Aa
Baby dad' s mom dilemma
Ok so my baby dad already has a son and I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant. His mom is constantly buying stuff for his son but has not bought one item for my child. She supposedly is supposed to get him a bassinet but that has not happened her response is always " well dang is the baby here yet" so me being me I take offense to that and my mindset is you don't have to get anything for my child "KEEP YA MONEY". So I went online just now and purchased my baby a bassinet, now my baby daddy is pissed at me because his MaMa said she was gone get the bassinet but the vibe I get is that's bs because she wouldve made a move by now. I don't feel any good vibes coming from her when it comes to purchasing stuff for our child. And when she buys stuff for his other son I feel like she tries to kinda rub it in my face. What do you ladies think about that?
COMMUNITY LEADER
So, I just want to add that my opinion is based on experience. I am not a person that gets wrapped up in this which is what I would consider petty. A grandma who takes a child to build a bear and not coming home with a bear for your unborn baby is kind of petty to me. That's why I asked. You are expecting things of her that are monetary or 'things' like presents and I don't get that.
Now, If you wrote that your feelings are hurt because you love your step son and you are so glad that your baby daddy's mom is being a good grandma and you worry she isn't happy about your baby because she has made comments that make you think she doesn't want you to have the baby, etc., then I'd get this more.
My mother in law had 18 grand kids before mine were born. I never resented her for being close to her grandkids. I just figured once mine was born, she'd love mine too. So, I guess I just don't get the competition that you are having with your son's other child.
I hope you get over it. For everyone's sake.
But either way, you are entitled to feel as you do and to do as you wish. I am just giving an opinion because you asked. Not to be difficult to you or anything like that. I respect whatever you want to do even if it isn't what I'd choose for myself. good luck
Now, If you wrote that your feelings are hurt because you love your step son and you are so glad that your baby daddy's mom is being a good grandma and you worry she isn't happy about your baby because she has made comments that make you think she doesn't want you to have the baby, etc., then I'd get this more.
My mother in law had 18 grand kids before mine were born. I never resented her for being close to her grandkids. I just figured once mine was born, she'd love mine too. So, I guess I just don't get the competition that you are having with your son's other child.
I hope you get over it. For everyone's sake.
But either way, you are entitled to feel as you do and to do as you wish. I am just giving an opinion because you asked. Not to be difficult to you or anything like that. I respect whatever you want to do even if it isn't what I'd choose for myself. good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh my. I've really run out of things to say. If you end up staying with this man, "his" son is your step son and I'd open your heart to him. How about YOU take him to build a bear??
Petty is her actions. She doesn't acknowledge my child. When I'm mad at my boyfriend she tells him that I'm going to take my child away from them. If a person comes to your residence and not once ask about their unborn grandchild then thats a problem. I have a problem with her not buying her granchild anything at all. She went to build a bear with my boyfriend's son she could have build her grandson his first beat....anything so far the first impressions of her actions towards my son is no bueno.....then sometimes she say things like she not going to watch my son. I keep my mouth shut and listen....
COMMUNITY LEADER
By the way, what is your definition of petty?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, sounds like you aren't really looking for advice but just are venting. I can't change your mind. It will never be equal. It's not completely equal between both of my own kids in our own household. You do what each kid needs. Not keeping some kind of tab about he got this so you get that. My older son gets all new clothes every school year. My younger son gets all his hand me downs. Life stinks, right? Maybe he'll grow up and need therapy because it was 'so' unfair growing up in our house. :>) But life is never completely fair and if you are keeping a tally, you'll always be disappointed.
by the way, how long was he broken up with his ex before he met you? How long did you date before you got pregnant?
She shares love with this first grandchild with her son. They have that in common. And if you love this man, you might consider that his son from a previous relationship should be important to you too. Don't compete. It's not going to work out well. good luck
by the way, how long was he broken up with his ex before he met you? How long did you date before you got pregnant?
She shares love with this first grandchild with her son. They have that in common. And if you love this man, you might consider that his son from a previous relationship should be important to you too. Don't compete. It's not going to work out well. good luck
When my car wasn't working back in August she told me she would give me 100 towards fixing it....ask me if I ever received that money.....rather her grandchild is here or not I expect both to be treated equally. She gets my boyfriend's son everyweekend and he comes back with clothes etc.....you would've thought she would've bought my baby a shirt, toy or something....then see sits there and be like come show your daddy what nanna bought you and just act extra saying you nanna baby this my baby right her....little petty stuff like that.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think the question of whether you should buy it or not is fine--- you did the right thing. I'm just talking about being eternally angry about it. That is just not worth it. Tell her you went ahead and got it because you were worried and wanted to be ready for the baby with a smile on your face and leave it at that. good luck
I think I made the right decision especially when my baby daddy asked her in my face and her response was well dang is he here yet....I was supposed to have my baby shower back in October which I cancelled she was going to come with some gifts since I cancelled the baby shower I guess she decided not to purchase the gifts....meaning the story keeps changing at one point I said I was getting the bassinet, my mom was getting the car seat or stroller and she was getting the crib then all of a sudden she decided she was going to get all three (car seat, bassinet and crib) because I haven't recieved not one item. I got my baby his bassinet, my mom will be getting the carseat next week. Her word is not bond in my eyes, because if it was the stuff that she supposedly would've purchased for my baby shower would be sitting in my house right now. I don't have time to waste.
