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I have been in a team lead position for 8 months now. I truly enjoy my job, and love my team. Over the last few months I feel like I am starting to develop relationships with some of the team, and felt like I was slowly slipping into my position.
Every time I feel this way though, my manager comes to me and burst my bubble. I know she means well, but I feel so discouraged after our talks at times (not all the time). This last time she questioned if I felt this role was right for me. She has done this twice to me. I have prayed over this and I know this is the right position for me. The concern I have is she knows I am new to a leadership role like this one. I have made her aware that I just need guidance. I have found that since that conversation I havent been able to stop thinking about it.
This is not because I think she is right. But because I want to do better at this position. To give a bit more background when I first started in this position I had trouble contacting to the team. They felt I was being insincere and not opening up enough. Since then I have made great strides to open up and give honest feedback, and be more supportive of them. We have started to have team building meetings which was something I requested. We also had a class on Disc to learn each other different styles and help the communication. Some of the relationships have improved others are still just not where my manager wants it to be, and she says that she is working with those team members as well as me.
Recently we had some temps come onboard. I clicked with them well, and well during their time here I wasnt discreet enough. I was not aware I wasn't being at the time, and really was just trying to support them and provide them feedback. This caused me to lose my managers trust. That was part of the what the last conversation was about. The other part was I need to continue to work to build a relationship with each of the team. I know it will take time to rebuild the trust that was lost with her. I know I made mistakes. However, I do wish she would have come to me when this first became a concern. Instead of a month later. I am the type that will correct the behavior right away, to ensure no further damage to the relationship is done.
Here is where I was hoping someone could give me some advice. First how do I let my manager know that I need her to provide that feedback at the time it happens rather then later?
Second, the team members I am struggling to gain a relationship with are those that like to be dominant, and are very quick pace. I am more of a team person, and want to ensure everything is done with care and with our members best interest at heart. How do I gain that connection with them?
Just to provide a bit more background I work for a health insurance company, and my team is the first contact for Case Management services. I love this job because I get to help so many people. I enjoy talking to the members and enjoy knowing I am making a difference. I took the team lead position because I wanted to help improve the department I work for, and our work process. My goal was to help ensure we were not missing opportunities to help our members that really had needs.
Every time I feel this way though, my manager comes to me and burst my bubble. I know she means well, but I feel so discouraged after our talks at times (not all the time). This last time she questioned if I felt this role was right for me. She has done this twice to me. I have prayed over this and I know this is the right position for me. The concern I have is she knows I am new to a leadership role like this one. I have made her aware that I just need guidance. I have found that since that conversation I havent been able to stop thinking about it.
This is not because I think she is right. But because I want to do better at this position. To give a bit more background when I first started in this position I had trouble contacting to the team. They felt I was being insincere and not opening up enough. Since then I have made great strides to open up and give honest feedback, and be more supportive of them. We have started to have team building meetings which was something I requested. We also had a class on Disc to learn each other different styles and help the communication. Some of the relationships have improved others are still just not where my manager wants it to be, and she says that she is working with those team members as well as me.
Recently we had some temps come onboard. I clicked with them well, and well during their time here I wasnt discreet enough. I was not aware I wasn't being at the time, and really was just trying to support them and provide them feedback. This caused me to lose my managers trust. That was part of the what the last conversation was about. The other part was I need to continue to work to build a relationship with each of the team. I know it will take time to rebuild the trust that was lost with her. I know I made mistakes. However, I do wish she would have come to me when this first became a concern. Instead of a month later. I am the type that will correct the behavior right away, to ensure no further damage to the relationship is done.
Here is where I was hoping someone could give me some advice. First how do I let my manager know that I need her to provide that feedback at the time it happens rather then later?
Second, the team members I am struggling to gain a relationship with are those that like to be dominant, and are very quick pace. I am more of a team person, and want to ensure everything is done with care and with our members best interest at heart. How do I gain that connection with them?
