Aa
Arguing
Hi...um...I just have a little question..if you and your fiancé fight constantly and you get upset b you feel like he's acting different towards you and want to spend time with him but it feels like he doesn't want to in the way he acts and he gets mad and says that you need help bc you get upset, and tells you he's sick of you and says you have thirty minutes to tell me if you want to leave or not and say if you do he will not be coming after you this time and stuff do you think they should be together? Ik that this thing is one huge sentence but I would just like to hear your thoughts..thank you.
Hope this is resolved.
Your last post....."Yeah okay some of y'all were kinda rude. But we've fixed it so don't worry about it." Well...dear, this is an OPEN forum and YOU posted here seeking opinions. I didn't see anyone being rude, but more to the point and honest.
We are older women and hate to see young women such as yourself fall into these unhealthy "pitfalls" of life, however, it is YOUR decision in the end.
All the best.
Your last post....."Yeah okay some of y'all were kinda rude. But we've fixed it so don't worry about it." Well...dear, this is an OPEN forum and YOU posted here seeking opinions. I didn't see anyone being rude, but more to the point and honest.
We are older women and hate to see young women such as yourself fall into these unhealthy "pitfalls" of life, however, it is YOUR decision in the end.
All the best.
Yeah okay some of y'all were kinda rude. But we've fixed it so don't worry about it
In reading my comments, I come across rather crass. So let me clarify my remarks. Yes, you sound young and insecure to me, life experiences tend to mature us and it sounds like you have not had too much life experience in this area.
Why would you want to marry someone who you fight with on a daily basis. Why would you want to sign up for that for a lifetime? Or are you looking at marriage as a lifetime decision even? I think people rush into marriage because they are in love with the idea of being in love. When reality sets in and they realize they rushed it for all the wrong reasons, they divorce which is very very expensive these days.
I know a person who has been married for five years. She and her husband are second timers because their first spouses both died. In the five years they have been married they have never had a fight with each other. How is this possible?
They are compatible with each other, they respect each other and they treat each other the way they want to be treated.
Marriage is a wonderful institution if you go into it with the right attitudes.
Marriage can be hell on earth if you go into it for the wrong reasons and with the wrong person.
Do not try to change this man. The red flags are up and flying, not only for you but for him as well.
Will you take note and act accordingly? That is your decision and you will reap what you sow either way.
The time to think is now.
I wish you much happiness in whatever your decision.
Why would you want to marry someone who you fight with on a daily basis. Why would you want to sign up for that for a lifetime? Or are you looking at marriage as a lifetime decision even? I think people rush into marriage because they are in love with the idea of being in love. When reality sets in and they realize they rushed it for all the wrong reasons, they divorce which is very very expensive these days.
I know a person who has been married for five years. She and her husband are second timers because their first spouses both died. In the five years they have been married they have never had a fight with each other. How is this possible?
They are compatible with each other, they respect each other and they treat each other the way they want to be treated.
Marriage is a wonderful institution if you go into it with the right attitudes.
Marriage can be hell on earth if you go into it for the wrong reasons and with the wrong person.
Do not try to change this man. The red flags are up and flying, not only for you but for him as well.
Will you take note and act accordingly? That is your decision and you will reap what you sow either way.
The time to think is now.
I wish you much happiness in whatever your decision.
I think you need to be secure, happy and confident with yourself. Need to content by yourself and with yourself and adding a partner is a bonus. Therapy sounds like a good idea to see what (if anything) you need to work on and then see if this is really what you want before marriage. Make it a strong relationship first. Goodluck!
You sound young to me. I did not view your profile but you just sound young, and not very mature and very very insecure and a tad bit controlling.And that dude your with aint no cupcake either. I say find a therapist, lose the boyfriend and concentrate on you for awhile.
Your statement....."and he gets mad and says that you need help bc you get upset, and tells you he's sick of you and says you have thirty minutes to tell me if you want to leave or not and say if you do he will not be coming after you this time and stuff...." Geez......how many times has this happened?
Sounds to me like something not meant to be; sounds too volatile and unhealthy.
Perhaps take a break from one another to figure out if you should stay together.
I think you all should separate for good and move on in my opinion.
Sounds to me like something not meant to be; sounds too volatile and unhealthy.
Perhaps take a break from one another to figure out if you should stay together.
