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200198 tn?1259887597

is this abnormal?

I have four kids...My first two are 3yrs and 5yrs and they are from a previous relationship of 6 years.. I now am engadged to the love of my life.. and I gave birth to twin daughters almost 6 months ago.. I Love all my kids.. I Love the twins more and more everyday...but I feel like I Love my first two kids more then the twins... Not that I dont love the twins I do so so so much... but I always feel guilty and said that I feel like I love the older kids more. Why is this? is it not normal? Is it because I have had more time with my older kids.. to know them and love them? Or do I have post partum? The twins are very colicky and alot harder then my older kids ever were... maybe this is why? I am not sure..... can anyone help me figure this out so I dont feel so bad/sad?
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134578 tn?1614729226
It could be post-partum depression, and it could be the fact that you have known your other kids that much longer and they are also by now able to communicate and each their own little personality, when babies are less able to communicate.  It certainly could be the colic.  Each child is a little different package, and some kids and some parents do just click a little more than others, also.  It is even possible that by child number 3 and 4, every little thing about them is not as fascinating as it was with the first baby (remember all the jokes about the difference in the baby book of child #1 and child #5 in a big family.  Child #1 -- obsessive notes and descriptions and photos and locks of hair.  Child #5 -- "Ginny was born and is now in the second grade.")  

I think you sound maybe overwrought and certainly tired, maybe it's PPD but maybe it's just generally being exhausted, which anyone would be who was taking care of four kids ages 5 and under.  Can you get a break?  Can you get some friend over for a few hours so you can sleep?  Can you get some help?  My life certainly took a turn for the better when I finally developed a way to have my son watched for just three afternoons a week, only 3 hours each time.  That isn't much, but it was enough to let me get some of my own identity back, get a haircut, see the dentist, catch up on the bills, and stuff like that, which cheered me up a lot.
Helpful - 0
1472528 tn?1288865071
twins are a lot of work just give yourself some time to get used to nurturing them, No mother loves their kids unequally for some time it will change and you will feel like you like the twins more than the older ones, just hang in there twins come with great responsibility and now you think its hard making it harder for you to really bond with them
Helpful - 0
1287128 tn?1331134538
I know what your going thru. I dont think its abnormal its just your two older kids are well older lol youve gotten to know there personalities and they are a lot less work i am sure. Your twins are i can only imagine but probably a giant handful. So at times its like they are a chore plus they are still so young so you love and adore them bc they are yours and they are cute and all but when your kids get older you have a million more reasons to love them. I dont think you love one kid more than the other i think you just feel closer to your older ones. My kids are fifteen months apart and my youngest was colicky and from3 months on would not let me leave her side. My doctor even said that was the earliest she saw seperation anxiety in a child so needless to say at first it kinda felt like she was taking me away from my oldest and i alqays felt closer to her but now they are 2 & 3 yrs old and i love them both the same and for totally different reasons. Just hang in there give yourself a pat on the back your doing just fine!
Helpful - 0
951898 tn?1296134343
5n1
I think it is just a combination of everything...You had not only one baby, but two. So that in itself is a big change.. You probably feel some guilt that the twins require so much of your time, that you dont get much time to spend with the older two kiddos. So, in return you feel you love the other two more. Which we all know you are a great mommy and love all your babies. I think once the twins get a little older and are a little more self-sufficient, you will see a change in the way you feel. Just think you said they were colicky, and require so much more, I know moms who have a hard time with one, but hey you are doing it with two...That deserves a good mom award right there..I will be the first one to give you kudos...Good luck hun
Helpful - 0
200198 tn?1259887597
Thank you all so much for your advice.. i think it is just that I have had alot more bonding time with my older kids,,. I do love them all...even today they twins were being so cute I thought to myself ..wow these babies are so amazing I am so in love with them... I think I just feel closer to my older two because we have had so much time together, The twins are a handful and I think that bonding with them has been more difficult because it is so much work I dont get alot of snuggle time....I am just going to keep doing the best I can and be a good mommy to all of them... I dont think it is PPD because I am very happy but I am just very tired all the time,,, so thank you all for helping me figure out and sort out my feelings.
Helpful - 0
1330108 tn?1333677304
I bet it has to do with knowing your other two childrens personalities. With the twins you can't see much of their personality yet so they just make you sleep deprived and they are eating and pooping machines. I bet things will change as you get to know your twins more :)
Helpful - 0
1065342 tn?1317871606
Hi, I hope you are feeling better. I have 9 month old twins conceived through IVF. I too did not feel that amazing bond/love that I expected to after their birth. I kept on brushing it off thinking I was just "tired", "it will take time", etc..I finally spoke to my OBGYN and I was put on antidepresants because I had/have post-partum depression. Nothing to be ashamed of, I know feel so much better. Talk to your doctor, it's better to get treated ASAP!!!
Helpful - 0
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