my disability forms so my neck feels like its on fire. I think today is going to be a winning day!
Today is much better, in fact I haven't taken anything yet and I have been up for 3 hours already. I am about to have to take my first pill though, I have been sitting at the computer this whole time working on my disability forms so my neck feels like its on fire. I think today is going to be a winning day!
Your husband is absolutely correct, you did great. One extra pill is way better than 8 extra. And he is right also by saying that its not going to happen overnight. you did GREAT! Really, you did! Maybe you should keep some Ibuprofen around to help with those headaches, they work great for mine. Also, it could be partial withdrawal so also keep some Gatorade and crackers close by too, it will help.
Remember, take it one day at a time, and check in when you can. We're rooting for you!
Remember, take it one day at a time, and check in when you can. We're rooting for you!
Good Morning Trixy.
I am actually doing pretty good today. I was down yesterday with a spinal headache that I thought was going to kill me, I was so miserable and it was so hard not to double up on my pain medication. By the time my husband got home from work at about 11 last night I was in the fetal position. I didn't reach my goal, I ended up having to take all 4 of my pills and I was very frustrated. My husband just let me curl up in his arms and bawl, I was in so much pain I was hyperventilating and he talked me down and was massaging my neck and shoulders. I was even more frustrated and devastated when he ended up having to pull out a 5th pill to give me to stop the pain.
I had tried so hard to be good yesterday and I was crushed that I had failed. He reassured me that I did not fail, and that this change was not going to happen over night. That I really didn't fail and in reality did a great job and that he was proud of me because before, I would have doubled up on pills and instead of taking 4 or 5, on a "normal" day I would have taken 8 to 10 pills. So I actually did very well he said. I know what he was saying makes sense, I do...but I am still crushed and very upset about it. I ended up hardly sleeping last night, I didn't go to bed until almost 5 am, I just couldn't stop thinking about how badly I wanted to do it right yesterday, that I wanted to be good. It seems I spend most of my time crying these days.
Today is going to be better I hope. The headache is gone and so far the pain isn't too bad. I was able to only take one pill this morning, and I am proud to say that instead of taking it as soon as I woke up like I normally do, I didn't take it until an hour after I woke up, so I was happy about that. I am trying really hard to find the little positives, the little victories in all of it instead of focusing on the bad.
Thank you for thinking of me, Trixy, I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day.
I am actually doing pretty good today. I was down yesterday with a spinal headache that I thought was going to kill me, I was so miserable and it was so hard not to double up on my pain medication. By the time my husband got home from work at about 11 last night I was in the fetal position. I didn't reach my goal, I ended up having to take all 4 of my pills and I was very frustrated. My husband just let me curl up in his arms and bawl, I was in so much pain I was hyperventilating and he talked me down and was massaging my neck and shoulders. I was even more frustrated and devastated when he ended up having to pull out a 5th pill to give me to stop the pain.
I had tried so hard to be good yesterday and I was crushed that I had failed. He reassured me that I did not fail, and that this change was not going to happen over night. That I really didn't fail and in reality did a great job and that he was proud of me because before, I would have doubled up on pills and instead of taking 4 or 5, on a "normal" day I would have taken 8 to 10 pills. So I actually did very well he said. I know what he was saying makes sense, I do...but I am still crushed and very upset about it. I ended up hardly sleeping last night, I didn't go to bed until almost 5 am, I just couldn't stop thinking about how badly I wanted to do it right yesterday, that I wanted to be good. It seems I spend most of my time crying these days.
Today is going to be better I hope. The headache is gone and so far the pain isn't too bad. I was able to only take one pill this morning, and I am proud to say that instead of taking it as soon as I woke up like I normally do, I didn't take it until an hour after I woke up, so I was happy about that. I am trying really hard to find the little positives, the little victories in all of it instead of focusing on the bad.
Thank you for thinking of me, Trixy, I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day.
Thank you Kimmi. I appreciate your thoughts and help. I understand what you are saying about the rebound pain, I went though it when I got off pain management before. See I was off of it for almost a year when about 2 years ago when I first felt like I was having a problem with my meds, that is when I was on the hydrocodone 7.5. I was ok while I was off it, I missed the pills a little bit, but I never went out seeking the medication. I didn't buy off the streets or doctor hop or anything like that. See that is the thing that is hard for me, I don't search for the pills, but when I have them I enjoy them. The reason I got back on pain management is because the degeneration had progressed so much that the pain was out of control and the specialist I went to see said I was actually doing more damage to my body without the pain medication than I was when I was on it. So my new pain management doctor put my on Percocet 10/325 and also Neurontin. the neurontin was to help with the nerve damage and degeneration I am having trouble with in my right hip. So I know the difference between the rebound pain and the real deal. On top of it all, I am leaking spinal fluid so I get massive spinal headaches so the doc also put me on topamax.
