Where do you find the strength or will to live your life while in chronic pain???

[Skyfoxglitter]

While I am trying desperatley to live my life the best I can, I am so over whelmed by depression, anxiety, pain and an overwhelming feeling of complete failure..I am still young only 36 and I am so depressed at the thought that my future is always going to be chronic pain...I have had 3 back surgeries and from each I have walked away with additional issues, and of course the chronic pain....I do still work thank god or I would be really crazy but I am in healthcare so I can literaly only work part time and by the end of a shift I feel like my back is on fire and my legs are gonna fall off and I can't see how I will make it through another night, then there is the cold, when I walk outside and its 20 degrees my whole body tenses up and I swear I can feel every screw and every rod just twiting and turning inside....I am also depressed about the meds I have to take to function, they are Oxycontin 20mg 3x day oxycodone 10/325mg up to 5 a day for breakthrough, nuerotin 600mg 3x day, Baclofen 20mg 3x day cymbalta 30mg 1x day...and that seems like such a huge amount of medication to me but I certainly cannot function without it....I stress over the fact that I will become an addict of sorts being on these meds...I have 3 beautiful children that are my life but I can hardly do anything with them which also depresses me...Maybe i have gone on long enough about me I just want to know how other chronic pain patients find the will to go on??? What in your life makes it all worth it???

[Lindy125]

Hi there,
I hear all of what you are saying. Especially, as far as the medication.  Before I took oxycontin for the pain, I literally did not have a life.  In the beginning, due to all the horror stories, addiction, suicide etc. I was staying away from it.  My Dr. told me that a very small percentage of people who are prescribed meds for pain, abuse it. That made me feel very comfortable so I opted to try it.  I cannot tell you what a difference it made but still, I was always scared about addiction as I have never been what you would call an overly moderate person.  I do know that I am physically dependant on this medication now BUT there is a major difference between dependance and addiction and that is a tough one to come to terms with.  I also feel bad for my family as I feel like a put a damper on everything as they have to take my limitations into consideration when planning of events. There are some nights I feel so lonely for lack of a better way to say this as the hole house is quiet, sleeping and I am pacing around in pain, watching the clock, trying to keep quiet etc.  I have made a friend on this site and we email back and forth when are pain allows and its helpful in that you know these people are not judging you and can relate.  It proves that misery does in fact like company lol.  I hope this helps a little...Merry Christmas to you and your family!

[Red931]

I am sorry to hear of your pain. I too, have had 14 surgical procedures in the past three years, 8 of them on my shoulders. I am a bit older than you but at 45 I am not an old man yet either. I was forced to retire due to my condition on the 1st of this month. I was a police officer for 23 years. It has not been easy but you have to get support from your family and it will help you along.

You are on quite a bit of medication, but if you are working in the health care industry you should know that you will not become addicted but may develop a dependency on your medications even when taking them as directed. Your doctor should explain a plan to wean you off them when he or she feels the time is right for you to do so.

I have been able to go up and down over the years when my condition improved briefly and I am now on a downside again.

Keep your chin up!

[JoshuaY46013]

Wow, I just posted without looking over the forum.  

Let me just tell you something tho, you're not an addict because to take medication, why do people think that?  What makes you think you will become and addict?