Wow.......I am so glad that she has you. I do hope she knows how lucky she truly is, having you, and it sounds like she is starting to realize that.
That is wonderful of you and you just keep doing what you are doing. You are a wonderful friend and person!!!
May want to look out for any signs of PPD too. I get that after every baby and I know not everyone gets it but you never know.
Take care and keep us posted. Boy, sure is nice to have you back!!!
They got here last night...and she was in alot of pain from the c-section and her breast are pretty engorged I thought I was going to have to take her back to the hosptial, but I had her pump, put her in the shower gave her 2 percocet and sat by her bedside until she dropped off to sleep. She asked me to take the baby in with me so she could just rest w/o having to move.
This morning she came in and broke down into tears and said she didnt know what shes thinking even considering going to anyone elses house b/c she knows that no one wouldve stood in the shower with her and held her up and sat by her bedside but someone who truly loved her and her baby.
I think she understands that someone had to put their foot down and say something to them about their lifestyle, in a way I'm just sorry that someone had to be me. I just dont want her side of the family, nor our side of the family dogging them out b/c they really are good kids, they've just never had to have priorities to stick to.
She said "Amy I knew that you weren't fussing you're just truthful, that's why when all was said and done I decided to come here. Thats my little brother and she's my SIL; as much as I may not agree with their approach at the end of the day they know that baby is who I'm looking out for (them as well).
I just have to realize the same God that's taking care of him at my house is the same God that's going to take care of him no matter where they go.
With that being said they want to stay until they close on their house and get all the repairs done, and I dont mind at all! Thanks Ladies!
I agree there's a huge difference between dirty and tidy. I'm not a neat freak but I do a good cleaning on the weekends. Make sure everything is vacummed, dusted, clean spotless kitchen and bathrooms and pick up the **** that my husband lays all over the place. I think that baby's stuff needs to be CLEAN most of all, I don't care about brands or if it has been used or ow expensive it is, I care that its CLEAN.
They both need to go over there and clean. I also don't think that they should be liign in your house and messing it up for too long.
Ummmm..What is this thread about again? I was reading until I got to the prepared dinner, and it sounded so good I lost my train of though!! =D And I am not even pregnant anymore and that food sounded so tasty my mouth is watering! Literally!! =)
Seriously though, I think you had a right to say something and I am glad they came to stay with you.. The turning up the nose at Walmart and Target stuff will pass.. It will have to.. Plus, I have some expensive clothes I bought for Jaxson and were gifts (just a couple of things I HAD TO have) and I use them, but his cute outfits from Target, Kmart, & Walmart get worn just as often.. He is 4 weeks today and has already outgrown some of his clothing! She will learn...
You did/are doing the right thing!! Keep us posted! And you make me laugh too! I am not on here very much anymore, but I always have enjoyed your posts!
I am writing to you from the South part of the earth...LOL All the way from South Africa and I must say the mentality of some of the younger women here in SA is much the same like your SIL. Gosh the name brands thing just erks me..... My younger sister of, only difference is my sister doesn't shrug off cheap brands, she welcomes them both. She shops at our cheap stores as well as the expensive ones. We buy from PEPs and Ackermans and my sister is always grateful. However my sister is just one of the sensible young moms.
Now we have those that are just like your SIL.
They live in shabby homes but wear the best clothes and drive the nicest cars and ooh I must add have the best cellphones (yeah here in SA - cellphones are a must have accessory or else you are LOSER)... I don't live to far from a ghetto sort of area and I always fail to understand how these moms can multiply their broods but yet stay in disgustingly filthy one bedroom flats.
You are the perfect SIL, wish I can fly you over to my place in September when my baby comes. I can definitely do with the chicken, rice, green beans and Sweet Tea.
The majority of my gifts for my shower were from walmart and I LOVED it. lol, It didn't mean gifts to me but friends. I looked at the shower as the opportunity to see my friends I hadn't seen in a while.
