Update on things so far, Do you agree that it's a good choice? I need Answers/opinions plz!

[martikadragoon]

Hi!, Well just the other day my mom and I were talking. my step dad died 3 months ago and she is struggling to pay rent on the 3bedroom place she has now, not only that but it doesn't allow pets and shes got 2 dogs and 2 cats, so if she doesn't move she'll be evicted due to breaking her rental agreement about no pets. I think it's $1300 or so. She's got my two youngest brothers and step sister at home with her.
My husband and I have been worried about how we'll care for TJ after he's here, moneywise, we pay about $780 for a 1 bedroom apartment.. About 2 years ago we lived with my mom, but paid $600 for my old bedroom at her old house. it was complete h*ll simply because my mom would pull power trips with "this is my house and my rules and I don't care if you pay me rent... etc. etc. etc."

Yesterday we were talking and decided that we'd look around for a 5 bedroom house in our area. We would draw up a WRITTEN agreement about what portion of bills we would pay, and would have our TV and computer in our room. That way with a 5 bedroom rent runs around $1700 here. We would get a bedroom to our selves and TJ would get the smallest room in the house as a nursery.

We would agree in the contract that we'd be paying approx what we pay now for bills in our 1 bedroom apartment. So 1/2 rent and around $100-150 for Air Conditioning, $50 for Trash and Sewage, $100-125 for cable/internet/phone, and $100 mo. or so for food.  We'll have to finalize everything when push comes to shove...

Also, we would be on the lease as CO renters, so no more "it's my house my rules" etc. etc. My husband is a bit worried that we'll have a bunch of conflicts like before, but at that time there were 7ppl in a 3bedroom house.. it was cramped and she didn't make things better at that time. But now she's seen we can obviously live on our own and provide for ourselves, so all we ask from her is respect that we're adults, and we'll give her respect as Mom/mothernlaw.

Do you all think this is a good idea?

And if so or if not, any suggestions on how I could make this the best situation possible?

The way I look at it is if I have trouble going back to work (as TJ is gonna be physically handicapped/possibly mentally too) then I can afford to stay home and care for him that way, and just draw SSI. Turns out my SSI wouldn't affect my mom's and vice versa.  Also, she'd be there along with my siblings to help care for Tyler that first couple weeks especially as I recover from my Csection. So it seems that the benefits outweigh the possible risks. (plus... my hubby would have my brothers to hang out with on a daily basis, they get along GREAT) not only that but my hubby wouldn't have the burden of having to try and provide EVERYTHING for me and Tyler on his one Salary. It was SO hard when I lost my job and we fought constantly about bills.

Thanks!,
Cindie

[martikadragoon]

Sweetangel~ It would be awesome if I could stay at home. at least for a year, you know
?

Oh and I had my first "preggo in public" experience today. DH and I went to the movies to see Wanted.. Great movie BTW. but after I went to the bathroom and there was a big line, I didn't know if they were waiting or not so I asked "is this the line?" they said yea, then said "go ahead!"... I tried to protest and told them I could wait, but then the handicapped stall came available and one woman said "oh look, it's the big one, perfect for you!" I was slightly annoyed by that comment, but said "are you sure?" and they were like yea! I remember how it is!....

none of them could believe I've only got just under 10weeks left. and One lady actually told me I look AWESOME for being that far along... it did life my spirits a little. lol

[sweetangel7]

Good luck!  And if all else fails, you can be Joy's neighbor =) lol...IF I didn't love New England so much and was more of a free spirit I'd go live near Joy..personally I LOVE older homes-they have so much character and charm!  Anyways, hopefully with a larger home it will all work out and if not, it was worth the chance that it would work...I guess you never know until you try AND wouldn't it just be awesome if it did work and you were able to financially stay home and care for TJ more so than if you did have to work!

[martikadragoon]

Grandmatobe~~ Wow! I can believe it. hemet happens to be one of the small towns (not so small anymore) that are still within a reasonable price.

Thanks for the good wishes! What I'm hoping to find is a 2floor house with a bedroom and bathroom on the first floor. And the rest on the other floor because mom has a bad back and can't climb stairs when her back flairs.

