Help! I don't know what to do anymore!

[NB02]

I have a 6 yr old daughter (7 in January) She never grew out of temper tantrums. They are rare, but they still occur. Normally she is the sweetest child. At times she will refuse to eat her dinner, so my husband will tell her to sit at the table until she eats. That will result in her crying, which will lead to a blown out fit, kicking and screaming. Our newest problem is school. She is so shy that she is terified. This is her first year of a full day (1st grade) and she is having the hardest time adjusting. She cries almost every morning. Today she had a kicking and screaming fit until she ended up in her room. We have done this 4 times this year so far (since Sept) She will finish her episode and then we take her in to school. The thing that concerns me is she doesn't seem to be in a normal state of mind, she will constantly repeat herself  ex. "I don't like to go to lunch, I don't like to go to lunch" 100's of times, and her eyes seem glazed over like she isn't there, almost like a trance. She has the sweetest teacher, but she is getting to the point of being tired of babying her everyday. I don't know what to do anymore! HELP!

[babygirl6152]

yayyyy- wow what a wonderful school-  so happy for her

[NB02]

Yes, she said that my daughter is welcome to invite a friend or come alone and eat in her office whenever she would like to and they are also giving her special jobs to do at school to take her mind off things, hopefully it helps.She did very well today, so hopefully it continues....

Thanks for the advice!

[babygirl6152]

did they think up a plan for lunch time?

Anxiety at lunch time could be- social interaction for her is a turn off- for me I know I hate it still- I am fine with my family but I cannot stand social situations where I feel alone having "to find a friend" even at this old age.....
I used to work in a school lunch room- it is LOUD- I had little ones actually cry because of all the noise- it's hard to keep all those kiddos quiet and as many times as we tried the noise level always rose right back up again.
Just brainstorming with you mom

yeah that is a LOT to have going on- new home,new baby

warm regards

[NB02]

I am 99% sure that dinnertime is not making her this way. I always give in and let her leave the table. We buy her kid cuisenes if she doesn't like what we are eating, and I never force her to eat or finish, but we do make her at least try a bit or compromise and have her eat half. I honestly think that she is having a hard time adjusting to a new life...We just had a son last September, 2 weeks after she started kindergarden, and we just bought a new house in Decemeber, so she went from being an only child, not in school yet and a living somewhere else to being a big sister, school, and new home. We had a meeting today with the school psychologist and things went pretty well : )

[babygirl6152]

I think there is a possibility the eating at mealtimes in your home have her a bit freaked- probably not what you wanted to hear- does she like peanut butter and jelly?

Our children that hated the meal we served were allowed to make themselves a pb+j if they hated what we served- it happened rarely but there were no issues that way and it was your rule so you still got them to eat-

personally since I was the child that wouldn't eat much when I was younger I am proud that my parents never made it a control issue- could you look deep into your heart to see if that is perhaps what is happening here? Believe me I am fine now at 150 pounds :-)

It happens in lots of households- food is expensive- it take lots of time to prepare- we want to eat together as a family- then the child refuses to eat it- I know it's hard for the parent- but believe it or not in the long run its easier to ignore a bit of it within reason than checking her into a facility at age 14 with anorexia nervosa

Just please please please try to make mealtimes a relaxing time- and celebrate silently when she joins you all in eating- the issue obviously has her torn up....

[jdtm]

Your child is suffering from anxiety, probably social anxiety.  The behaviours you described are all common to anxiety issues - for some reason, lunch (and probably recess and gym class) are very difficult for your child.  She is not eating because, I suspect, the stress and pressure of the situation (probably in the evening after school), literally can "freeze" her throat so that eating is very difficult.  By the way, your sentence "She is so shy that she is terrified" is exactly "spot on" - this is what your daughter feels most of the time - terror.

You might wish to google the phrase "anxiety in children" or "childhood anxiety" or similar words/phrases to find out more about this issue.  Then, please contact your family physician for help in this area.  If he/she is unable to help you, then ask for a referral to a specialist with experience in anxiety issues.  If anxiety is the issue, your daughter will not outgrow this nor will it go away.  Anxiety, by the way, is highly treatable.  I wish you the best ...