Just to provide a bit more background I work for a health insurance company, and my team is the first contact for Case Management services. I love this job because I get to help so many people. I enjoy talking to the members and enjoy knowing I am making a difference. I took the team lead position because I wanted to help improve the department I work for, and our work process. My goal was to help ensure we were not missing opportunities to help our members that really had needs.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hey, I'd hire you in a heartbeat. :>) You truly want to do well and so earnestly are trying! That's golden in the corporate world!!! Your boss is missing the boat with not commending you for this and helping you work through any challenges. Instead. she's (it's a she, right?) is making you second guess how she feels about you.
Why would a manger do this? Well, yes. Often their own insecurity can cause that. Keeping you in a box keeps you from ever being a career threat. This could be subconscious. Or, their own incompetence. Her unawareness of how she is setting a tone and wording things in such a way to cause your self doubt may not be her intention at all.
A good boss also gets feedback on themselves. "what do you need from me? what could I do better in your eyes?" and having the guts to ask that without being afraid of the answer. Because you could easily say as you have here that you want to improve upon things as anything can be even better . . . and your preference is to have direct feedback sooner. (think that is what you said). Can you open that dialogue with her? It helps to give a compliment first "I just want to say I really appreciate X . . . (name something she does as a manager. such as I really appreciate that you give me guidance and direction so that I can get better at doing my job, managing my people, managing the cases (whatever you want to say). One thing that would help me with my personal style and desire for personal development is to receive feedback sooner. I am more than happy to tweak things as soon as she's noticed something. Also state to her that you want to be on the same page. That people have different styles at times but they can still be on the same page accomplishing the same goal.
because that really is the case. People we work with are maybe not just like us. You will have your strengths and she will have hers and both will have things you are less fabulous at. And that's okay. The bottom line is effectiveness in the job. That's what you are there for. Learning how to bring the best of each of those you manage is your main task with them. Whether they like you or not, not so much. But rather, how will they best do their job for the company you all work for. See what I mean?
The coworker that is blunt and a little abrasive. She's direct and blunt which means you can be as well. She says you aren't on the same page with your boss, you can ask directly right back to her "how so? why do you say that?" And get specifics. Not to stress you out but rather to give you intel on where you can tweak things.
I would try not to take some things personally. No one is perfect. Everyone learns and everyone brings different things to the table. Having a wicked work ethic, desire to connect and learn so you can best get the job done? That is the road to success. Occasionally messing up and saying the wrong thing or making a mistake should not impact that. So, have confidence. And remember, your manger is an employee as well. How is SHE managing her people (you)? Is she making you feel motivated to do your job? Is she making you feel competent? Is she bringing out your best and making you feel like you want to give this company your all? Right? Not so much all the time. Some managers do want to get better (like you do) and would want some direction. Some don't and have ulterior motives. Not sure where this boss of yours is with that. Do you have any ideas about it?
Why would a manger do this? Well, yes. Often their own insecurity can cause that. Keeping you in a box keeps you from ever being a career threat. This could be subconscious. Or, their own incompetence. Her unawareness of how she is setting a tone and wording things in such a way to cause your self doubt may not be her intention at all.
A good boss also gets feedback on themselves. "what do you need from me? what could I do better in your eyes?" and having the guts to ask that without being afraid of the answer. Because you could easily say as you have here that you want to improve upon things as anything can be even better . . . and your preference is to have direct feedback sooner. (think that is what you said). Can you open that dialogue with her? It helps to give a compliment first "I just want to say I really appreciate X . . . (name something she does as a manager. such as I really appreciate that you give me guidance and direction so that I can get better at doing my job, managing my people, managing the cases (whatever you want to say). One thing that would help me with my personal style and desire for personal development is to receive feedback sooner. I am more than happy to tweak things as soon as she's noticed something. Also state to her that you want to be on the same page. That people have different styles at times but they can still be on the same page accomplishing the same goal.
because that really is the case. People we work with are maybe not just like us. You will have your strengths and she will have hers and both will have things you are less fabulous at. And that's okay. The bottom line is effectiveness in the job. That's what you are there for. Learning how to bring the best of each of those you manage is your main task with them. Whether they like you or not, not so much. But rather, how will they best do their job for the company you all work for. See what I mean?
