wrong or right

[benella]

recently our seven year old did not finish dinner and in this situation our rule is there will be nothing more on offer till breakfast, on this occasion my wife told him that however half an hour later she was asked to briefly go to work party around the corner which she did and took ben. When she arrived  home I asked if ben had eaten there which she got angry with as he had. I think in this case its even more important to carry out the rule and be consistant. What do you think. also i am a big believer that if a rule is in place it is to be 100% consistant no matter what is going on around is that wrong and should I be more open

[toxictome]

When I was a kid...I had to "clean my plate" before i coud be excused from the table. Some nights i would sit there for a LONG time after everyone else had left the table. I dont' believe that children should be made to "clean their plate" at dinner. Children stop eating when they are full. Many times, my son will say..."I'm full" . I say,"ok...if you get hungry later you have to finish your dinnner first before you can have anything else."  It works every time. We are not all programmed the same..and aren't hungry at the same time. I feel there are too many issues w/ kids...and I tend to be a control freak...so this is my attempt to "loosen up a little bit" and let him have some control . I try to pick my battles. Good luck!

[Ravare]

True, but if they said the child couldnt have anything else because they didnt finish their food, then the child knew what was said and why it was. So if the child ate at the party, then they knew they were going against the wishes of their parents. The child is 7 and is old enough to understand what their parent says.

The fact that the child was put in a situation where they were tempted was the parents fault, but the child is not completely innocent due to the fact that they ate the food when they were given instruction not to have anything else because they did not finish their food at home.

Both sides were wrong, the parent for putting the child in a tempting situation and the child for taking the food when they knew they were not supposed to.

[margypops]

When the Mom got angry at the child eating at the friends party , especially if the child heard the Mom getting angry,I would call that at least a form of punishment when the child was being told it cannot eat at a party because of a rule.

[Ravare]

I dont think he is focusing on punishing the child, its more of an issue of having a rule at home, then the rule is broken by the other parent without discussion.

In this case, yes it may seem small, but the underlying factor is that this can create a pattern with the child where he/she may feel "dad said to eat my food, but I know mom will let me get away with it". If a rule is set, both parents need to follow through with it or place the child in a situation where the rule will not be broken, else it will communicate to the child that what one parent says, doesnt mean that is the end of the discussion because the other parent will overrule it.

[margypops]

I agree with jtdm it sounds like a tough rule to me, part of being a child to want party food , how about focusing on having fun with your child ,instead of punishing.

[mtgoat911]

why did she take him to a party where there would be so much food?
definantly stick with your house rules
have them written some where
mine are posted in our dinning room..........we have a point system
beside the list of rules, both kids have a cup
each day they earn points for good behavior and loose points for unwanted behavior
this situation is over with now, so theres no use beating it to death
just remember that next time you want your child not to eat, no parties

xo

[Chrystal_H]

Hello, We also have that rule and My husband and I follow the rule 100% we tried to make our daughter sit and eat her food but after awhile of course that didnt work so now we tell her she can be excused from the table but she wont get anything else to eat and for the most part she is ok with it. I would have been upset that the child got to break the rule, But I also understand that maybe your child said something around other people that he was hungry and your wife not wanting to cause a confrontation just aloud him to eat. Good luck.

[babygirl6152]

When we break rules, it is really our decision as adults.. I think what is important for us adults is to let the child realize it was our decision for some reason or another to break that rule. Between me and my coworkers even at preschool, or even their mothers, they know I like consistency but I tell them if it is our choice to break the rule, the child should know it was not because they were begging for the change, whining, whatever that helped us make that decision. To you it may seem like I am splitting hairs but let me give you an example......

Child is told not to eat again til morning after refusing evening meal... mom takes him to party round the corner. Mom realizes it is too much of a temptation and makes an executive decision even in the father's absence that it's too much to ask a small child to be surrounded by food and not have him eat something. You might then say- but that is the whole point- he will then really learn his lesson.....

1. When you have to let your child go anywhere with mom, you are saying you trust her decisions. Same thing with her- in her absence- she wants to believe you have good motivations and make good decisions in her absence..... Basically when together you all make good decisions. Moms are almost always a bit easier on the children than dads, but when they are alone you kind of have to take this into consideration and know that "moms are just like that"/

2. Mom made the decision- tell her you are not happy with it and you would have preferred xyz- maybe leaving the child home next time so there will not be temptation to either change the rules..... I am a mom and I can see how she probably thought- It's just too much to ask a child to be at a party and not offer him food to eat since the others are all pigging out.... then if you can see it was the adult's decision to change the rule you can stand by it......

on the other hand if the child whined and cried- "but I want some" I am ssso hungry because dad won't let me eat anything til breakfast" that is manipulation and the child was then in control of the situation and mom was swayed by the child's whining.


See the difference?
Basically all she wanted was for you to say was- "I can see your point- it was too much to ask just that one time"

[jdtm]

Sometimes rules are made to be broken.  You're trying to make a mountain out of a molehill.  What's important is that you raise a well-adjusted child in a loving and safe environment. If this is your biggest "problem" in life, consider yourself blessed.  I wish you the best ....