Aa
Cheating?
I am currently in a relationship of almost two years. But the other day a girl whom is a friend of mine told me she " wants to **** the life out of me" and she looks better and has a better body then my gf. It has been extremely hard for me to get sexual images of me and her out of my head. Should I have sex with her?
Hi also, sorry your getting some negative comments and we do know you are struggling with the images in your mind but i think the way you worded your post got the replyers on edge.
It might have been better to say that you have these images in your mind and ask for help how to get them out so i would say the best way is to let your conscience by your guide.
It might have been better to say that you have these images in your mind and ask for help how to get them out so i would say the best way is to let your conscience by your guide.
and if you love this girl, it might be a more loving response to let her go
sorry, i meant to say because you love this girl...
sorry, i meant to say because you love this girl...
I commented on your earlier post.In that post, you said that your relationship was on and off, and that you had acted on another instance of sexual favors offered to you.
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You need to ask yourself : Do you need to have a few different kinds of personalities in a relationship to see what types of personality you feel would be the most beneficial to you for , well, forever.
Ask yourself: Do I feel satisfied?
Is my gf and I sexually compatible? (are our sex drives compatible)
Are we intellectually compatible? (do we want the same level of education, not that it is necessary to have a good relationship, but often education and natural yearning for learning has a place when picking a spouse).
Can you even come up with an answer if you are satisfied, or not, not having had many sexual experiences, or having been intimate with different kinds of personalities (to know what values you place on personality types).
It might not be politically correct to ask yourself if you are settling, but to voice that in a more amenable way, answer the above questions for yourself and you'll essentially get the same answer. but tactfully.
I'm not sure if there's any more room for ambivalence on your part in your current relationship. If that's been what's happening, and if you love this girl, it might be a more loving response to let her go, where she can then date and maybe experience a partner that is more suitable and would make her happier in the long run.
I know one thing, that our first relationships will always be special to us , and as there is only one 'first love" it matters that we handle ourselves with as much integrity as we can muster, in our youth, for our benefit and the benefit of our loved one. It's a long time to feel bad about not handling yourself in the right way with the first women you love.
Yes, you will always feel love for this girl,and it will hurt you both to walk away, but if this is not the right time for you to settle down, there's no shame in that. At least the pain of breaking up over and over, will no longer rule her world,. You've mentioned one instance and more on the horizon you you stepping out when you've broken up (hopefully) Is she waiting for you ,celebate while you play the field?
All of the feedback you've gotten is important. It's even important that you realize that maybe some of the women here that have commented have had experience with the effects of lying and cheating. I for one have had this experience and sometimes i project and it affects whether i am completely objective. Its a pretty passionate subject and often results in spirited conversation. My point i'm getting at here, is that maybe it should. Maybe you should feel the pain and hurt of women that have experience on this topic, at this age. Maybe you will be more able to feel the pain that a young girl might feel.
Do you have sisters? What if your sisters' boyfriend was constantly thinking of having sex with other girls,? Would you think that this was a good match for your sister at this time? What would your advice be? Yes, it's hard to break up, but it 's more damaging to all, not being able to provide a loved one with their needs from you. It can set you on a course of callousness or self hatred, neither of which is optimal.
You have some important decisions to make. and I'm SO glad that you came to us for advice. I hope i've helped in some way.( I hope i haven't hurt you). Much love and peace in your life son.
'm really happy that Life has given you a male perspective of where you'r head should be at, or could be at, in order to make a decision for yourself as to what you really want in your life at this time, or down the road.
I think if my son was needing a perspective of a male that would benefit him the most with concern to women, it would be Life that i would want him to hear from. So, I think i can speak for Life, because I've seen his work here for years, but if you'd like to private message him to talk about relationships, i'm highly recommending that you do. And of course, myself or anyone else that you think might help you out.
God speed. God bless.
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You need to ask yourself : Do you need to have a few different kinds of personalities in a relationship to see what types of personality you feel would be the most beneficial to you for , well, forever.
Ask yourself: Do I feel satisfied?
Is my gf and I sexually compatible? (are our sex drives compatible)
Are we intellectually compatible? (do we want the same level of education, not that it is necessary to have a good relationship, but often education and natural yearning for learning has a place when picking a spouse).
Can you even come up with an answer if you are satisfied, or not, not having had many sexual experiences, or having been intimate with different kinds of personalities (to know what values you place on personality types).
It might not be politically correct to ask yourself if you are settling, but to voice that in a more amenable way, answer the above questions for yourself and you'll essentially get the same answer. but tactfully.
