Talkative 10 Year Old Girl

[jmc1974]

I have a very bright, social 10 year old girl.  She does well in school, has many friends, and is well liked by her teachers.  I just had a conference with her homeroom teacher this afternoon, who suggested to me that she feels my daughter is ADHD because she's so talkative.  She has no other behavior problems, is friends with everyone, and makes good grades.  I'll admit, I don't particularly like this teacher, because I find her to be very passive aggressive, so I'm trying very hard not to completely dismiss her suggestion on the grounds that I just don't like her that much.  My son, who is 4 years older, was diagnosed ADHD at age 6.  I know the symptoms look completely different in boys vs. girls, but what led us to have him tested were much more problematic behaviors such as impulsivity.  While he has had great success with a low dose of medication 1x per day and behavior modification, I just don't see the same struggles taking place with my daughter.  There are one or two nagging behaviors that worry me though.  First, she is an extremely messy child.  Her room always looks like a bomb went off.  She also has a very bad habit of picking at her skin, to the point that she often creates sores where there were none before, typically on her arms and legs.  She usually does this when she's bored, but if she's wearing long pants or sleeves, it's not a problem.  Could this be a nervous habit?  Is it something I should be concerned about?  The messiness honestly isn't as much of an issue for me, as I'm sure most kids' rooms stay that way a good bit of the time.  She seems to have great self-esteem (she's a tomboy) and gets along with literally everyone in her class - even the kids who seem to have trouble getting along with everyone else.  She plays sports, loves art and animals, and plays two instruments.  Should I just focus on motivating my daughter to work harder to control her talking in school, or should I be more concerned?  We don't have any trouble with her at home, and her friends' parents always tell us she's welcome anytime at their homes because she's so sweet and well-behaved.  I just don't want to overlook something.  

[jmc1974]

As far as the messiness and skin picking goes, I'll continue to observe these behaviors, but for now I don't think they rise to a level that warrants any kind of intervention.

[jmc1974]

The meeting with the principal went very well. She spent the morning observing the classroom interactions during home room, and also spoke discretely with several of my daughter's other teachers. She had very positive feedback based on her observations. She said my daughter is talkative during some class activities, but not inappropriately. She stated that her chatter was relevant to the class discussion (they were doing a science experiment), and did not take away from the lesson at all.  She also said that her other teachers spoke very positively about my daughter and are not having trouble with her. Everyone she spoke with disagreed with her home room teacher's "diagnosis." Long story short, the principal is going to handle the situation from here on out. I told her that I'm fine with that, as long as this teacher does not give my daughter a hard time during these last few weeks of school, and she does not slap a lable on my daughter. The principal agreed, so we'll see what happens in the weeks to come. Stay tuned....

[specialmom]

I completely agree with you about the idea of involving the principal.  I believe some kids have add/adhd and am a proponent of helping those children.  But it really irks me when teachers throw something like that out from a situation like you describe.  Boy, that sure ruins it A. for the kids who really have add/adhd and B. for the child that a label is suggested for when it is inappropriately based.  

Sounds like a good thing that this teacher's contract isn't being renewed!  I admire your wiliness to post about the situation and to remain open minded ----  but I really think she doesn't know what she is talking about.  

Talk to the principal and again, you sound like you are a good advocate for your child which is an important job of a parent.  good luck and let me know what the principal says!

[jmc1974]

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. As a mom of another child who does have a legitimate diagnosis, I'm not anti- anything either. I feel like I'm pretty open to hearing feedback from teachers, even if it's negative. I want to be sure that I'm being objective, and not just taking this teacher's suggestion personally because I don't like her.  With that in mind, I also need something more than a complaint of excessive talking to justify putting my daughter through a barrage of psychological testing and perhaps starting a controlled substance. Her teacher was quick to point out that she's "not suggesting meds," but I have to wonder why she brought it up if that wasn't her end game.  I've decided, after sleeping on it, to bring all of this to the attention of the principal. This is a private school setting, and there have been rumors that this particular teacher will not have her contract renewed this year.  Since I don't make a habit of going over teachers' heads, it's clear that I'm not the only parent who is having a problem. I think the principal should have as much information as possible if she's at all on the fence about renewing this person's contract.

[specialmom]

Ah, well, I think that teacher was out of line.  I have two kids.  One has a neurological disorder very similar to adhd called sensory integration disorder and one without.  My son without is a chatterbox.  he's very smart and finds school to be a place of social entertainment.  

this teacher sounds to not know much about adhd.  At all.  I would ignore her.  If you see issues with her ability focus, maintain behavior overall at home and other places, then you can look into it.  But one of the main points of adhd diagnosis is that it happens in multiple settings.  NOT just her class in such and such grade.

Talk to your daughter about self control and being respectful to other kids and teachers by NOT talking during class.

My chatter box had some consequences for not being a bit more respectful in school to those around him and that seemed to work.  He acts like he can't stop himself because he is so excited to tell his friend this or that.  But, that's it in terms of issues.  And THAT does not make him adhd.  

Kind of irritates me that this ill informed teacher is throwing out words like adhd.  I have had really good luck with teachers but some seem quick to throw out this adhd thing whenever a child doesn't do exactly what they want them to do.
good luck and be your child's advocate.  You can work on the behavior without it being a disorder.  (and remember, I'm not anti disorder as I have one child who does have a diagnosis . . . but his diagnosis is REAL with lots of symptoms.)