why does my 6 year old try to be so tough?...

[Mad_Mom]

My daughter is 6, will be 7 in April. She's always been mature for her age, because she has really bad asthma and a skin condition that causes severe pain (lichen sclerosis of the genitals), so shes been through a lot. Shes a very sensitive, sweet, well mannered little girl.. well she was. Shes been acting out a lot lately,  she has been violent, kicking, choking, screaming mean things, just trying to be hurtful. Shes been lying, hurting her brother (hes 2) and she even got in a screaming match with a substitute at school last week telling her that shes stupid and doesn't know anything. Everything happening is very out of character for her, but she says everything is fine. She doesn't want to talk about anything, shes not mad, shes not sad, nothing, she wont open up to me or the school counselor, and we haven't been able to get her in with a psychiatrist yet, so I don't know what to do in the meantime.

I know why this has happened, my husband recently moved out after one crazy binge that had him high babbling nonsense for 3 days, he went to rehab for his drug addiction, has 27 days sober, is spending more time than ever with the kids, but not staying at home. im sure shes feeling a lot of crazy feelings, but shes completely shut down, pretends nothing is going on, and I dont know how to help. She puts on a show for him, cries and begs for him to stay, but as soon as he leaves she turns off the tears, wont talk about it, and acts like im crazy and imagining that she was crying... back to everything being fine.

[Mad_Mom]

My question was  not how do i get my child to behave, because that's not the issue. l will clarify, when she hurts her brother and lies, its because he wants to play and be by her, and she does it to make him go away, its as if she does things just to be disciplined sometimes. She doesnt want to go to the store so she will lie and say daddy told her he was getting milk, or she doesnt want to eat dinner with us so she will serve herself and scarf it down before we have a chance to sit down and pray,  or she'll sneak snacks, then lie and say shes not hungry and ask to be excused, i force her to sit there until we all finish so she sits there and sobs the entire time but pretends shes not crying that theres something in her eye. At first i thought she was avoiding things we used to do as a family, but now its everything she liked to do, everything that made her happy. I do discipline her, just as the school disciplines her for acting out, but she is numb to it all. She is sad, she seems to feel bad after hurting her brother, and is well behaved if she is left alone. She just sits in her room and does nothing, she doesnt want to play with friends, or read or color, she pretends the rest of the world doesnt exist. She doesnt need more discipline, she crying out for help, and I dont know how to help her.

[MarkLakewood3367]

You don't speak of any discipline imposed for these behaviors.  Your daughter requires consistent discipline to curb these behaviors.  I don't think that it is necessary for parents to over-analyze why their child misbehaves.  The fact is that all kids test limits as they attempt to control their environment.  The only way to get a true assessment of the situation is to see how your daughter responds to effective and consistent discipline.