The coworker that is blunt and a little abrasive. She's direct and blunt which means you can be as well. She says you aren't on the same page with your boss, you can ask directly right back to her "how so? why do you say that?" And get specifics. Not to stress you out but rather to give you intel on where you can tweak things.
I would try not to take some things personally. No one is perfect. Everyone learns and everyone brings different things to the table. Having a wicked work ethic, desire to connect and learn so you can best get the job done? That is the road to success. Occasionally messing up and saying the wrong thing or making a mistake should not impact that. So, have confidence. And remember, your manger is an employee as well. How is SHE managing her people (you)? Is she making you feel motivated to do your job? Is she making you feel competent? Is she bringing out your best and making you feel like you want to give this company your all? Right? Not so much all the time. Some managers do want to get better (like you do) and would want some direction. Some don't and have ulterior motives. Not sure where this boss of yours is with that. Do you have any ideas about it?
1 Comments
My boss is very hard to read. She was hired from outside the company right before I got my team lead position. In fact her first task was to team up with the other managers on hand to choose the two new team leads for our department. I remember she said she choose me because of how knowledgeable I was with the process. She does ask what do you need from me, but it always when things seem to be alright. This last conversation she skipped that question. The conversation took place on a Friday though, I dwelled on it all weekend and then realized why it bugged me so much. I loved her honest feedback, but I didnt understand why she would wait a whole month before telling me I was damaging our relationship and her trust in me.
This led to me emailing her on Tuesday after I sorted out my thoughts. I thanked her for bringing everything to my attention. I stated that I knew I had somethings to work on and that it was going to take time to gain her trust back. Then I stated, that what I would like from her to help with this is quick and direct guidance/correction, even if it had to be done by email. That what I would give in return is making the change quickly and being more aware of the situations, and that I hoped the end result would be that I wouldnt have time to damage the trust and our relationship further. I have not gotten a response back to this, but I am hoping she understands my point of view.
Truly I think she wants the best for me, but doesnt get me. After our Disc meeting she stated that she kind of got why I asked so many questions and needed so much direction now. However, I think she is still working on how to manage my style. I was not the only one that came out with the style I am on our team and the others that did she was struggling with as well.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I guess it will just take time, and really learning to communicate with one another.
This led to me emailing her on Tuesday after I sorted out my thoughts. I thanked her for bringing everything to my attention. I stated that I knew I had somethings to work on and that it was going to take time to gain her trust back. Then I stated, that what I would like from her to help with this is quick and direct guidance/correction, even if it had to be done by email. That what I would give in return is making the change quickly and being more aware of the situations, and that I hoped the end result would be that I wouldnt have time to damage the trust and our relationship further. I have not gotten a response back to this, but I am hoping she understands my point of view.
Truly I think she wants the best for me, but doesnt get me. After our Disc meeting she stated that she kind of got why I asked so many questions and needed so much direction now. However, I think she is still working on how to manage my style. I was not the only one that came out with the style I am on our team and the others that did she was struggling with as well.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I guess it will just take time, and really learning to communicate with one another.
It's hard to tell from your story what the nature of the difficulty with some team members is. Are they jealous that you have the team leader job and they do not? Were you imposed on them without their consent? Are you of a different cultural background than they are and not familiar with the norms of how they communicate and what they expect? Do they have to do what you say, or do they only have to do what your boss says?
It sounds like possibly your boss is trying to coach you into being able to influence people without direct authority over them. If that is the case, what does your boss expect you to accomplish with this team? Do you know what the team members expect of you? (Different team members might expect different things.) What is the team expected to accomplish as a team? (Is most work done individually or as a group? Are the rewards for individual achievement or for group achievement?) Please write back and clarify what the structure is.