I doubt it's age but more immaturity. You've read my story I'm sure.. Do I sound too young to deal with a sick baby?
lol. I'm not taking offense or trying to get rude in any way. But I totally agree with you. She needs to get her C R A P together, at least make sure her place is cleaned up some and her baby room is ready. I may not have had TJ's nursery ready when he came home but I had the essentials. he slept in a bassinet when he was home (moving to a crib this time)
Give her a tip from me: before baby comes home her or your bro need to set up a "baby drawer or cabinet"
So a cabinet exclusively dedicated for bottles and nipples, bottle cleaner, and some xtra diapers and wipes in case. That's what I did for TJ and now everyone in my home knows what I mean when I say "go to TJ's drawer and get me a bottle and a nipple plz". lol
1st off I miss ya! hehe... I agree with you. My husband and I rent our home but that is by choice ( we want to be a a good position to buy a house without the worry of forclosure) but Almost everything that I got for teh baby was from Kohls, walmart, carters etc... I also got a lot of handme downs. I bought the crib, changing table and dresser with cupons and at times like income tax and stimilus because of income problems but I was just happt to get things for my son which was one less thing I had to buy... I have a friend just like your SIL shes the one who said she loved my sons play gym and when she asked where I got it and I said Garage sale she said OH I like mine better because mine was new and I know where it came from... B****! Her house was gross when she brought her son home and he came home from a NICU (not because he was a preemie but because he had phnomonia) She was home a week w/o him and didnt even pick up. I know when I was going to get induced and cleaned the crud out of my house... Needless to say it is harder now but it still is decent....
I dont think you are overreacting but unfourtionally they will havr to earn on their own adn that baby is going to have to help them figure it out! God Bless girl and I am with you on the fuming part hehe
No....that wouldnt put a dent in it. The carpet is disgusting...I dont know what it is w/ me and carpet but if your floors are nasty I'm not taking off my shoes. Dishes piled in the sink kitchen floor not swept, there's carpet in her bathroom so it has that mildew smell. Make up in the sink hair supplies everywhere clothes piled up in a corner, the stove looks like it hasnt been scrubbed in years, every piece of glass needs a bottle of windex poured on it. Nothing has been dusted the tub needs to soak in pine sol and so does the toilet. The fridge needs to let go of the left-overs.
People have different levels of clean...she straightens up, she doesnt clean up. Cleaning up requires you to put your hair up your gloves on get some chemicals put on some music turn your mattresses over get everything from under your bed wipe your base-boards down take all the trash out; no stone left unturned. People love when I come over to help, sh*t girl I think I have OCD. Thats how we do it where I'm from!!!! :)~
You have the best intentions really but here's one of my favorite quotes:
"Human beings hardly ever learn from the experience of others. They learn; when they do, which isn't often, on their own, the hard way."
Anyway, how bad was her house? Just a change in sheets, vacuming and dusting and cleaning the kithcen will do. Or is it worse?
Yeah...hopefully the thrill of a new home will encourage her...no both of them... to keep everything clean and tiddy for the baby. I love being there to help, not just them but anybody. I guess b/c its my brother I want him, his woman, and his child to keep progressing and not have that label put on them that they're naive and are going to fall on hard times by both sides of the family. B/c everybody will smile with them, then dog them out as soon as they're not in ear shot. I told them what everyone else wanted to say but didnt have the heart...hopefully SOME of it sinks in. To be 26 & 23, and closing on their 1st home is an amazing accomplishment and I dont want them to loose site of that b/c they're still focused on the lifestyle they had before Royal (thats the baby's name) came along. You ladies understand what I'm trying to do!
Mmmmm!!!! I want baked chicken and rice and green beans and SWEET TEA! I might have to go to Bojangles and buy some sweet tea when I get out of work...soooo good!
Anyway you are doing a great thing for them but you know that once they are ready to go back home, they will go back to their old habits and the excuse will be "I just don't have time to clean because the baby takes up too much time". I have family members like that and it infuriates me. You try your best, if they still don't change, well at least you tried.
I agree with Michele! I cant beleive she would be that way, when everyone went out of there way to go up to the hospital to see her! Anyways. My sister just had her baby on Sat. at 34weeks and also his heart rate was going low and they had to do an emergency c-section! He was 5lbs 9oz......I hope you are doing well! Post some new pic! dieing to see the little man!
Oh man....You want to be my SIL??? Please????? Getting on a plane right now and on my way over for dinner. LOL!!
I say LOL, but I would love to have someone like yourself around to help me out. She is very lucky and it sounds like you have everything covered! Hopefully she will see just how lucky she is!
I am glad she is going to your house. She will be happier and you will have piece of mind for your nephew as well.