I think you all should separate for good and move on in my opinion.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay. Well, that tells me more. I'll be honest, unless you learn how to control yourself and your emotions---------- you will consitently and constantly have volatile, short term (most likely as most don't like this kind of fighting in their life all the time and will walk away from it) relationships.
This is a big big problem.
First, you seem insecure. You are demanding that you be first and foremost on someone's mind and that they be pumped up about you at all moments or you are going to meltdown. Unrealistic. My husband is a busy man and sometimes I get the cold shoulder when he is engrossed in something. Big deal. I'm secure in our relationship and don't worry that he isn't "into" me at that moment. You seem to have such internal doubt and that usually is a pattern that you must actively try to change. You do that by developing a lot of good things in your life that are not centered on a man in your life. Good job, great hobbies, friends. So that you aren't devestated if your partner is having a blah day.
Second, well------- I think you should also expect someone to be less interested in you if you are having tantrums and the relationship on his side and your side is so dramatic. That gets OLD. I couldn't handle it and would move on and would suggest that anyone dealing with a relationship do that if there isn't a change made. It's unhealthy.
Third, you must seek a way to control yourself. Being angry all the time and easily is a habit that you must break. Have you ever looked into counseling or anger management training? Don't feel alone dear. Many adults seemed to missed the lesson of handling their emotions that they should have gotten as kids. Many people really have to work on it. Not letting lots of little things bother you. Seeing when you are getting angry and progressing from slightly agitated to mad where you might yell and be nasty------- and having things to do to stop that in its tracks so you don't go there are all essential.
Often times, what you describe too can be a sign of anxiety and depression. Could that be the case for you? For your partner?
I would suggest that you seek the help of a therapist to just explore these things as I think it would really help you. Peace and good luck
This is a big big problem.
First, you seem insecure. You are demanding that you be first and foremost on someone's mind and that they be pumped up about you at all moments or you are going to meltdown. Unrealistic. My husband is a busy man and sometimes I get the cold shoulder when he is engrossed in something. Big deal. I'm secure in our relationship and don't worry that he isn't "into" me at that moment. You seem to have such internal doubt and that usually is a pattern that you must actively try to change. You do that by developing a lot of good things in your life that are not centered on a man in your life. Good job, great hobbies, friends. So that you aren't devestated if your partner is having a blah day.
Second, well------- I think you should also expect someone to be less interested in you if you are having tantrums and the relationship on his side and your side is so dramatic. That gets OLD. I couldn't handle it and would move on and would suggest that anyone dealing with a relationship do that if there isn't a change made. It's unhealthy.
Third, you must seek a way to control yourself. Being angry all the time and easily is a habit that you must break. Have you ever looked into counseling or anger management training? Don't feel alone dear. Many adults seemed to missed the lesson of handling their emotions that they should have gotten as kids. Many people really have to work on it. Not letting lots of little things bother you. Seeing when you are getting angry and progressing from slightly agitated to mad where you might yell and be nasty------- and having things to do to stop that in its tracks so you don't go there are all essential.
Often times, what you describe too can be a sign of anxiety and depression. Could that be the case for you? For your partner?
I would suggest that you seek the help of a therapist to just explore these things as I think it would really help you. Peace and good luck
It happens a lot. And anything can trigger a fight...we both get mad easily and as for me I get upset easily...(ik ppl always say you shouldn't be like that or don't let things get to you) I've tried to control it multiple times but idk..it's just the way I am..if I feel like your acting different towards me or if I see you act like you don't really want to spend time with me when I just politely ask I'm gonna get upset...but this morning I got upset bc he was acting funny..yes he was tired but I didn't feel like that was the problem...I would talk to him ask him questions and it was like he just ignored anything I said so I got frustrated and then he came over and started hugging on me and stuff after I made a comment about it...so I said why now are you doing this and he got mad turned over and said you need to watch ur big mouth. So I came in the living room and told him he could sleep by himself and that's where it really started...sorry my comment is so long:(
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Sounds a little volatile. Does this happen frequently? In general, if it does, this is no 'little' problem. Managing our anger and temper is important for all to do. Finding ways to fight/argue/disagree respectfully and productively is really key in a relationship making it the long haul.
So is this just a one or two time thing or the pattern of your relationship? And what triggers the fight?
So is this just a one or two time thing or the pattern of your relationship? And what triggers the fight?
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