I'm not sure if there's any more room for ambivalence on your part in your current relationship. If that's been what's happening, and if you love this girl, it might be a more loving response to let her go, where she can then date and maybe experience a partner that is more suitable and would make her happier in the long run.
I know one thing, that our first relationships will always be special to us , and as there is only one 'first love" it matters that we handle ourselves with as much integrity as we can muster, in our youth, for our benefit and the benefit of our loved one. It's a long time to feel bad about not handling yourself in the right way with the first women you love.
Yes, you will always feel love for this girl,and it will hurt you both to walk away, but if this is not the right time for you to settle down, there's no shame in that. At least the pain of breaking up over and over, will no longer rule her world,. You've mentioned one instance and more on the horizon you you stepping out when you've broken up (hopefully) Is she waiting for you ,celebate while you play the field?
All of the feedback you've gotten is important. It's even important that you realize that maybe some of the women here that have commented have had experience with the effects of lying and cheating. I for one have had this experience and sometimes i project and it affects whether i am completely objective. Its a pretty passionate subject and often results in spirited conversation. My point i'm getting at here, is that maybe it should. Maybe you should feel the pain and hurt of women that have experience on this topic, at this age. Maybe you will be more able to feel the pain that a young girl might feel.
Do you have sisters? What if your sisters' boyfriend was constantly thinking of having sex with other girls,? Would you think that this was a good match for your sister at this time? What would your advice be? Yes, it's hard to break up, but it 's more damaging to all, not being able to provide a loved one with their needs from you. It can set you on a course of callousness or self hatred, neither of which is optimal.
You have some important decisions to make. and I'm SO glad that you came to us for advice. I hope i've helped in some way.( I hope i haven't hurt you). Much love and peace in your life son.
'm really happy that Life has given you a male perspective of where you'r head should be at, or could be at, in order to make a decision for yourself as to what you really want in your life at this time, or down the road.
I think if my son was needing a perspective of a male that would benefit him the most with concern to women, it would be Life that i would want him to hear from. So, I think i can speak for Life, because I've seen his work here for years, but if you'd like to private message him to talk about relationships, i'm highly recommending that you do. And of course, myself or anyone else that you think might help you out.
God speed. God bless.
Im glad you came back and to me 18 is not that young. Those 18 are in the military and are dying for this country so 18 is a great age. One thing ive learned about relationships is that we committ ourselves to others and expect the same from them. We bond and form a lasting relationship that takes us into old age and we become best friends at the end.
Sex is not even close to what relationships are about but faith and trust is. Love is giving up what we want for another and thats the bottom line.
Sex is not even close to what relationships are about but faith and trust is. Love is giving up what we want for another and thats the bottom line.
My guess is, your fantasies of this girl are way more exciting than what would actually happen.
And then there's the chance that she was just talking out of her head, and doesn't intend to have sex with you.
And then there's the chance that your GF put her up to it to see if you'd cheat.
It's your decision - if you think this girl would be a better girlfriend and you want a relationship with her, it might be something to consider. Or if you were planning to break up with your current girlfriend anyway, you're just kind of biding time with her until something better comes along, and don't have any thoughts of anything very long term with her, this might be attractive.
It seems highly likely she might have an STD.
And then there's the chance that she was just talking out of her head, and doesn't intend to have sex with you.
And then there's the chance that your GF put her up to it to see if you'd cheat.
It's your decision - if you think this girl would be a better girlfriend and you want a relationship with her, it might be something to consider. Or if you were planning to break up with your current girlfriend anyway, you're just kind of biding time with her until something better comes along, and don't have any thoughts of anything very long term with her, this might be attractive.
It seems highly likely she might have an STD.
But yes sex has been in my mind 24/7 but my girlfriend is whom I am in love with. It's just difficult when I'm constantly horny thinking of sex with other girls
Once again I never said anything with my gf body ever I just said the other girl has a better one. Abd yes I'm young I'm 18 at times I feel like I'm missing out on other girls I guess. I obviously don't just look at a woman's body if I've been dating her for 2 years . Londres you try to guilt me about thinking of other girls and then you say your sure your husband fantises about other woman?
1 Comments
I think you misunderstood my
point. You don't need to feel guilty about thinking of other girls; the problem is you are constantly thinking about other girls. Your gf is probably assuming that she is the only woman constantly on your mind.
Fantasies are very normal in my opinion. Yes, I have them, but I am not constantly thinking about having sex with other men either. Most if not all people have them even if they have a partner and usually they are fleeting meaning it isn't constant. If you had asked about how to handle your fantasies then my response would have been different. It was your statement or question "Should I have sex with her?" was the part that was concerning. If you are stating this then you are beyond a harmless fantasy. Fleeting fantasies aren't the same as someone constantly thinking about having sex with someone who isn't his partner.