[Grandmatobe]

As a fellow Californian, I can attest to the ridiculous prices of homes.  How about this for a shocking rent, $2450 for a 3 bd, 2 ba home in a suburban area of L.A?  The rents are coming down a little bit, but not much.  A small 1400 sq ft home can easily run almost $600,000.  Unbelievable, huh?

I wish you the best of luck in your arrangement.  If you can find a house that has a "split floorplan", there is usually one bedroom and bath on one side of the house, and the other bedrooms on the other side.   This is helpful when you have extended family living together.

[martikadragoon]

KJbutcher~ Basically this is going to be a fairly long term agreement. About 5yrs, so basically there will be no moving out without plenty of prior warning. Both my mom and My hubby and I are long term renters. We're not the type to move around to different places every year or two. She's not the type to just screw me, and I'm not the type to do that to her. We'd have an clause in our written agreement that there would be at LEAST 30 days written notice, and up to 90days written notice if possible.

Thanks for the opinions ladies! I really appreciate it. My best friend lives in Ar. and her dad got a house built from the ground up. 4bed 2 bath, with an office, for $202,000! If DH and I could afford a mortgage now we would! Our goal is a house of our own by the time we're 30. (used to be 25 but that was before Credit cards and tj!)

I definitely dont plan on living with my mom for the rest of my life, but I have known some couples who've done it because it's easier when it's a bigger house. There's more room and it's mutually benifitial. Plus... if the situation turns out good, and we decide we enjoy the arrangements, then it would be possible for us to go for our second child in 2 years. but we'd have to be completely happy with no issues. It used to be alot nicer before my stepdad and step bro. When I was a teen and mom was raising us, we all got along quite well as there was no bad family situation.... maybe now it'll be similar again, except that dh and I are adults.

[pinkbelle]

We just bought our house in FEb. and our mortage is $382 a month and thats it!!! This house is a small 2 bedroom but it is cheaper for us to be in the house then the one bedroom we were living in.. Me and my boyfriend are only 23 and 22 and we didnt have hardly any credit ... so my advice is you never know til you try.. :o) the worst the real estate agent can say is you dont qualify..  Of course I live in PA so things are def. cheaper here than in Cali...

[JoyRenee]

Yeah, Cali is definitely more expensive! I should've just looked at your profile (duh)! Hey, so long as you guys can live with peace I don't see how it would be a prob. It'd kind of be like living in a duplex without walls. And nothing is ever permanent. I say go for it. If it doesn't work you guys will find a way out of it.

sweetangel, our house was a foreclosure and that's the only way we were able to get the house and at that mortgage. I live in a historical neighborhood and all of these old houses are going CHEAP because of the economy. So... everybody move to my neighborhood! LOL!

[durhamjk1]

It is weird the different areas and the cost of living.  DH and I just bought a 3 bedroom  3 bath house w/full finished basement, 2 car attached garage and 1 car detached garage on 1 acre of land and our payment with taxes and insurance is $885 a month.  I too can't imagine paying that much for rent.  We rented prior to buying a house and our rent was only $200 a month for a 1 bedroom house.  However, that is not a typical price for our area - We rented off of an elderly (mid 80's) couple that never increased rental payments .
However, I am a teacher and if I lived in an area that has an increased cost of living my salary would be much higher than it is now.  So I guess it all balances out in the end.  

[sweetangel7]

I don't know...I guess as long as everything is cleared up before hand and there are no surprises involved and you aren't concerned about your privacy and your ability to have quality time with your husband then I guess I'd say go for it...It is such a shame that the cost of living is so high...I almost died when I saw Joy's mortgage...mine is $1,800/mo and I don't live in a house 3x the size of Joy's lol!  And I know Cali is WAY more expensive than MA...Good luck!

[kjbutcher]

What will happen if one of the parties needs/wants to move out?  Can the other one pay the bills on their own?  Will they have to continue to pay their share of the bills until the end of the lease?  I dont think that is something that a landlord will handle or except that one person moves out...the one still living there will most likely be responsible and it will be their responsibility to collect the money from the one who moved out.  Just because you can pay your share but the rest doesnt get paid doesnt mean you wont get evicted.  Make sure something is in the contract about that.

[martikadragoon]

Losingmymindin GA~ Yes, it's already been made clear that it's mutually benifitial. And She does get food stamps for my brothers and stepsis.. we'd probably contribute $150-200 mo. for food too. and I'll help cook.

