Finn has arrived!!! and a sleep question

[nola0805]

I had my little boy on Sept 3rd.  It was a fast labor, which took me by surprise but everything went well and he was very healthy, weighing in at 8lbs, 11oz - I am glad that he did not go past his due date!!!  Photos and the birth story are on my profile.  

He is perfect and I am so in love with him but these first few weeks have been harder than I imagined. Breastfeeding has been a big challenge but I am now working with a lactation consultant and things are strating to improve.  He also won"t sleep more than 15 minutes unless I hold him or he is propped in his boppy, which I know is not safe, but I also need to sleep.  I have tried a million things - including swaddling and using the positioners to have him sleep on his side and nothing really works. He is now is 2 and a half weeks old and it is getting a little better.  Has this happened to anyone else and does it get better as they age and their nervous systems mature?  It seems to me that he startles himself when on his back and that wakes him up.  Or does anyone have any tips for helping him sleep on his own and on his back?   Thanks.

[Ecologic]

It's too bad you have not been able to swaddle Finn yet, it's such a nice soothing technique! You have one strong baby!! You could also try to saw the arms on a pyjamas on the pyjamas body itself so they don't move, just an idea I read about on the net when looking how to unswaddle Benoit.

Yes enjoy the time with your newborn, as challenging as they might be, because soon this time will be behind you. I can see it with Benoit, he is only 4 months old but he is so big now (over 16 lbs) and I sometimes miss my tiny newborn, he grew up too fast for me.

Yes I am still breastfeeding Benoit a lot, he does not want to give up nursing. It's still challenging when I am on trips as he tends to be very fussy and grumpy. He just started part-time daycare this week so we'll see how fussy he is next week when I am gone for 2 nights...

[adgal]

I am so glad to hear things are improving a bit.  Those first few weeks are such a shock to the system...I thought I was so prepared, but wow!  I'm glad to hear that you have such a supportive DH as well.  So did I and it made such a difference.  I remember one time laying in bed nursing Ryder and DH was feeding me at the same time..lol.  And you are so right about missing these days.  They change and grow so fast and I kind of miss all of that now.  Weird..lol.

I just wanted to comment on one of the things you said...trusting your instincts.  I think that is the key to everything, I really do.  I spent so much time questioning myself and reading baby books as well as info on the internet I got myself completely muddled.  I finally stopped and trusted myself..and my little guy has grown into a healthy and super happy baby.  So believe in yourself and your instincts.  Your doing great!!!!

[nola0805]

Thanks so much for all of your comments, shared stories, and suggestions. It really helps to know that this is not unusual for a newborn and that it will get better.  Things have gotten a little better just these last 2 days - he sleeps better in the swing and boppy during the day.  At night and at least for one nap, he still sleeps on me, but I am better able to sleep as well during these times, and in some ways I enjoy the cuddle time despite the lack of good quality rest - and I know I will someday wish these days back.  He already seems to be growing so fast.  I was worried that it would be impossible to ever get him sleeping in his bassinet or crib once he got used to sleeping with me all the time, but everyone's comments combined with my instincts have reassured me that this is not necessarily the case and when he is ready, we will try the bassinet again.  I still laugh at the irony that I spent so much on an organic bassinet, organic mattress, organic mattress pad, and organic sheets and he spent a total of 10 on them and hours with me on my old couch.  

KarenDiane:  thanks!  Finn has an exaggerated startle reflex as well.  I have tried having him sleep next to me but it doesn't work - he likes to be actually on me.  So we sleep on the couch - I feel safer with him on me when I am on the couch.

Ecologic:  I have tried the swaddle but Finn breaks out of everyone no matter how tight - he even broke out of the ones the nurses tried at the hospital (they had never seen such a strong newborn - he was lifting he head high minutes after birth!).  I did just get the ones with velcro from Summer and will try them - thanks for the suggestion.  Is Benoit doing any better with bottle when you are away?

Raven:  I do have a moby and he loves it and it works wonders but I am limited to how long I can use it because it puts so much pressure on my healing perineum (still recovering from those tears).  I am hoping that as I continue to heal, I can use it longer.

Adgal: thanks for the tips.  Thank goodness my DH is such a help - he does all the cooking and cleaning and also helps a ton with the baby - he is so, so smitten with Finn. I honestly don't know how I would do it without him.

[RavenT]

I would recommend a snuggly... Where you can either carry him on your front or back, keeping him close and still get things done...

Never let a baby cry himself to sleep especially if you know what he or she wants... It takes away the power of their voice and can cause abandonment issues...

We are all they have and the only way they can communicate is thru their voice...

Good luck!!!

[Ecologic]

If you choose to swaddle him, one tip to make him sleep: swaddle him then breastfeed him on your bed, laying down side by side. He should fall asleep easily after 10 minutes, then lift him and put him in his crib: he should stay asleep. This worked well for Benoit, particularly at night.