I just don't think it is fair to your gf or proper to stay in a relationship when you are constantly thinking about having sex with other women.
Though this is normal thought and behavior for an 18 year old guy.....testosterone super high and you like looking at different women and wondering what sex would be like with them, you need to figure out if you should continue this committed relationship. Maybe you aren't ready for one? You are only 18. To be honest when my sons were 18 I didn't encourage committed, serious relationships because they should be having fun and date a variety of girls with no seriousness attached.
Anyways, in the end it is your decision. Good luck.
point. You don't need to feel guilty about thinking of other girls; the problem is you are constantly thinking about other girls. Your gf is probably assuming that she is the only woman constantly on your mind.
Fantasies are very normal in my opinion. Yes, I have them, but I am not constantly thinking about having sex with other men either. Most if not all people have them even if they have a partner and usually they are fleeting meaning it isn't constant. If you had asked about how to handle your fantasies then my response would have been different. It was your statement or question "Should I have sex with her?" was the part that was concerning. If you are stating this then you are beyond a harmless fantasy. Fleeting fantasies aren't the same as someone constantly thinking about having sex with someone who isn't his partner.
I just don't think it is fair to your gf or proper to stay in a relationship when you are constantly thinking about having sex with other women.
Though this is normal thought and behavior for an 18 year old guy.....testosterone super high and you like looking at different women and wondering what sex would be like with them, you need to figure out if you should continue this committed relationship. Maybe you aren't ready for one? You are only 18. To be honest when my sons were 18 I didn't encourage committed, serious relationships because they should be having fun and date a variety of girls with no seriousness attached.
Anyways, in the end it is your decision. Good luck.
Definitely nothing wrong with a fantasy and I am sure my husband has have plenty of them and I do too; that's normal in my opinion, but things become muddled when you start comtemplating acting on it. If the urge is becoming more and more inviting then you need to evaluate what's going in the relationship or if there should be a relationship.
I agree with Chima. You have to think about how you would feel if someone was thinking about doing this to you? It's not something pleasant.
I agree with Chima. You have to think about how you would feel if someone was thinking about doing this to you? It's not something pleasant.
Well, I personally wouldn't risk a solid relationship for what is likely to be a one-time fling, if your friend is even serious. But, you're the one who has to evaluate whether it's worth risking your relationship. I'd urge you to take a step back and think about whether your current relationship is what you want. If not, the polite course of action would be to break up with your current girlfriend before proceeding.
The easiest way to answer your question is this: How would you feel truthfully if your gf cheated on you with a more attractive guy than you? If you're being totally honest with yourself then you will agree that you would feel very upset and you would most likely want to break up with her for hurting you like that. So knowing that, than why in the world would you even be considering doing that to her?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, and one more thing. I think a lot of people in long term relationships occasionally think and have fantasies about others. You are allowed to have those. If the images on your head are causing you though, to really consider cheating and you do not want to, then stop all contact with her, keep super busy, every time the thoughts/images pop in your head, actively stop the thoughts and replace them with thoughts of your girlfriend. Intrusive thoughts are a pain but you can visualize an on and off button. Turn the button off, stop the images. good luck
Let's remember that, while honest opinions are expected, they need to be expressed with civility and respect. Thank you.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. I think dealing with temptation when in a relationship is hard. I personally lead a life that doesn't put in a spot to have much temptation but I am older and in the throws of raising kids, cleaning the house, and other really glamorous things. ha ha. But I am sure that my husband has faced temptation in his life when he is traveling or whatnot by women that see him as a successful, attractive man that would be a catch. He, however, (and I guess I should say that I HOPE but do believe) is committed to our marriage and does not step out. HE has to make that choice.
You have to make that choice here. It really could be that you are not yet ready to decide that the thought of hot sex with a hot girl isn't worth it if it means you don't get to be with your girlfriend anymore. You may still need to sow a few wild oats. I don't know. And I do think that we go through phases in our life where we have to test the waters. I do not recommend your doing that behind your girlfriends back. If you feel you may want to have sex with other people, you should, in my opinion, do the right thing and take a break from your girlfriend officially and be a single man. Do it the right way if you are going to do it.
If that isn't what you want to do, then this is a matter of will power. And you just stop communicating with the girl totally! End the temptation.
I have no doubt that my husband has fantasized about being with another woman who is 'hotter' than me. (in all my middle aged glory, that's not hard to come by, ha ha)--- THAT is harmless. I just expect him to stay true and honest to our vows and not act on it.