Please, please keep us update on how her stay goes, etc.
We really do miss ya, so I really do hope that you will get on here more. Your sense of humor is great and you're right....Us pregnant folks need it!!!!
Michele....I miss ya'll too! I promise I'm going to start logging on more. I'm going to pick at least one hour out of the day to check on everyone, ask questions, and answer some too! Plus I have to make you ladies laugh, pregnancy is stressful enough, laughter has to play its part!
They just called and said the pediatrician wants them to go to a home where no one smokes or theres no pets only for a little while until the baby gains more weight.
I promised them I wasnt going to boss them around, but hell they know how I do. I changed the sheets in the spare room put the bassinet up and got everything together anyway b/c I knew they were coming; I guess they just had to take my advice to heart and think about what I said.
I clown all day long and love to be silly, but when it comes to my babies and my nieces and nephews I dont play. I already baked some chicken, rice, green beans, rolls and made a pitcher of sweet tea...so dinner will be fixed! When she gets here, she can take a shower get in the bed take some pain meds and rest undisturbed....Now thats how a new mom should come home in a clean atmosphere with dinner ready and a helping hand!
She sticks her nose up at Target and Walmart???? Target is like my favorite store!!!!! And I see no point in getting these big name brand things for babies anyway (even if I had all this money). I mean how long do they wear the stuff?? All of 5 minutes maybe???
I understand your concern. It sounds like you are voicing your concerns in a very positive and nonintrusive manner. I think that's the key. That is the only hope of having them listen to you anyway. I normally don't get into other people's business, but when it involves the well being of a child, it sometimes can't be helped. Especially if it is an innocent baby, and family at that.
So, I think you have done the right thing.
ur concern is right. But some people can't understand it and ur sister- in law looks like that. but it's their life and their baby so unfortunatly someone can't do anything for them untill they understand their own responsibilities towards baby..God bless all..
I haven't finished reading this. I got about half way and wanted to tell you that you just HAVE to get on here more. I know you are busy but WE MISS YOU!!! You have me laughing almost everytime you post something!!!!
Okay, now I will finish reading and comment on your post :)
Well geez! I live in a nice house, I have everything that we need and we are getting mostly everything from second hand because people that I know have no use for all of the baby stuff so they are giving it to me for free. The items are slightly used but with a good cleaning, they are just as good as new.
Even being able to afford all that ****, I don't care for it, all I care is that my baby is healthy and that he/she will have a clean and healthy house to grow up in.
I totally agree with you, unfortunately people dont' ever listen to good advice they do whatever they want to do because of ego.
He's 26, she's 23. I honestly dont understand why they're together. Dont get me wrong I like her as a person but I dont see why they stay together as a couple. He cheats on her all the time, and I tell her I love my brother, he'll always be my brother, but if you continue to let him do these things to you dont tell me about it. They both have good jobs he works for the CDC and she's a supervisor at the post office. They make handsome salaries, but when the lease was up on his apartment instead of renewing his nice place in a good school district with security, he moved in with her (to the hood) while theyre waiting to close on the house (thank God its NOT in the hood).
I'm just confused b/c we didnt grow up like that so what attracts him to these "chicken-rats" (thats a chicken-head & hood-rat mixed together) is beyond me.
I know it's not how you live on the outside, but how you live on the inside that makes a home; but she's NASTY. If he like it I love it, but I just want better for the BOTH of them whether they stay together or not!!!
BTW- how old is your bro and his wife?
I understand your concerns and your vent, trust me! I don't live in the projects but I do live in an urban area near them. I don't get how people wear name-brand stuff and have really, really nice cars but live on welfare and in public housing.
But in the end your brother and his girlfriend/wife/baby mama will have to learn things the hard way. If they welcome your advice and information, more power to you! But in the end it is their baby and their life. Which is quite unfortunate and I hope they can humble themselves to actually hear what you're telling them!
I'm sorry, I can't imagine how frustrated you are and you have the right to be. You want your nephew to have a clean and safe place to come home to and her bringing the baby into a dirty home in the ghetto doesn't sound like the best option. It makes me so mad when women want all the expensive name brand stuff for their babies when they aren't concerned with the actual important stuff in the baby's life.
I don't know what to tell you but I wanted to let you know that you aren't wrong for being upset, I would be too.