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Dad wants abortion, Mom tricked Pregnancy, What's a dad to do?
Hi,
I wanted to ask people who have been down a similar road for advice.
TLDR: My old girlfriend is pregnant and says if I don't marry her, she will "have her baby and ruin the rest of my life" (her words not mine). I am fine with paying child support, but won't this hurt her more than it will hurt me? How can I help her not throw away everything (college, future husband) in her desire for revenge?
My girlfriend and I were dating for about 7 months now. However, things kind of petered off for me. I know I'm not the perfect person either, but I knew she wasn't right for me and that it was time to move on. I decided I want to talk to her about it face to face and did. I told her honestly that we weren't compatible and how I felt, and what I wanted to do about it. She was hurt, and I didn't feel good breaking up, but better then being in a bad relationship and breaking up years down the road.
I thought that was the end of it, but then she gave me a call to watch a movie. I thought okay hopefully she's fine with being friends again. We watched the movie and she convinced me she was a sane person, and I did feel more attracted to her than I did before. I guess I regret it now, but I was willing to believe she saw I wasn't going to put up with some of her bad things and was trying to change.
We decided to try to make it work again, and we had sex. The relationship was pretty pleasant now. Then about a month later, she takes a plane back home to China. She calls me and says guess what, you're ******. I've been dumping the semen from the condom into me after we've been having sex, and I am 1 month pregnant.
She is now in Shanghai (she's Chinese), and she says either marry her (she wants US citizenship) or she'll have the baby. I'm kind of taken aback by this and surprised someone would do this, but sure enough, here I am.
I talked with her, but she is an emotional trainwreck. There was nothing I could logically say to get through to her. What's worse is when I talked to her mother, her mom is encouraging her to carry out this plan of "marriage or baby". Her other option she gave me was paying $30,000 to abort the baby.
I have no idea how to handle this. I tried reminding her she's a beautiful, charming girl who once caught my eye and is better off terminating the baby and looking for mutual love and a husband to share children with. I have talked with her closest friends in China over the phone, and they don't know how to help her. They also want her to terminate the baby and forget about me.
I offered to pay the child support and do what I'm legally obligated to do, but I just don't like the idea of her hurting herself and the baby to get back at me. I also offered to pay 50% to 100% of the hospital fees and whatnot for the abortion. I told her 50% isn't fair because I'm the guy and don't have a baby in my stomach. Even though it takes two to tango, I will pay for all of it.
What do you guys think she should do? Am I wrong in thinking that an abortion is the best move here? I've been called nothing but an *******, tool, douchbag, and the like from her and her mother. I have never said anything hurtful back to them. I know it's horrible to kill an innocent baby, but it's even worse for her to go through with it. A baby is truly a wonderful thing, but at this time, it will really reduce what she can do with her life.
On another note, does anyone know of an emotional clip about life with a loving husband and children I can send her? She needs something to bring her back to reality. I want her to see what she is throwing away. She really needs some support, and I don't know how to give that to her. I've toyed with the idea of pretending I want to marry her on condition she aborts the child (still 1 month at the moment), but that just feels wrong.
I wanted to ask people who have been down a similar road for advice.
TLDR: My old girlfriend is pregnant and says if I don't marry her, she will "have her baby and ruin the rest of my life" (her words not mine). I am fine with paying child support, but won't this hurt her more than it will hurt me? How can I help her not throw away everything (college, future husband) in her desire for revenge?
My girlfriend and I were dating for about 7 months now. However, things kind of petered off for me. I know I'm not the perfect person either, but I knew she wasn't right for me and that it was time to move on. I decided I want to talk to her about it face to face and did. I told her honestly that we weren't compatible and how I felt, and what I wanted to do about it. She was hurt, and I didn't feel good breaking up, but better then being in a bad relationship and breaking up years down the road.
I thought that was the end of it, but then she gave me a call to watch a movie. I thought okay hopefully she's fine with being friends again. We watched the movie and she convinced me she was a sane person, and I did feel more attracted to her than I did before. I guess I regret it now, but I was willing to believe she saw I wasn't going to put up with some of her bad things and was trying to change.
We decided to try to make it work again, and we had sex. The relationship was pretty pleasant now. Then about a month later, she takes a plane back home to China. She calls me and says guess what, you're ******. I've been dumping the semen from the condom into me after we've been having sex, and I am 1 month pregnant.
She is now in Shanghai (she's Chinese), and she says either marry her (she wants US citizenship) or she'll have the baby. I'm kind of taken aback by this and surprised someone would do this, but sure enough, here I am.
I talked with her, but she is an emotional trainwreck. There was nothing I could logically say to get through to her. What's worse is when I talked to her mother, her mom is encouraging her to carry out this plan of "marriage or baby". Her other option she gave me was paying $30,000 to abort the baby.
I have no idea how to handle this. I tried reminding her she's a beautiful, charming girl who once caught my eye and is better off terminating the baby and looking for mutual love and a husband to share children with. I have talked with her closest friends in China over the phone, and they don't know how to help her. They also want her to terminate the baby and forget about me.
I offered to pay the child support and do what I'm legally obligated to do, but I just don't like the idea of her hurting herself and the baby to get back at me. I also offered to pay 50% to 100% of the hospital fees and whatnot for the abortion. I told her 50% isn't fair because I'm the guy and don't have a baby in my stomach. Even though it takes two to tango, I will pay for all of it.
What do you guys think she should do? Am I wrong in thinking that an abortion is the best move here? I've been called nothing but an *******, tool, douchbag, and the like from her and her mother. I have never said anything hurtful back to them. I know it's horrible to kill an innocent baby, but it's even worse for her to go through with it. A baby is truly a wonderful thing, but at this time, it will really reduce what she can do with her life.