So, decide where you are really at with your girlfriend and go from there. Good luck
You have to make that choice here. It really could be that you are not yet ready to decide that the thought of hot sex with a hot girl isn't worth it if it means you don't get to be with your girlfriend anymore. You may still need to sow a few wild oats. I don't know. And I do think that we go through phases in our life where we have to test the waters. I do not recommend your doing that behind your girlfriends back. If you feel you may want to have sex with other people, you should, in my opinion, do the right thing and take a break from your girlfriend officially and be a single man. Do it the right way if you are going to do it.
If that isn't what you want to do, then this is a matter of will power. And you just stop communicating with the girl totally! End the temptation.
I have no doubt that my husband has fantasized about being with another woman who is 'hotter' than me. (in all my middle aged glory, that's not hard to come by, ha ha)--- THAT is harmless. I just expect him to stay true and honest to our vows and not act on it.
So, decide where you are really at with your girlfriend and go from there. Good luck
You must be super young to be asking this as the maturity level and/or morals is/are lacking here. Asking if cheating is ok? Is this real? Are you for real?
Would you be ok with your gf having sex with a friend who is hot and ripped? If the answer is no then the answer is no for you.
You even considering this suggests that your current relationship isn't solid and I would suggest you figure out quickly IF you even want or IF you should even be in a relationship at this point. I don't think you should be.
Women are more than just looks and a body and if you only judge women based on the superficial then that is pretty sad. AND, if a woman is only wanting sex from you then that says a lot about her too and it's not positive. Trust me, she isn't just asking you and if you think about the others she is asking or has already bedded, then that should help erase the thought of being with her sexually.
I would do your gf a favor and let her find someone who really wants to be committed 100% to her, someone who isn't comparing her to other women, someone who isn't going to be weak and contemplating sleeping with a friend who he considers better looking and has a better body then her.
I am going to advocate your gf and say this is pretty insulting and the lowest of lows.
Would you be ok with your gf having sex with a friend who is hot and ripped? If the answer is no then the answer is no for you.
You even considering this suggests that your current relationship isn't solid and I would suggest you figure out quickly IF you even want or IF you should even be in a relationship at this point. I don't think you should be.
Women are more than just looks and a body and if you only judge women based on the superficial then that is pretty sad. AND, if a woman is only wanting sex from you then that says a lot about her too and it's not positive. Trust me, she isn't just asking you and if you think about the others she is asking or has already bedded, then that should help erase the thought of being with her sexually.
I would do your gf a favor and let her find someone who really wants to be committed 100% to her, someone who isn't comparing her to other women, someone who isn't going to be weak and contemplating sleeping with a friend who he considers better looking and has a better body then her.
I am going to advocate your gf and say this is pretty insulting and the lowest of lows.
Not once have I complained about her body. And I'm sure as hell not critical . I'm not a cheater though and I haven't did anything as of yet. Why are you so bitter ?
1 Comments
Agree with Chima. She isn't being bitter, she is being truthful and merely offering her point of view. We are trying to give you sound advice; telling you not necessarily what you want to hear, but what you probably should hear. I would give the same advice to my sons and have.
It's nice you didn't complain about her body to her face; kuddos to you, but you compared her to another woman in your initial post which in essence tells us you aren't completely in love with how she looks. If you were totally cool with her looks and body and just her period you wouldn't have written your post in the first place.
A friend wanting to sleep with you knowing you have a gf isn't really someone that you should be involved with.....she's no friend.
Don't do it!
It's nice you didn't complain about her body to her face; kuddos to you, but you compared her to another woman in your initial post which in essence tells us you aren't completely in love with how she looks. If you were totally cool with her looks and body and just her period you wouldn't have written your post in the first place.
A friend wanting to sleep with you knowing you have a gf isn't really someone that you should be involved with.....she's no friend.
Don't do it!
If you want to have sex with someone else then you need to break up with your girlfriend. Apparently you don't even like your girlfriend anyway since you're complaining about her body. Break up with her so she will find someone less critical and who wouldn't even consider cheating on her.
Cheaters don't belong in relationships. How would you feel if it was your girlfriend who was told the same thing by a guy with a better body than yours and she wanted to cheat on you with him? I'm sure you would be very upset and you wouldn't feel too good about yourself. Why would you even think about doing this to her?
If you do cheat on her then just remember that karma never loses an address.
Cheaters don't belong in relationships. How would you feel if it was your girlfriend who was told the same thing by a guy with a better body than yours and she wanted to cheat on you with him? I'm sure you would be very upset and you wouldn't feel too good about yourself. Why would you even think about doing this to her?
If you do cheat on her then just remember that karma never loses an address.
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