I have a girlfriend who is 40 weeks. The mother of her boyfriend waited until they were at the register to western union money to purchase the crib. If that was me I would've purchased the crib and acted like she never offered. Take people for how they act, accept it, and move on. Most people are not true to their word and just want to seem better than what they are. Good luck.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I had one last comment too . . . I also realize that there is a good chance the poster is just venting. She's probably much softer inside than that and doesn't mean she'll not let her mother in law babysit or things like that. I get it. We do need a place to vent and when frustrated, we go a bit overboard. I just encourage it to be venting and not things we act on. :>)
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think being mad about it is not worth it. And I do hear a ring of jealousy in the way she writes about all the his mother does for his other child. I only have what she writes to go on.
I just pick my battles. And look for ways to get along with important people in my partner's life. Because I can almost guarantee if this issue continues in this direction, they will have a lot of family issues.
You all don't have to believe me on this. But I have a history of not having drama in my life because drama s ucks the ,life out of everything. And so often we blame the other one for it when we often are a main contributor. It's just not worth it.
So, it's just really important for me to at least 'try' to help people move on from things that in the big picture are not that important. I agree she should buy her bassinet if she feels she needs it. I didn't suggest her baby sleep on the floor. She can then just say to her mother in law "hey, I just wanted you to know since the baby is going to be here in a couple of weeks, that I went ahead and got a bassinet because I was nervous that I needed to have somewhere ready to go for the baby to sleep. No big deal. I just took care of it.' That's like a grown up conversation between two women and worth handling things that way rather than being huffy about it in my opinion. good luck
I just pick my battles. And look for ways to get along with important people in my partner's life. Because I can almost guarantee if this issue continues in this direction, they will have a lot of family issues.
You all don't have to believe me on this. But I have a history of not having drama in my life because drama s ucks the ,life out of everything. And so often we blame the other one for it when we often are a main contributor. It's just not worth it.
So, it's just really important for me to at least 'try' to help people move on from things that in the big picture are not that important. I agree she should buy her bassinet if she feels she needs it. I didn't suggest her baby sleep on the floor. She can then just say to her mother in law "hey, I just wanted you to know since the baby is going to be here in a couple of weeks, that I went ahead and got a bassinet because I was nervous that I needed to have somewhere ready to go for the baby to sleep. No big deal. I just took care of it.' That's like a grown up conversation between two women and worth handling things that way rather than being huffy about it in my opinion. good luck
Here's the deal. Some family members are toxic, and dangerous, and you shouldn't be around them because they will harm you or your child.
Some family members are just a little prickery and you should work your best to smooth things over. There are a lot of pregnant moms in this thread who think you should treat your boyfriend's family exactly the way they treat you - each member, if they're super sweet you treat them sweetly if they're a little more edgy you treat them back that way and even more. And don't let them around your baby. And complain all the time about them.
Do you see how this isn't working out? Do you see that life would be much easier if you just made a small effort to get along?
How about upcoming Christmas and Thanksgiving, baby's birthdays, etc. - wouldn't it be nice to look forward to those events and not dread them because you will be thinking of ways to get revenge on people you don't care for as much as your boyfriend does?
That's one of the secrets of a happy life, I promise you.
Some family members are just a little prickery and you should work your best to smooth things over. There are a lot of pregnant moms in this thread who think you should treat your boyfriend's family exactly the way they treat you - each member, if they're super sweet you treat them sweetly if they're a little more edgy you treat them back that way and even more. And don't let them around your baby. And complain all the time about them.
Do you see how this isn't working out? Do you see that life would be much easier if you just made a small effort to get along?
How about upcoming Christmas and Thanksgiving, baby's birthdays, etc. - wouldn't it be nice to look forward to those events and not dread them because you will be thinking of ways to get revenge on people you don't care for as much as your boyfriend does?
That's one of the secrets of a happy life, I promise you.
I wouldn't have waited either good luck tho
At specialmom i understand what you're saying but she isn't jealous she is upset because she been saying she going to get this baby bed and hasn't yet, im pretty sure she doesn't want her baby sleeping on the floor or in the bed with them! And when you in a relationship everything is equal you all treat each other with respect so she shouldn't have to bust her *** to get someone to like her because right now its about this baby witch can be here at anytime now!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, and yes, I think you get what your baby needs yourself if you don't have it by a certain date. That's what I did as well after my first baby shower. Then I used the things I got for baby after that. You honestly do not need that much stuff even though it is all so cute and fun to have. good luck
I would of done the same thing. My fiances mother said she was going to buy things for my daughter an now she moved an hour away an still hasn't got anything. I waited till after my baby shower seen what everyone got me an then got the rest of the things my daughter needed.
