Feeling depressed

[Moonflower09]

I feel af coming again. Feeling so sad and depressed. Why is it so hard to get pregnant? My hopes get so high in the beginning, we try, and again unsuccessful. This is getting so hard. Everything makes me want to cry.

[Moonflower09]

Thanks to all of yall. I'll try anything. And somehow I've got to pull myself together for an interview this afternoon.

[shuga1109]

I know exactly how you feel.  Ive never been so sad in my life.  We are here for you.  My fiance and I want a child together.  But, it just doesn't seem to happen.  I torture myself with pregnancy tests every month.  Im also going to take our cyber buddies' advice.  I just started by vitamins, increased water intake (you should start a water-intake tracker), and avoid caffeine, begin OPKs and BBT charting.  We can help each other.  AF is on its last day today!  So, we are not too far apart.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Moonflower09]

I took a pg test. Negative. Shortly thereafter af arrived. (sigh) maybe it's just not meant to be. It certaintly hasn't been for the lack of trying. Guess that's all we can do.

[adgal]

Well....it could be a delayed period.  Or perhaps?  Did you take a HPT today?  If nothing tomorrow, I would give it a try.

If it is just a late cycle, it does not mean perimenopause.  It happens sometimes to all of us, especially when stressed.  It might be worth taking a test to see!  Good luck.

[Moonflower09]

Thanks everyone for listening to me vent. I really appreciate it.

I have a question too. Maybe someone can help me figure out what's going on.

I was due for af yesterday. Nothing. This morning thought af was here cause I had a small amount of brown spotting. Put in a tampon. Changed it later, nothing. No flow, no spotting. Nothing at all on the tp - it was pure white. I'm one day late today. What does this mean? Once that starts, flow comes right on along right?  Are my cycles whacking out? Is this premenapsuse? I'm so confused.

[Ecologic]

I understand your frustration: it took me 4 years to conceive my son, born when I was 41.5.

If I have one recommendation: try to relax as much as possible. I know it's hard, but it's needed. I got pregnant several times (3 miscarriages) and I know that for me being relax really helped me getting pregnant whereas being stress did not help at all.

I got pregnant with my son on a short vacation to Yellowstone - still trying to conceive every month but not focusing on it as mentally I had given up on motherhood. But I was very relax on this trip, about to start a new job and... it happens: I got pregnant!

Good luck, it will happen!

[adgal]

Oh honey, I am so sorry.  I know, trust me I understand all too well how you feel.  I was involved for a long time with a jerk as well and wasn't lucky enough to meet my husband until mid 30's.  We also had such a hard time, and reading your posts the emotion comes back...it's an awful thing to go through no matter how hard you try to stay positive.

This is what I always told myself, and it helped just a bit.  We are so lucky to live in a day and age when there is help available.  It may not always be exactly what we want, but there is help if you get to the point you need it.  So many options that were not available to our mothers or grandmothers.  Knowing that helped a little, knowing that there was somewhere to turn if it got to that point.  I don't know, maybe hearing that doesn't help you, I just hope it doesn't make things worse.  In the meantime, for what it's worth, know you are not alone.  I cannot tell you how much the support I got here got me through the tough times.  Scream, yell, vent, do whatever you need to do and know this is a safe place to do it.  In the meantime I am sending you a huge cyber hug and keeping you in my thoughts.

[Moonflower09]

And what's really frustrating is how cruel my body tricks me. I really thought I was pregnant last cycle - 3 days late and only lasting less than 2 days, then this cycle, late again but starting to spot today and my boobs have been so sore, have really gotten bigger, and I was feeling quesy all last week. It's just pure torture. If I'm NOT going to be pregnant, why can't my body just act right. Now I'm concerned that these changes are pointing to premenapause. Great. More depression.

[Moonflower09]

It just stinks really and so freaking unfair. I was married before to a narcissitic jerk that treated me like crap. I had known my ex for 13 years when we got married and never knew how horriable he was until AFTER we got married. He made tons of money and had a great job but never wanted kids. Also something he never told me till after we got married when before he said we did. He even said to me a few years ago that if I did get pregnant I HAD to have an abortion. I divorced him. I couldn't live with someone like that and he was so abusive.

Then I meet my husband. We got married after we had known each other for only 3 months. Crazy I know and I had said I'd NEVER marry again. But he is the best husband and my best friend ever. He is a really awesome husband and has a real heart of gold. My true solemate no doubt. Now I have the best husband who WANTS a baby and I can't make it happen. It's like life is playing this cruel joke on me. I made great grades in school, went to college, have a degree in architecture, ... But I've never wanted anything more than a wonderful husband and a house full of kids. I could care less about my career, degree,... But the ONE thing I want the most, I can't have.

I am thankful for my husband. At least I got half of what I wanted. I am very blessed there. But boy we want a baby so much.

[Moonflower09]

I am really having a hard time with this. I've started today. I just want to cry, scream, throw things..... I'm so heartbroken. I want a baby with my husband so badly. I've tried to be positive for so long but it's really wearing on me and doesn't help having folks in my family pregnant - due in October, and another that had a baby on August. It's just pure torture. I'm trying so hard not to be depressed. Yesterday I got my results for my first architectural registration exam - I passed! There are 7 and super hard. I was so happy about it yesterday, and trying to focus on that but deep down, it doesn't help. Today I just want to crawl in a hole and cry.

[trying43]

i am sorry you are going through this.  I understand, we tried for a little over a year before it happened this time.  I had surgery, tons of bloodwork, meds, before it worked.  I do agree about the vitamins.  I took a cocktail of things I read that were helpful and I fully believe they helped in the process.  Good luck to you.

[Courtcoop]

First, sorry you are down but it WILL HAPPEN.

Second, I agree with Risa about the power of positivity. It worked for me!!!  My bf said I was already pregnant 10 minutes after we tried..and he was right!

[adgal]

I too understand your feelings.  Ttc can be so emotionally draining, and I too got very depressed for awhile.  I agree, it's ok to let it out..we understand, believe me we do.  All I can tell you is that even if the journey is difficult, the end result makes it worth it!  Hang in there!!

[steph518shawn]

i think i'm going to take your advice. since it's helped one girl. and it's helping you. maybe it'll help me as well!!

[Risa615]

I know to well how you feel! Hang in there!!! I have been trying for a few years and in Feb. I stopped fertility drugs and I am now taking lots of vitamins.  I found a great fertility recipe on the web that I posted in my journal around August 9, check it out.  It has given me hope since I am getting good results with good size follies and lining last two cycles. I started acupuncture 6 weeks ago.  It is okay to cry, it will actually make you feel better to let the stress out.  Then, when you are feeling better, make a new plan.  One girl on here took my advice and tried something new and it worked for her!  Also, my acupuncturist says we all need to stay positive and tell ourselves,  "I am healthy and fertile and I will get pregnant"
Take care,
Risa