As far as my diet, I am also diabetic, so I eat very healthy, mainly salads,and I drink a ton of water. My only option here is to learn self control and discipline and not take all 4 of my pills too quickly but to take them as directed by my doctor. Which is going to be hard but I don't have a choice. I can't get off the medication because then I wouldn't be able to move, or believe me I would flush the pills right now and be done.
As far as my diet, I am also diabetic, so I eat very healthy, mainly salads,and I drink a ton of water. My only option here is to learn self control and discipline and not take all 4 of my pills too quickly but to take them as directed by my doctor. Which is going to be hard but I don't have a choice. I can't get off the medication because then I wouldn't be able to move, or believe me I would flush the pills right now and be done.
First, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
I was in a bad car accident, two years ago, and I have been in chronic pain ever since. I have had several surgeries on my neck, back, and shoulders. So I know what constant pain feels like. It is miserable.
People who are not in constant pain find it hard to understand. But chronic pain effects the mind, as well as the body. So, for a person to become addicted to feeling good, when everything in their life is upside down, and painful, is not at all uncommon. So first, love yourself, accept yourself, and give yourself a really big hug for reaching out & trying to take care of yourself! :)
As for the addiction, I can't offer much help in that area. But I can tell you that rebound pain, caused by pain meds, is often worse than the original pain. I know this from experience... Three weeks ago I got off my pain meds because they were causing me heart problems, palpitations, high blood pressure, etc. (too many problems). So I decided to quit cold turkey - I wouldn't recommend this method. ...Anyway, the point is, three weeks ago I couldn't imagine not taking pills all day long. (I was taking pain meds in addition to over the counter meds). Since I have stopped taking the pain meds I have noticed my pain has been cut by 90%. So, while I don't really understand rebound pain, or why it happens, I am convinced that it was a HUGE part of my problem.
I know the idea of pain without meds is terrifying, and imagining life without the pills is scary, but, depending on how long you've been on the pills, maybe cutting them out would give you a better indicator of your real pain level.
Also, when a person is in pain their Serotonin levels & endorphins get all messed up. So the chemicals found in the pills are taking the place of the natural function of the brain. I think this contributes to pain med depression and hinders the body from healing.
I have been told that I will have this stuff in my system for months, because of the amount I was taking everyday. So in an effort to detoxify I have been drinking teas and eating lots of fruits and veggies. And if you can't get off the meds completely, at least maintain a healthy diet so your body can recover as much as possible.
In the end, I don't want you to think I am judging you, I am just offering suggestions based on my own personal experience. I sincerely hope you find peace.
May God bless you, and yours.
I was in a bad car accident, two years ago, and I have been in chronic pain ever since. I have had several surgeries on my neck, back, and shoulders. So I know what constant pain feels like. It is miserable.
People who are not in constant pain find it hard to understand. But chronic pain effects the mind, as well as the body. So, for a person to become addicted to feeling good, when everything in their life is upside down, and painful, is not at all uncommon. So first, love yourself, accept yourself, and give yourself a really big hug for reaching out & trying to take care of yourself! :)
As for the addiction, I can't offer much help in that area. But I can tell you that rebound pain, caused by pain meds, is often worse than the original pain. I know this from experience... Three weeks ago I got off my pain meds because they were causing me heart problems, palpitations, high blood pressure, etc. (too many problems). So I decided to quit cold turkey - I wouldn't recommend this method. ...Anyway, the point is, three weeks ago I couldn't imagine not taking pills all day long. (I was taking pain meds in addition to over the counter meds). Since I have stopped taking the pain meds I have noticed my pain has been cut by 90%. So, while I don't really understand rebound pain, or why it happens, I am convinced that it was a HUGE part of my problem.
I know the idea of pain without meds is terrifying, and imagining life without the pills is scary, but, depending on how long you've been on the pills, maybe cutting them out would give you a better indicator of your real pain level.
Also, when a person is in pain their Serotonin levels & endorphins get all messed up. So the chemicals found in the pills are taking the place of the natural function of the brain. I think this contributes to pain med depression and hinders the body from healing.