[Ecologic]

Benoit has never been a good sleeper neither. When he was 2-3 weeks old, he had one day where he went with no real nap other than falling asleep at the breast and that's when I started to swaddle him - he slept in a bassinette in our room. I bought swaddles from Summer at Babies R Us, if you try them buy the ones that don't stretch in fleece and make sure his arms are fairly tight on his side without hurting him of course. For him swaddling did the trick and he generally napped in the morning for 3 hours, sometimes in the afternoon as well for 1-2 hours.

Halas a bit after 3 months it was time to remove the swaddle, he is 4 months old now and he naps only 30-40 minutes at a time, 3 times a day. I miss his 3 hours nap!

Nights were better: he would wake up twice for the first 3 months, now it's once.

Good luck!

[adgal]

Congratulations and so happy to hear everything went well and he is healthy!

I also really feel for you.  Ryder wasn't a good sleeper either.  At most he would sleep an hour at a time.  Swaddling helped some (I didn't use a positioner) and more often then not I fell asleep nursing him.  It was hard.  It did improve a bit at a time.  He is still not the best sleeper and doesn't sleep through the night unless co sleeping, but huge improvement.  

One of the things that helped was during the day I pulled his basinette out into the living room and didn't keep it quiet.  He seemed to like just being close to where I was and slept better.  I just kind of pulled him around with me.  DH helped alot as well and often we slept in shifts, especially on weekends. There were many days though I don't think I even got out of bed...just fed and napped when he did.  It did get better though and he is a happy healthy 8 month old now with a pretty well rested mommy!

It's so hard..those first few months were a bit of a daze for me.  But you'll get through it...it seems to happen to alot of us.  Just make sure you grab sleep every second you can...housework and everything else leave for your DH.

Congrats again, he is beautiful!!

[momof8215]

My youngest son, who is now 14 yrs old screamed for the first 4 months of his life unless he was being held and that is a true story!!!  You cannot spoil a baby under the age of 1, they don't have the ability to manipulate that way. If they cry it's because they "need" something. My son "needed" to be held. He wasn't colick either because he did stop crying when picked up. I would be able to time it in 5 min increments from the time I put him down until he would cry again. I'd run and put in laundry or get dishes started. Everything else I needed to hold him to do it, like cook dinner, vaccuum,etc. In order to shower, I had to enlist my then 9 yr old daughter to hold him until I was done. I know that this doesn't make you feel better but.......the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for me was, at 4 months old the crying just stopped instantly and he was an amazing baby and toddler from that point on. I guess after all that he figured "Hey, this lady is trustworthy, I'll give her a break" LOL!!! This too will pass and like the song says" You're gonna miss this, You're gonna want this back, You're gonna wish these days didn't go by so fast!" ETC. Best of luck to you and deep breaths help!!

[KarenDiane]

Congratulations! Finn is beautiful. I'm happy you are getting to breastfeed him. It's quite an experience huh? Liam has what the Dr. called an exaggerated startle reflex. I couldn't get him to sleep at all until I put him in the bed with me. I sleep with him all cuddled up next to me and that has worked really well so far. My daughter was the same way. It's unfortunate but some babies just do not like to sleep on their backs.

[tschock]

CONGRATZ!!!

With my last one he basically lived in his little swing the first 3 months...that's the only way he seemed to be comfy...and the only way I could sleep too. lol

Honestly, all babies are different...light sleepers and heavy sleepers...and those that don't seem to sleep at all.
My baby is 18 months and still doesn't sleep...ugh. lol

Good luck

[sue68]

HI there,

I had problems breastfeeding too - but they've improved - or either I'm used to it - or grew thicker skinned nipples...  

My son didn't sleep well either - we ended up taking shifts sleeping with him on the sofa with pillows propped under our elbows to keep him in place...We got sleep but, then couldn't do anything. He'd cry whenever we put him down. Then when he hit the two month mark we thought it was a good time to give him the "tough love" and train him to sleep on his own. We let him cry - in 15 minute increments at first. It was hard to hear him cry - snatched him up the first time after 10 minutes.
I feel for you. It hasn't been so long that I remember how tiring those times were and how exhausting it was....sooooo little sleep. I remember how I felt like screaming , had a headache I was tired - and he'd cry non stop.

Know that it DOES get better. Really - it does.  People told me that back then and I didn't believe them - but, it does get better.  Now when I put my son down to bed , he cries sometimes ( I recognize his sleepy cry ) but, he's learned to fall asleep. He sometimes wakes up crying ( still has that startle reflex too ) but, falls back to sleep on his own.  My sil told us to be strong at the beginning - thought we were spoiling him when we picked him up. I like to think we were comforting him , building a sense of security.  Thought he was too young to let cry alone.  Didn't want him to have "issues". We didn't have the heart to let our baby cry so long - but, later on - during the day, when you want to go to the bathroom or do something with free hands - you might want to consider the "tough love" method. My sil let her daughter cry it out from the beginning - niece is a good sleeper by the way.   My big sis also did the same. All her 3 kids are good sleepers.  Either way works - its up to you.  Good luck to you - remember - IT DOES GET BETTER ! ( breastfeeding too ).    And CONGRATS on your baby !