It sounds like possibly your boss is trying to coach you into being able to influence people without direct authority over them. If that is the case, what does your boss expect you to accomplish with this team? Do you know what the team members expect of you? (Different team members might expect different things.) What is the team expected to accomplish as a team? (Is most work done individually or as a group? Are the rewards for individual achievement or for group achievement?) Please write back and clarify what the structure is.
1 Comments
The job we do is mainly individual work. We do need to be on the same page as a team regarding work process. How my manager described this role is that she wants me to be the person the team comes to with work process questions, in addition when she is out she wants me to ensure everyone is staying on task and meeting their numbers. For the most part lately I stay at my desk and watch over our tracking system to ensure that everyone is clocking (auxing) in and out as they need to.
I have about 9 left on my team. 1 has a role where she truly is independent and really nothing ever changes. The others are all doing the same thing. They are the ones that get hit with changes, or have the highest opportunity to come across cases they will have questions about. What my manager said in the last discussion is that there are still a few who come to her with work process questions, and she wants to know why. Our cultural background are not that different, and to be honest I dont know why they dont come to me.
There are two I know of who doesnt come to me. One of whom I thought I developed a relationship with and we were doing really well for a month or so. Then out of no where she just stopped coming to me. Her and me are complete opposite. She is very blunt, loud and take control. I am quieter, take time to think of the answer before responding, and really want to give the control to my team. I do know that she had said my manager and me seemed on different pages at one time. Maybe that is still her concern, but I dont think so because she goes to the other team lead who is on the same page as me. The other girl that I know barely comes to me has that same personality. Truly with her I feel I just need to be more direct. Another thing with her is that we came in together and we learn very differently, so I guess I just need to learn how to respond to her questions. These are the only two I can think of, but my manager makes it sound like more then just the two. When I look over the day though. The others have come to me, so I am just not sure.
I have researched and tried to improve the relationships here at work with my team. I have asked my manager for clarification on what she recommends I do with the team. The feedback though isnt very clear. At one time she said start talking to the team as individuals, and try to get to know them. Then she says I am doing too much and the team feels that I am coming off strong and to back off a bit. Then the next month it is I need to open up more that she got feedback that I didnt take the opportunity to do that. I feel so pulled in 3 different directions. I just want some outside eyes to help me.
I have about 9 left on my team. 1 has a role where she truly is independent and really nothing ever changes. The others are all doing the same thing. They are the ones that get hit with changes, or have the highest opportunity to come across cases they will have questions about. What my manager said in the last discussion is that there are still a few who come to her with work process questions, and she wants to know why. Our cultural background are not that different, and to be honest I dont know why they dont come to me.
There are two I know of who doesnt come to me. One of whom I thought I developed a relationship with and we were doing really well for a month or so. Then out of no where she just stopped coming to me. Her and me are complete opposite. She is very blunt, loud and take control. I am quieter, take time to think of the answer before responding, and really want to give the control to my team. I do know that she had said my manager and me seemed on different pages at one time. Maybe that is still her concern, but I dont think so because she goes to the other team lead who is on the same page as me. The other girl that I know barely comes to me has that same personality. Truly with her I feel I just need to be more direct. Another thing with her is that we came in together and we learn very differently, so I guess I just need to learn how to respond to her questions. These are the only two I can think of, but my manager makes it sound like more then just the two. When I look over the day though. The others have come to me, so I am just not sure.
I have researched and tried to improve the relationships here at work with my team. I have asked my manager for clarification on what she recommends I do with the team. The feedback though isnt very clear. At one time she said start talking to the team as individuals, and try to get to know them. Then she says I am doing too much and the team feels that I am coming off strong and to back off a bit. Then the next month it is I need to open up more that she got feedback that I didnt take the opportunity to do that. I feel so pulled in 3 different directions. I just want some outside eyes to help me.
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