dealing with resentment

[wolfire7]

Im 18 weeks with my second child. I have 2to sister in laws one has been told by a doctor she can never have kids became she has fat cells on her ovaries, so she has had time to come to terms with this. My other sister in law has been trying for 5yrs and the harsh reality if the same issue is setting in. She is extremely jealous of me because I can have kids. I tried explaining that before my first I lost 2 and that this one took 2years of trying. But that didn't help. I understand her resentment and I am not mad or upset by it. It took her till my first was 2 before she had anything to do with her. Now that we are expecting again. Tension is starting. Sometimes she doesn't talk to me and I try to give her space. I try really hard to avoid all talk of me being pregnant whenever she is around. I was just looking for advice on how to make this more comfortable for her. Please help.

[wolfire7]

Thank you everyone.

[trying43]

Don't let their jealousy steal your joy.  Celebrate your baby and don't worry about them.  You have tried your best with them.  Some people will try to kick you down no matter what.  Its them that are being unfair and cruel to you.  You have nothing to be ashamed about.  They sound like people who are unhappy no matter what.  I have several family members like this.  Instead of letting their negativity weigh me down I distanced myself from them.  Some of them got a clue some didn't but either way I was better off.  You may want to do the same.  Good luck to u.

[wolfire7]

Sorry if I leave anything out this whole situation upsets me greatly. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with it on my end. After trying for 2yrs I think this should be one of the happiest moments in my life. Instead I feel like everyone is treating me like it is the most shameful.

[wolfire7]

Yes they are both morbidly obese. And one has been told if she lost just some of the weight she would get pregnant and it doesn't help im really small. But they resent me because im small and can have kids. The fact that I work out daily and had to have help from a doctor to get pregnant doesn't matter. In their minds this just happened to me and it wont happen to them. Im starting to accept that its not going to change I just figured maybe there was something/anything I could do.

[Corinne87]

I'm so sorry, I feel so badly for both you and your sister-in-law.  This should be a joyous time for you and all she can think about is herself, and I'm sorry for that.  I think you should just give her some space and she'll come back around when she is ready.  It sounds like you are a very understanding and sweet sister-in-law to have and as hard as this may be for you giving her space is the only thing you can do, and she'll realize how lucky she is to have a relative who cares about her feelings, and one day she'll come back, but for right now it sounds like she just wants to think of herself and there's not a whole lot you can do to change that.  

[mbote]

sorry to hear my sisters husbands sister in law is the same way.. my sister has 5 kids and while the sister in law has tried to get pregnant she hasnt been successful... on the other hand when someone is trying to get pregnant n it fails to do so it hurts its not that they mean to resent you on it but it hurts when they try and nothing yet... me on the other hand iv been trying for the past 3 years nothing yet the dr says im fine so idk where the issue is but i try not to let it get to me so every time someone mentions to me that its time to have a baby instead of telling them weve tried i just tell them its not time yet maybe in the future but not right now i just dnt like getting my hopes up... there is times i do wish i got pregnant but afortunally its not the time for me so when its time il get pregnant =)

[trying43]

If i read your post right basically they have a weight problem that is leading to their infertility?  So if they would work hard and lose weight thete is a chance it may help them get pregnant right? If they arent doing that then why are they being resentful to you? There is nothing you can do to change it unfortunately.  All you can do is let them be.  Sorry you are dealing with this.

[wolfire7]

Its not that I avoid talking about it all together I just avoid being the one to bring it up. I just don't want to be in her face about it. If she wants to talk to me about it I will. While I understand why. I just can't deal with this deep hatred my husbands sisters have for me all because we have kids. Its the being called a horrible mother and told I don't deserve kids that I can't handle. When they couldn't possibly know cause they wont even look my direction. And im being shunned because of all this by his other family members and It wasn't like getting pregnant was an easy task for me either. But to them it was. My husbands mother doesn't look my direction or talk to me unless his sisters are not around. I was just looking for advice because I so desperately want to change this.

[Blazesmommy2012]

As much as I hate to say it but it will never be a great feeling for them. My husband and I did fertility treatment for 4 years and never got pregnant. My sister got pregnant right away and all of my friends too. I had 2 IUIs done and nothing worked. I was devastated and it hurt to see everyone else being able to have kids when I was having so much trouble. I was angry and upset and never wanted to be around them but eventually I figured out that I couldn't avoid ever pregnant woman out there. My best friend got pregnant when the condom broke and my sister in law got pregnant a few weeks later. Little did I know that 7 months after my last IUI, I would be expecting. I don't have any resentment for them but it was hard to deal with. If your sister in laws want to be a part of the babies life, they will be. You shouldn't feel bad about discussing their niece or nephew. I know it will be hard but just letting them know that you are there for them will help and even offer to let them be around as little or as much as possible. It is definitely something that will take time.