STIGMA of pain medication/family rejection, etc

[veelighted7]

Hi Ya ALL : ) God bless.
I have had CP for almost 3 yrs from a spinal cord injury(severe whiplash). I look normal so my family think I'm whining and well, lost my mind because "how could anyone still be in pain after all this time?". Well, it's true. and it's a nightmare.

My sister told me on an email< "do not cry to me about your pain, deal with it! I've had pain in my life and problems and they only make me stronger, etc..." I was shocked and so hurt by her words. How could anyone be so cold to someone in their own family who is suffering? I was wondering if anyone else lives this nightmare of NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT OR BE ACCEPTED, ETC?
I also notice the stigma for those who need and take pain meds. We are seen as weak, as drug seekers, dependent, stupid, etc. I HAVE NEVER DRANK, DID DRUGS, PARTIES, SOUGHT DRUGS, ETC AND I'M 46 YRS OLD! WHY WOULD I SUDDENLY BE ON PAIN MEDS??? It just adds pain to injury. I find attending a support group helps and time helps....I am learning to not care if my sister nor my mother care, understand or believe me.

"because we look OK on the outside we are seen as weak and defective--like it's a character disorder and it's not"

God bless all new friends. : )
Vee(Colorado)

[FeCielo]

Jollyman, I also initially joined the substance abuse forum here until I looked further and found this forum. I have had people in my family give me so much grief over my pain meds that I thought maybe I did have a problem. It was  not until I came here and found others like me that I realized that there is a difference between being addicted and physically dependant.

veelighted, you have found a place where people will understand you. No one on this forum wants to be on medication. Everyone I have met here has tried EVERYTHING to avoid long term use of pain meds but when comes down to it if the meds make it so you can function and like in my case actually be able to play and enjoy my children then that is what you have to do. It is my mother who lectures me the most about my meds but I just let her talk and then do what I have to do to be able to get up and go to work and take care of my children and so should you. If they choose not to be understanding they are the ones with the problem not you.

[Tuckamore]

Hi Vee,

My colleagues have answered your post so very well. I am so very glad that you have found us. I sincerely hope you will stay with us and join in posting as Mollyrae suggested. We all know what you are talking about. I too stumbled on this site and have found friends, support, information and acceptance here. I am confident that you will too.

I too didn't do parties or drugs. I also "look" fine. No bones sticking out of my skin, no readily visible scars or the like....and of course we all know that according to many, if you can't see it, it doesn't exist. I got real grief from my siblings. I tried to ignore them but it hurt deeply. I have always had the marvelous support of my husband and my best friend. Great lifesavers. And five years ago I found a physician that properly diagnosed me and has saved my sanity.

I tried everything to educate my siblings to no avail. I provided them with literature that I am sure they didn't even look at. And to suggest they attend a pain therapy session with me would have made them laugh. So I am sorry but I do not have a good suggestion on how to get them to understand. Nothing worked for me until.....

Three years ago my sister, an RN began managing a unit of a large hospital that due to it's location deals with many chronic pain patients. About the same time my brother developed a severe back issue and crawled to the phone to call me. Because of two forms of "education" my siblings are now extremely supportive of me. and my brother offers understanding. It was nothing short of a miracle. We are very close again.

So I understand what you are going through, all of us do. We will beleive you and offer support in any way we can. Although I am once again close to my siblings I rely on this community. Sandee, Jolly, Molly and so many more know exactly what I am talking about when we chat.  I hope you will stay and join our community.

Take Care, Tuck

[jollyman069]

hi Vee this is how i ended up at MH..i have been going to a pain specialist for 4 years and have been on meds since then. Well i had family members and friends telling me that i was addicted to drugs..got me thinking i got scared that i was and started a google search and found this site. I joined the subtance abuse forum at first and earched the site and found the pain mangement forum. Well i learned that i am not addicted to drugs, yes i am phsically dependent on my pain meds but thta is far cry from addicition!!

Well now that i know the difference i have gotten to the point that i really dont care what they think. My quilaty of life is so much better with the pain meds then without them. My family and friends that have sat and listened to what i have learned also understands the difference and the ones that didnt take the time to listen i dont care what they think or say

[Mollyrae]

Hello Vee and welcome to the Pain Forum.

I have come to the realization that our Family and most of our friends will never understand our fight to keep our chronic pain at bay unless they suffer directly from it.

I have quit trying to make them understand. It is Forums like these that help me the most. Being able to chat with others who know the constant daily struggles.

Pain and the battles that go along with it can be very depressing and this is a great reason to talk with a Psychologist. They can help you better deal with the family members and just society deal with the negative side of things...mainly others that don't understand.

I am fortunate that my Mother suffers with chronic pain (not fortunate for her) so I have someone to talk with about my struggles. She also understands the meds that I take and would never tell me to "bone up" or "get off them".

We are here for you. This Forum is my daily outlet. Answering peoples posts really help me deal with my illness. Please take care and keep posting...it does help.

Mollyrae

[sandee1818]

Alot of CP sufferers go through this and it is heart breaking that our family the ones that are close to us do not understand and we have to look elsewhere for support.
Chronic pain is a disease just like any other disease. Some people just do not understand that and it is not just our family and friends, alot of doctors brush off chronic pain too.
The stigma of being seen as a drug abuser is brought on by those who do abuse the medications that we have to take to survive and it really angers me that we have to pay for their mistakes and stupidity.
Try and educate your family about chronic pain. If you see a pain phycoligist they will often invite your family so they can better understand what you go through daily. My Dad and Uncle has suffered from chronic pain since I was little and so I have family that understands the disease.
Try and get some information for your sister and Mom, you can find alot at the american pain society and also there are many groups that offer this type of information for this purpose. Having support is important.
I hope things get better for you. Do not wait on them to come around educate them about your disease and how you struggle each day.
Good luck:)