Of course it'd be up to DH and I to clean ours and TJ's rooms. But chores would be split equally between everyone.

Durhamjk~ DH has already voiced his only issue: that my mom not pull power trip and also pull her own weight financially and not leave it to us or "forget" to tell us she's not paying a bill.
And your right, they do still see us as KIDS. lol, but I think it'll be a bit different since we'll have a baby of our own.

evthing4reason~ when privacy is concerned, if we can find a house with 2 bedrooms w/bathrooms attached we'll get it. And we're gonna have locks on our bedroom door (last thing I need is having my brothers coming in to find our "private" married adult stuff. kwim?)

JoyRenee~ I live in Hemet California. Cost of living is HUGE. her 3 bed house is like $1300 my 1 bed apartment is $780!

neither of us have good enough credit to buy a house. we may be able to find a "rent to own" if we get lucky but that'd be our only option.
And I think the problems before were A) there were TONS of family problems with my stepdad.. etc., and B) it was a small house, which made me feel suffocated sometimes and definitely didn't help with the arguing.

I'm sure she'll pull "I am your mom" but as long as she's not trying to tell me when to be in the house... etc. then I'm fine. AND she has a rule about NO alcahol in the house.. I agree, but may get a small fridge for my room for wine coolers that DH drinks every so often.. like 2 a week. lol . (our room would again be LOCKED) and we wouldn't be "advertising" that to my brothers and sis.

and YES, she'll be keeping her pets, I'm keeping my puppy and small cat too. since it'll be a big enough house there shouldn't be any issues. And no one in my family, or DH's or my mom's side has had pet allergies, and it doesn't irritate our skin as long as we keep things vaccumed and everything. So I think things would be ok on that front and if needed when the time comes we would face it then.

[JoyRenee]

Oh... is she going to keep her pets? I only ask because with TJ's medical conditions you don't know if he'll be allergic or become allergic.

[JoyRenee]

I don't know where you live or what the cost of living is but I just cannot imagine paying that much in rent. Our mortgage is $646 for a 6 bedroom house. Is there any way you guys would be able to find a house, maybe a foreclosure (like ours), and own the place instead of renting?

Not everyone can own a home and it's really scary to go through the process, but wanted to see how you felt about that.

Other than that, because you've lived with her before and it didn't work out, I feel like you'll just be reliving what you did before, just in a bigger space. She may play that, "I am your mother" card instead of "this is my house" card. But if it's a short-term solution that will keep all of you guys from living in your car or a dump, then you have to do what you have to do!!!

[evthing4reason]

As long as you sit down a few more times and make sure everyone is totally clear on everything from money issues to cleaning issues to privacy issues. Also it might be good to look for a house that has like a living room and a den (or dining room that can be converted), as you know babies have a lot of stuff that comes with them and it would be good to have kinda a seperate living space for you guys, you won't want to be coped up in your room.
I do think that it would be a good idea, especially with the extra stress you will have to deal with Tyler's challanges, you are gonna need lots of support.

[durhamjk1]

I think it is a good idea.  Just make sure that your dh has no reservations.  I know sometimes spouses are afraid to voice their concerns about in-laws, b/c they don't want to uspet you.  It seems to me that you and your dh have a pretty good relationship, thought so that is probably not the situation in your case.  I think it works out best for everyone involved - Definitely get a rental agreement drawn up though, b/c I know how my mom is - and no matter how old you are, they still see as you a kid.  Good luck!  

[Kelly87]

I think its a good idea. You would also have your siblings nad your mom helping you out with TJ because it will probably get overwhelming for you a few times and need help. Also it sounds like financially it would be better. Just make sure that you get EVERYTHING in writing. I wath these court shows all the time and you cant trust anyone... especially family.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I think if it's something that all the parties involved feel they can handle and agree in, then go for it.  Just make sure that all bases are covered...not just bills and who gets what room...but who does what cleaning, yard work, how you will handle getting groceries, meals, etc.  Make sure you talk to you mom AHEAD of time and that she understands that this is being done to help ALL of you financially....that you and your husband are adults, same as she, that there will be no telling anyone what to do etc.  That this will be EVERYONES house...no more so one than the other, but equal.