17 yr old son loves dolls

[joannje]

I was wondering if there is any reason for me to be concerned about my 17 yr old son. First I should say he is “normal” and gets straight A’s in high-level classes and tries really hard in school, has friends, is great at art, etc. But he loves dolls, and no I don’t mean action figures, I mean fashion girl dolls. He saves up to get new outfits for them and everything. He is well aware of how his friends would make fun of him if they knew, so he keeps it secret. For a long time now I haven’t done anything about his hobby because I thought it might just be a phase, and after all his friends collect superhero things, so I’ve been telling myself it is just like that. However recently I have been trying to “connect the dots” and was wondering whether or not his attachment to dolls might be affecting him negatively and I still don’t know if I should do something about it. He has never shown any interest in getting a girlfriend and spends all his free time drawing, mostly pictures of his doll character in different outfits/poses. His art teachers say his drawings are amazing and I don’t want to discourage him from using his talent since he is thinking about applying to art school. But it comes off as a little obsessive to me that he draws his doll characters so much. Also, when he talks about his dolls, he says things like “her dress is so pretty” that I would not expect to come out of any other teenage BOY’s mouth. And what inspired me to post this question happened the other day when he thought he had lost his favorite doll. He was on the verge of tears when asking me to help find it, I’m not kidding, which I definitely think is a sign that something is off. When he eventually found the doll he kissed it. I really don’t think this is healthy. Any advice on where to start with addressing his “hobby”...?

[specialmom]

Well, I don't think you should take away the dolls.  It's his thing and he loves it.  Who knows?  Maybe he will become a fashion designer.  Have you looked into that?  My niece is a graphic artist who went to a top school for art and design.  Fashion design is huge there and a straight A kid into fashion and drawing . . . seems like a no brainer.  Maybe a career path and I'm sure at 17 you are thinking along these lines. My niece is now graduated and I will say, she makes a fabulous income as a graphic designer.  And has friends doing all sorts of things in the fashion industry.  

The kissing of it, okay.  A little weird.  I see your point that it is a bit much.  It just seems immature for a 17 year old to be so attached to things like that, anything like that. I'd think it was weird if he kissed his batman figure at 17.  But otherwise he has friends and is socially within 'normal'?  If it were me, I'd start a conversation. It's hard when that age because you don't want to alienate them and make them not trust you to have conversations.  But you could maybe say "so, what's up with the dolls?  What do you love so much about them?  Tell me about it".  Not in a judging kind of way but in an interested, trying to understand kind of way.  Ask him why he kissed his doll.  Try to figure out through conversation what his thoughts are.  Then you can determine if it's a let's get our kid to a psychologist moment or just something kind of immature and silly he does.  And most importantly, is this leading to a future career!  good luck