I would have done the same thing...your 37 weeks and u have a right to want things prepared and ready for your baby
COMMUNITY LEADER
Posting at the same time as rockrose. I think she has a good idea about the quilt or something like that.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Gosh ladies, the point is to decrease bad feelings in our life. This adversarial relationship developing is unnecessary. Much better to diffuse the situation than to help it fester. As I look back, the times I gave into that were some of my darkest moments. We want their relationship to grow closer and for the family to ALL get along. Seeing it as less of a competition and less about things someone buys for another child being some kind of sign that she loves that child more. Well, at this point, she probably does but that isn't anything against a baby not yet born. She'll love that baby too as she gets to know him or her. Give the poor woman a chance!!
I'm all about healing relationships rather than making rifts bigger.
I know the poster is having what are normal emotions when caught up in the moment. It's important to see the bigger picture and think long term. This is not worth causing the relationship to have serious issues over. I wish the poster the very best of luck. If she spoils a grandchild, take that as encouraging that she may some day spoil yours. Encourage a good relationship rather than just being mad because she hasn't bought you things at this point. good luck
I'm all about healing relationships rather than making rifts bigger.
I know the poster is having what are normal emotions when caught up in the moment. It's important to see the bigger picture and think long term. This is not worth causing the relationship to have serious issues over. I wish the poster the very best of luck. If she spoils a grandchild, take that as encouraging that she may some day spoil yours. Encourage a good relationship rather than just being mad because she hasn't bought you things at this point. good luck
I agree with SM. Life is SO MUCH easier if you just put a little bit of effort into getting along with people who will be in your life forever. It's just not that hard, and the rewards are huge. Your boyfriend would be very happy if you tried to get along with her. Your child would benefit from having a grandma (who is kind of scatterbrained). You would get that angry pit out of your stomach and feel better if you aren't locking horns with her.
You got the bassinette yourself, and can't blame you for that - you're 37 weeks and it's time to put the nursery together. But I think you should ask her to buy you something that it won't matter at all if she does it - but make it sound like you care.
Maybe a special quilt for floor playtime? Just say you really want a special quilt/blanket from her that he will know came from grandma, and can use for years. Say something about how she seems to have an eye for that kind of thing and you'd appreciate her help.
And you know what? That won't cost you a dime to act like that and you'll feel better giving up this spiteful relationship you have with her.
And it won't matter one whit if she actually does it or not. You'll have lots of blankets you can use for that so if she does it great if not it's no loss.
Drama is overrated, although it's an addictive habit. Life is richer without it.
You got the bassinette yourself, and can't blame you for that - you're 37 weeks and it's time to put the nursery together. But I think you should ask her to buy you something that it won't matter at all if she does it - but make it sound like you care.
Maybe a special quilt for floor playtime? Just say you really want a special quilt/blanket from her that he will know came from grandma, and can use for years. Say something about how she seems to have an eye for that kind of thing and you'd appreciate her help.
And you know what? That won't cost you a dime to act like that and you'll feel better giving up this spiteful relationship you have with her.
And it won't matter one whit if she actually does it or not. You'll have lots of blankets you can use for that so if she does it great if not it's no loss.
Drama is overrated, although it's an addictive habit. Life is richer without it.
Show Her That You Don't Have To Depend On Her For Anything It's Your Baby You Do What You Have To Do....Let It Burn Her.....Rub It IN If You Have To.
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COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, just going to be honest. Kind of an issue that you take offense to this. Your boyfriends child is here and has an established relationship with his grandma and it is wonderful she does things for him. THAT child is not competition for yours and if you continue to look at it that way, you'll ruin things with your boyfriend's mom as well as your boyfriend. When we get together with someone and they already have a kid, this is a common thing that happens. Women get territorial and a bit jealous. TRY to fight that as it benefits no one.
I'm sure she'll bond with your baby too. Give the poor woman a chance. All she is doing is getting stuff for a kid she already knows and loves. If you look at things like tic for tat and how much money someone spends on your kid, wowie, that is just going to cause issues.
Asking her not to babysit for your child only hurts YOU and the CHILD. We have to rise above knee jerk emotions. heck, I'd LOVE a grandma to babysit for my kids and you think because she isn't buying gifts and baby items for your child yet she won't be a good grandma? Yikes. A lifetime of drama if this is the situation you're starting now.
I'm being blunt to help spur a different way of thinking before you yourself create a bad relationship that never heals. good luck
I'm sure she'll bond with your baby too. Give the poor woman a chance. All she is doing is getting stuff for a kid she already knows and loves. If you look at things like tic for tat and how much money someone spends on your kid, wowie, that is just going to cause issues.
Asking her not to babysit for your child only hurts YOU and the CHILD. We have to rise above knee jerk emotions. heck, I'd LOVE a grandma to babysit for my kids and you think because she isn't buying gifts and baby items for your child yet she won't be a good grandma? Yikes. A lifetime of drama if this is the situation you're starting now.
I'm being blunt to help spur a different way of thinking before you yourself create a bad relationship that never heals. good luck
If she can't acknowledge the baby now I wouldn't trust her to watch him.
Thanks for your advice ladies....some people of justso petty....hhonestly how I'm feeling I don't even think I want her babysitting him. :/
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