I have been told that I will have this stuff in my system for months, because of the amount I was taking everyday. So in an effort to detoxify I have been drinking teas and eating lots of fruits and veggies. And if you can't get off the meds completely, at least maintain a healthy diet so your body can recover as much as possible.
In the end, I don't want you to think I am judging you, I am just offering suggestions based on my own personal experience. I sincerely hope you find peace.
May God bless you, and yours.
Thank you! The cards are helpful, I love inspirational quotes, the meanings behind them are wonderful and touching. Sometimes just reading those words can make a huge difference and change your mind. But, I know that I can do this. I feel it in every part of my body I can get this under control, not all is lost. I think with a lot of support and help and determination I can gain control and get my life back. I REFUSE to allow this to control my life.
I just am going to tell myself " Think it, believe it, do it, achieve it!"
I just am going to tell myself " Think it, believe it, do it, achieve it!"
Trixy, thank you so much! You don't know what it means to know that I have someone to talk to. My husband really is a terrific man! He is the only one who knows about my problem. I am too ashamed to tell the few friends that I have, I am not afraid they will judge me really, they aren't like that, but I just can't bring myself to tell them. Plus they all have their own problems going on right now, so I can't burden them with my stuff. So, having support on here and people to talk to is a blessing so thank you! My husband is not just my husband but my very best friend and even though I was crushed to disappoint him, I am glad I told him. He was amazing and immediately jumped into action and started to help me. Anyways, thanks again Trixy. I will keep you posted. I am also taking advantage of this sites journal, so I can just write down what I am feeling and what is going on with me from day to day, writing has always been an amazing outlet for me, so I think that will help as well.
I think you are AWESOME for speaking. You won't be getting any judgement or hateful comments coming from this direction. Butrans is awesome, or at least it was for me. No "high" feeling and although it didn't make the pain go away, it was more controllable, requiring me to only taking something occasionally for breakthrough. I think the inspirational cards are a great idea. If you are a believer, following the book "Celebrate Recovery" is something that is not only helpful, but will help you with encouraging quotes and scripture. While I was in church this week, the pastor said "When your spirit is broken, it makes you seek help that only god can provide". I hope I'm not offending you by saying this. I wish you luck.
Also, your Idea's are not childish at all, if it works, that's great, that's all that counts! So don't think your being childish with the reward program with hubby! Its awesome that he is so involved to help you!
Anytime! I'm glad today was good. Remember, one day at a time, you can do this. As you said, distraction is a great idea! Remember PM me anytime, I'll be here to help you in any way even if its just a friendly ear to listen. 8-)
Wow, thank you so much! Those are excellent ideas. I hadn't even thought about talking to my doctor about. I am a little afraid to speak to him about it, everything I have heard about him says if you even hint at the possibility of becoming dependent or addicted to them, he just cuts you off. I can't risk that, because there aren't any other Doctors in my area that do pain management, so I take the meds he gives me and just keep my mouth shut in fear that if I say anything bad he will stop treating me all together. He can be very "brutal" is the word used most to describe him, or "angry little Asian man" which is awesome, I love my doctor. He is blunt, to the point, and isn't afraid to put the fear of God in you.
I really really want to get it under control and I really believe that with help I can. I got my new cycle of Oxycodone yesterday, as soon as I picked it up I handed it over to my husband who gave me my 4 pills, and locked the rest up in the safe. He has the only key which he is keeping on him at all times. Now, I have to control those 4 pills, which I am happy to say that as of this morning I am doing very well with. I only took 1 this morning which usually first thing in the morning I pop 2. We also spent last night reading up on addiction and how it effects us and things I can do to help control and curb my cravings.
I know it probably sounds silly and maybe even child like, but I also spent last night writing down inspirational quotes about addiction and hope on index cards, and I decorated them. Which actually did two things for me, it kept me busy, kept my mind off of wanting to take more of my medication, but I am also going to tack these cards up around the house in places that I can see them, so when I am thinking about taking more than I should I can see them and remind myself of my goals. On top of that my husband came up with a "reward program" that everyday if I only take 3 of the 4 of my pills he will give me a neck and back massage for 20 minutes. And every month that I reach my goal he will give me extra money to go play bingo with my best friend. So I know it sounds silly and childish that I am 32 years old and getting "gold stars" for my good behavior, but its motivation and gives me something to work for. Also, in the pill bottle that he puts my pills in for each day, I cut up little strips of paper with small quotes on, and also reason why I am trying to get this under control and put my husband and son's names on those slips of paper to remind me that they are my reason for doing this as well.
