Husband and porn

[adri1413]

Ok, so here's my situation. My husband has looked at porn before in the past and I don't agree with it. I feel like him looking at porn is in a way saying that I'm not good enough for him or satisfying him in that way. Like my body is not attractive to him so he has to look elsewhere. Anyway so I've explained to him how I feel about it and he apologized and said he understood. Today I found porn on his phone AGAIN. He said it's from the last time but that's a lie cuz the last time I deleted it in front of him. He is acting like he doesn't care and oh well. And the said thing is I just told him this morning how I feel distant from him and I didn't like how we weren't having sex and he said sorry and nothing's going on and he will make a
a better effort. But ugh it makes me so mad and I more upset he's lieing about it and shows no remorse for me. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. already gained about 8 lbs, have stretch marks galore showing from previous pregnancies, exhausted all day, working full time and taking care of kids now this is just icing on the cake. I feel like crying. Sorry so long, needed to vent. Thanks ladies!

[Genevieve_84]

Many men watch porn and still have a wonderful and healthy marriage. I know my husband watches it and it doesn't bother me at all. I watch it from time to time but we still have a great sex life. Men are highly visual beings and like to watch people having sex. Being pregnant causes us this be much more sensitive to everything especially our changing bodies, but if your man looks at porn he probably did it before you were pregnant, will continue to while you are pregnant, and after the baby gets here...I mean no sex for 6 weeks minimum after baby comes will be hard for any man. I personally rather him look at porn then press it and make him feel guilty about it or try to hide it and lie, I think this is where real issues can arise such as infidelity. I'm not saying you have to be okay with him watching porn but realistically any man you are with will or has looked at it. It is just so accessible nowadays. Your husband loves you and your baby, we as woman need to be more self confident and less critical of ourselves,  then maybe we wouldn't be so insecure about our men watching porn. If you think about it more women have issues with their men watching it then vice versa.  

[organicmama]

I think its only fair to expect him not to masturbate if you both very clearly promised not to do so before you got married and were both on board with that understanding. For most people, masturbation is a normal part of life sometimes a daily part, and to suddenly tell someone they aren't allowed to touch themselves outside of your presence is pretty controlling and unfair. Men are visual and rely on graphics to get off more easily. Women don't need those prompts as much, and typically don't masturbate as much anyway. Understand that masturbation has nothing to do with emotion or relationships, its just a physical release, for most people. Its not the same as sex. There are extremes and there are porn addictions and if people masturbate too frequently it can cause some desensitation to actual sex but just reducing frequency of masturbating so often will restore sensitivity. No different than getting desensitized due to vibrators... Just lay off of using the vibrator as often to appreciate sex more. Only you know if the porn is really an addiction or not. More than likely it isn't. Is he going off multiple times a day and neglecting responsibilities? Is he spending a lot of money on it? Does he want you to do things you find degrading? Is he impotent?  (Could be a cause of looking at porn or a result. Some guys get so scared of not being able to perform that they back off from sexual relationships and just jerk off because its safer and they won't feel embarrassed at failing.) I'd say have some more talks and then come to some understanding or agreements that aren't so harsh as simply "you are not allowed to do this at all." Ask him why he is watching... Has hr just always done it? Does he want variety? Is he nervous about the pregnancy? How often does he do it? Is it a problem or a casual release? Does he feel like its out of control? If its fair to expect him to just stop? What are his feelings are about it all. And what are his needs? Try to be a little more open and less personally offended.

[mw89]

@adri I really think this depends on the relationship of the couple. It has to do with how much you trust that person.  Everyone is different and I would never tell anyone how to run their relationship.  If its a big issue to you maybe you should suggest counseling with him. That would get to the root of why it upsets you and why he thinks he needs to do it. I think since you already expressed to him you didnt want him to do it and he lied. You are going to have trust issues with him. So just breath while this is obviously something big to you worse things could happen. But remember marriage takes work! This is one of those times too.
Good luck

[jaloveslorelei]

I really think a lot of woman are acting in a bullying manner. You act as though porn isn't a religious issue or a moral issue, or as thought the women opposed are prudes. Its perfectly acceptable and honerable to vow to not watch porn or for a woman to have that expectation of thier loved one. Like many social issues I think watching porn is a slippery slope. Its human nature to push for more, so if porn, getting off to other girls, watching other woman touch themselves, whatever it may be, is acceptable to you, then where do you draw the line and how clear is that line. You can say it's tv but what is the difference between being a peeping tom and watching other couples **** or a girl masterbate.. is it the permission to watch that makes it ok and if so then what if it's permissable, is the only difference the screen. Your ok with it then fine, good for you, good for you that it works out for your rekaruonship and that your confortable, but don't lecture other woman because they are not.

[1NAMILLION]

EVERYTHING is completely wrong with a MARRIED man checking out porn and by no means should anyone be so laxed about it transpiring.  I PERSONALLY feel like some women tell themselves that all men watch porn because they already know that whomever they are with will not stop it, so, it just makes them feel better about having to accept it.  That's just as bad as saying that all men cheat, deal with it....NO..NO & NO...that's not true, men have the ability to make sound decisions as well and sometimes don't because women pick and choose what "male expected behavior" they decide to give a pass on.  As a legal union, if you two have prediscussed expectations about morally or religiously avoiding scenarios like this, then hubby has severely violated the trust and security you had within him which will take time to repair and that's only if he's remorseful and never does it again which can be shown via action over time. Pornography is a gateway invitation into a world of temptation and lust that can lead to divorce, so, do not allow hubby to brush this under the rug...he has some serious repairs and heartfelt apologies/actions to make and don't let him think that he doesn't.  Unfortunately,  passiveness has a tendency to make men feel validated in their actions or decisions when they don't experience societal consequences. ..hold his "donkey" accountable because once the trust is gone and you continue to feel devalued or replaced by his unhealthy porn watching...the relationship is doomed. Needless to say, put your foot down and demand that he makes changes effective immediately and that he understands the severity of his actions and let.him know that his behavior does entail consequences.  Always remember,  men only do what they either think that they can get away with or what they know they can get away with...stop him in his tracks before it is too late...he needs to know that as a MARRIED man, his behavior will not be tolerated at all.

Congrats on baby and best wishes..I hope that everything works out!!!

[BonitaMichelle]

I think you should be more open to him watching it. Watch it with him. As his wife you should want to satisfy him sexually.