My 4 year old daughter

[bpcowans]

Ever since my daughter was about one she has had the worse anger outbreaks. She gets very abusive to herself. She has bit me to the point where I am in the need for stitches. She has put bruises on her brother. Anything and everything triggers her outbreaks. I disciplined in every way known. Taking her toys away, time outs, I have spanked her. When she's going through these outbreaks sometimes I have to just talk to her but then sometimes that doesn't even work. I don't know what to do for her. It's heart breaking not knowing what to do to help her.

[AUSTIN431]

It sounds a lot like some of our problems with our daughter but every child is different so their symptoms are different,my daughter hurts herself when she gets too upset or angry and she just doesn't know how to calm herself down we had to start really young with her no hitting love and have her rub our arm or something to show her how she's supposed to act its really helped as she's gotten bigger and harder to handle .I would start a journal and write down as much as you can when did the fit start how long it lasted how long it took to calm her down what did you do to calm her down and what was happening before the fit started what kind of mood was she in what did she do that day right now it seems random but maybe if you write it down you'll see something you missed before it could also help with your doctor to get you a consultation with a specialist .

[bpcowans]

It doesn't matter the situation. It can be something small in my eyes but extreme to her. Then there are times where it would start out of no where. We would all just be sitting around and she just burst out in screams and tears. When I try talking to her to see if she could tell me what's wrong she doesn't know. She does get physical with herself and others. It's very sad to see this. Playing with other kids is Okay. She is a little shy but I never really associated with the current issue.

[AUSTIN431]

We had her tested and she is autistic very high functioning but she gets over sitmulated.Noises bother them,changes in their routine ,certain touches ,they want their toys and food in a certain way and they don't like changes you have to watch her is she throw a fit or is she upset and doesn't know how to calm herself down? Did she throw a fit about nothing or was she overly upset about something you would consider unimportant but to her is very important ? Does she turn her back  when she's been around alot of people for awhile or get angry and act out? They need quiet and routine so when you being her home snack reading bath time anything she likes to help her decompress and return to normal and talk to your doctor

[AUSTIN431]

We had the same problem with our four year old daughter .She would start screaming and yelling over nothing ,she would hit herself on the head,or pinch herself ,she would hit anyone who was around her or lay in the floor kicking and screaming .What worked for us was distraction if she was hurting her self or other people she was punished with time out or taking away toys then she would start with the screaming and yelling and then we would tell her she would stop being punished as soon as she said she was sorry then we would say something like i wish suzy was being a good girl because we want to go to the park or blow bubbles (some of her favorite things)so then she thinking about something good and if she's good she'll get it .Also I'm sure people will say I'm terrible for this but if she's hurting herself or someone else and wouldn't stop I used cold water right over her head it doesn't hurt but it always made my daughter stop she thought it was funny she loves getting wet.

[bpcowans]

We have spanked her. We have tapped her on the hand but that was AFTER she was becoming physical. We stopped that because yes telling someone not to do something and doing it IS sending the wrong message. Her Spanks were never to the point to cause pain. It was never in an abusive way. I would never dare to hurt a child. A family member takes care of her for daycare. She will be starting school this year. She does play with kids her own age outside of the family. It doesn't matter where we are, what we're doing she has an outbreak. I know there has to be a reason for all this, I just wish I had an idea of what the reason was.

[margypops]

There is no doubt that she is upset about something,the words were yours about 'spanking' I was telling you it has been shown many times not to work and children copy.Does she go to day care or pre school could there be any problem there .?

[bpcowans]

Spanking him was never a permanent thing. It was when she was getting physical. Our family is not the hitting type at all. We Soon realized that was not an option with her. We ended that as soon as we started it. All my children get plenty one one time. Boys do their thing and the girls do their own thing. We do family things as well. Everybody has their special times. Also this began before her brother was born.

[margypops]

How old is her brother she could have some jealousy issues if he is younger, what triggers the anger' outbreaks' ?  Spanking does no good in fact it is sending the message that it is okay to hit, and she will do it to others, hence her biting you, children learn what we teach them .Too much punishment meeted out here , focus on her positive side and praise her when you see her doing something right.Get Dad involved ,how about some one to one time let Dad look after brother whilst you do some things with her,walk in her shoes . They grow up very quickly ..good luck