I was never way out of control with my meds, I never took like 20 or 30 a day like I have read a lot of people did, I took like at most 10 a day, but that is still scary and way out of my limit. It was a enough to scare me and know that I was out of control. So each day my goal is to control it, to take those 3 pills or the 4th one if I have to take it. I am really glad you answered my post, it was great advice and when I see my doctor next month, if I don't have this under control by then I will be sure to talk to him about the long lasting medications. I just really want to use this month to get it under control. I NEED to prove to myself I CAN do this, and also I want to do it for my husband and son. I know it will feel great when I do reach that goal. And having a support system at home and on here is going to be big help. So thank you for that :)
I really really want to get it under control and I really believe that with help I can. I got my new cycle of Oxycodone yesterday, as soon as I picked it up I handed it over to my husband who gave me my 4 pills, and locked the rest up in the safe. He has the only key which he is keeping on him at all times. Now, I have to control those 4 pills, which I am happy to say that as of this morning I am doing very well with. I only took 1 this morning which usually first thing in the morning I pop 2. We also spent last night reading up on addiction and how it effects us and things I can do to help control and curb my cravings.
I know it probably sounds silly and maybe even child like, but I also spent last night writing down inspirational quotes about addiction and hope on index cards, and I decorated them. Which actually did two things for me, it kept me busy, kept my mind off of wanting to take more of my medication, but I am also going to tack these cards up around the house in places that I can see them, so when I am thinking about taking more than I should I can see them and remind myself of my goals. On top of that my husband came up with a "reward program" that everyday if I only take 3 of the 4 of my pills he will give me a neck and back massage for 20 minutes. And every month that I reach my goal he will give me extra money to go play bingo with my best friend. So I know it sounds silly and childish that I am 32 years old and getting "gold stars" for my good behavior, but its motivation and gives me something to work for. Also, in the pill bottle that he puts my pills in for each day, I cut up little strips of paper with small quotes on, and also reason why I am trying to get this under control and put my husband and son's names on those slips of paper to remind me that they are my reason for doing this as well.
I was never way out of control with my meds, I never took like 20 or 30 a day like I have read a lot of people did, I took like at most 10 a day, but that is still scary and way out of my limit. It was a enough to scare me and know that I was out of control. So each day my goal is to control it, to take those 3 pills or the 4th one if I have to take it. I am really glad you answered my post, it was great advice and when I see my doctor next month, if I don't have this under control by then I will be sure to talk to him about the long lasting medications. I just really want to use this month to get it under control. I NEED to prove to myself I CAN do this, and also I want to do it for my husband and son. I know it will feel great when I do reach that goal. And having a support system at home and on here is going to be big help. So thank you for that :)
OK, no nasty reply's from me, and no judgement either. You have a problem but you are also in pain. Maybe speak to your doctor and ask about a long acting medication. Those simply releases the medicine more slowly and evenly. It will help with your pain but soon those "euphoria" effect will go away, if you even get them with the long acting. Also, knowingly taking additional of long acting can kill you, so it might be a safer alternative for you. There is also a patch that you wear for 7 days, its called "Butrans", it can help from the pain, but with this particular med, it will not give you any good feelings.
Yes you are getting addicted, but if you really need pain control then you have to discipline yourself even further. With the help of your husband and extreme self control, you can get through this, but you really need to want to or it will not work.
This is simply my own personal opinion. If you really are in pain, you absolutely must stop taking additional meds or you WILL ruin any chances of getting proper pain control. OK?
You can do this! Take care and keep us updated OK, feel free to PM me if you want to talk privately. I will be more than happy to talk, encourage you, listen to you vent, whatever you need OK.
Yes you are getting addicted, but if you really need pain control then you have to discipline yourself even further. With the help of your husband and extreme self control, you can get through this, but you really need to want to or it will not work.
This is simply my own personal opinion. If you really are in pain, you absolutely must stop taking additional meds or you WILL ruin any chances of getting proper pain control. OK?
You can do this! Take care and keep us updated OK, feel free to PM me if you want to talk privately. I will be more than happy to talk, encourage you, listen to you vent, whatever you need OK.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Pain Management Community
Find out how beta-blocker eye drops show promising results for acute migraine relief.
Could it be something you ate? Lack of sleep? Here are 11 migraine triggers to look out for.
Find out if PRP therapy right for you.
Tips for preventing one of the most common types of knee injury.
Here are 10 ways to stop headaches before they start.
Tips and moves to ease backaches