On another note, does anyone know of an emotional clip about life with a loving husband and children I can send her? She needs something to bring her back to reality. I want her to see what she is throwing away. She really needs some support, and I don't know how to give that to her. I've toyed with the idea of pretending I want to marry her on condition she aborts the child (still 1 month at the moment), but that just feels wrong.
Whoa what a crazy *****!!! Dont marry!!! I honestly dont think shes pregnant and if she does end up being pregnant it probably wont even be urs is she allowed bk into the country since shes not a citizen? I would just cut off all ties with the crazy ***** theres really not much she can do from china save the proof where shes telling u to marry her for her citizenship for the future. I would in no shape or form do what she wants I would take the baby if it is urs and still not marry her im really interesting to see how this turns out keep us posted!
I would say order paternity test when the baby is here and just deal with the ways of the court system. I wouldnt give her the control or throw your lofe away because she went bat **** crazy.
Oh and if you want to be involved in this babies life then I would save all the messages from her because she will try to take you to court one day. So just be prepared if the baby is yours always save messages.
I thought most condoms had a spermacide in them to kill off the sperm as well as catch the seman so it was near impossible for a femalr to dump a loaded condom into herself to get preg, but then again im no exper. In all honesty how do you know this bat sh!t crazy woman is even preg? She just sounds desperate for citizenship, but all in all you cant make her terminate the kid if it is real demand a DNA test then if its not your not the father yay if you are pay child support, even go for custody because she is bat sh!t crazy just keep all proof that she is a wacko.
If she is pg though, abortion isn't the only answer. I personally don't believe in it. The thought makes me want to cry but she can put it up for adoption and give it to a loving home that can support your child.
BAM spermicide will kill off a majority of the sperm but not all of it and she had to be injecting it into herself because the cervix is very hostile to sperm when not during ovulation. The likelihood of "dumping sperm" in her vagina making her preggo is slim to none but hey, I've seen crazier **** happen.
I say let her have the baby... If she really is pregnant then you get a bundle of Joy out of it and you wont have to be with someone you dont wanna be with. She can't make you marry her(which is crazy) and you cant make her have an abortion so the next option is her having the baby. Make sure you do a DNA test and if its yours then just be proud and pay the child support. Good luck
No. Nope. Not even... my God man. What will marriage do? She'll be keeping the baby regardless (that's what I'm getting from this). There is absolutely no logic behind this. You marry her, she's still having the baby. You don't marry her, she still has the baby? The only person she's hurting is her baby by doing all of this.
The best thing I can tell you is that if you seriously don't see a future with this woman then just save the vile messages she sends you, and if she takes you to court, show the judge and say you have offered (many times) to pay child support.
In my opinion she's crossed the line by threatening you with this child. She could even be lying about the baby being yours. Jesus, its like an episode of Maury :/ I'm sorry you have to deal with this man
The best thing I can tell you is that if you seriously don't see a future with this woman then just save the vile messages she sends you, and if she takes you to court, show the judge and say you have offered (many times) to pay child support.
In my opinion she's crossed the line by threatening you with this child. She could even be lying about the baby being yours. Jesus, its like an episode of Maury :/ I'm sorry you have to deal with this man
Isn't there sperimcides in condoms? Not 100% sure but can sperm live after being exposed to air? Which would happen after taking it off. I'd look into it more. And definately get a drs note stating that its positive if it is and when her due date is. Never know if she could be doing this to more than 1 person cause she sounds like a crazy person. Not judging but I know some crazy girls who would do something like this. Best of luck to you!
No I read that part. But that's no reason to try and make someone get an abortion. If you don't want the baby sign your right over like I said
Whoa........wtf that's some fuked up sh*t. Umm...well for starters you can't make someone abort a baby obviously its in her belly and you can't do it behind her back. It sounds to me like she is way too immature for a baby in the first place since she is tricking you into things and playing these games with you and her mother is no better. I would NOT marry this girl BC she's freaking crazy. Either way whether you marry her or not you are stuck with a child. So I guess its time to mam up and get ready Buddy. I would explain to her that you will not marry her but you will support your child and YOU make all attempts at child support and what not because then you have some control. Also do not sign the birth certificate and pay for a DNA test. She knows that baby is hers you don't know its yours and I've seen some pretty crazy women in my life do some pretty crazy things. If you pay for a DNA test and the baby isn't yours then you are oFF the hook anyways. If baby is yours then you have made all necessary steps needed and will be able to really work something out legally with a court system. Good luck bro.
First off, how have you confirmed the pregnancy? I haven't looked at your profile but I'm assuming you don't live in the same country by the way you worded the question. Pictures of positive pregnancy tests cannot be believed, because its so easy to just google 'positive pregnancy test' and use that picture. It sounds like she's trying to scam you.
I agree with Ashdub for the most part, but I'm thinking that maybe you missed the part where she "dumped the sperm from the condoms into her vagina". To me that sounds nuts.. Let her do as she wishes. If she wants child support,do it. Don't want to be involved, sign over the baby to her. She wants to "throw away her future" (which isn't the case when you have a child) let her. Do what's best for both of you.
You can't make her and shame for pushing her to do it. You can't control her and I get that she's flipped her wig. But if she has the baby man up and send her money for support. If you don't want the baby in your life you can sign rights off and not be legally responsible for it anymore. But don't ever tell a woman what to do with her body/ her baby. She might end up being a badass mom. But hell no don't marry her either
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