Confused??

[maxy2215]

I posted back in August. I am 29 and my husband is 37. We met when I was 18 and he was 27. We have been together ever since. The past couple of years my feelings have changed for him completely. We have a soon to be 6 yr od son and he has a 14 yr old son from his previous marriage. I get really irratated with him for things he does. He leaves his clothes in my kitchen(living room, bed room, and bathroom), he leaves trash and q-tips on the tables and counters, he asks me to get him something everytime I get off the couch, and he does the same thing with the boys. Ex. Sunday I was folding clothes and he asks me if I gave him his medicine I said no so then about 5 minutes later I walk through the living room and he asks me to get his medicine for him. I think all weekend I got him something just about every time he asked for it. He didn't hardly get off the couch all weekend unless it was something for him to go to his brothers or to a interent place and spend money. Everytime I turn around he is wanting something. I had to tell him Sunday to put his clothes in the laundry room if he wanted them washed. I don't wear my wedding rings anymore. I don't like to be seen with him. I go get his 14 yr old every other friday. Then last saturday I was trying to figure out what to eat for lunch and he said come here and let me feel your butt and then he said sit beside me and I must of made a noise and he said never mind. Just pack your stuff and leave if I can't touch my wife for the next 20 yrs just pack your stuff and leave. It seems like all he thinks about is sex. I get tired of it. I have to pick up, throw away, clean up, work, get up early and take my son to school. I just feel like I would be better off leaving and living some where else. I keep note of everything. Like he hasn't come to my families for Christmas in 2 yrs. His excuse is he is on secondary for work. I go to a nearby city with my sister for some shopping and she takes me out to eat for my bday that night and I get home at 9 pm and he is mad that he hasn't ate yet. He has done that before. I come home from shopping, a viewing, or a funeral and I have to cook him something at 9 pm at night. He doesn't really do anything with his kids. Just like the night of my sons preschool graduation we come home and all he can think about is having sex. My son awake and I wanted to look at the stuff he brought home. What would yall do???

[tbiM20]

Umm, someone should remind him that you are MARRIED, he can't make you leave. I agree though, don't put up with idle threats like that. Call his bluff. Take the older one back to his mom, and you leave with yours. See how he can stand being independent for a while. Sometimes a shock like that will snap a person back to reality. Stand your ground and, if he's worth keeping, things will improve. If he's not, you'll recognize pretty quickly that its time to bail.

Consider marriage counselling. Consider separation. Consider keeping track of the finances and the property you own together, keeping copies of paperwork and a friend or relative's house if its really tanking. But never, ever let yourself get to the point where you are compromising your self esteem for his petty demands.

[Life360_Dave]

"am not the person to open my mouth." You said it all right there. The individual facts you wrote are secondary. He doenot seem like a bad man as does go to work and cuts the grass and stuff. Men are creatures of habit and he is very comfortable in the lifestyle HE has created with you. You were very young and inexperienced when you met and he was a devorced older man. Normaly 18 year old girls hang with 18 year old boys as the experience level is even. He knew much more about life and how to control  younger people. But this is all behind you now as this is what you have. Just to let you know that you have great power a a female, men of all ages react to this in a submissive way but you have to talk and act with the power you posses. I think you know by now about this power so just use it or loose it.

[brice1967]

"Pack you stuff and leave"....  He probably doesn't mean it, but call his bluff.  The next time those words come out of his mouth, grab some stuff (better yet, have a bag pre-made with essentials) and your 5 year old and leave.  

Start planning right now.  Know where your going and hopefully it won't be so easy for him to find you. (That would be best...)  That would allow you time to think things over, give him time to think things over, or for you to plan the next move.

[maxy2215]

I am not the person to open my mouth. If I try and talk to him I know its not going to make a difference. I think I am just waiting to go off one day and that be it. When we went on vacation last month we went to play putt putt and my 5yr old was getting eat up on his ankles and he was getting honorary. So I asked my husband are we going to play the other course he says no I don't want to listen to him anymore. Then when we get in the car I say that I got eat up last night and he said the way yall baby him makes me want to throw up. Then my son asks me to get him something and he tells him to stop bothering me. Well he has never gotten him anything. He doesn't ask his daddy to fix him chocolate milk and that is b/c his dad always tells him to wait for me. I don't think he is use to a kid being around b/c his oldest only came over everyother weekend. Just like the sunday before vacation the 14 yr old called me to go get him and I said did u call your dad and he said yes he told me to call you. So then I get home and unload the groceries and leaving some after 4 pm to go get him and he gets mad b/c I was going to get him so late. Well maybe he should have went and got him when his son called him first. The only thing he does around the house is mow the grass and clean his junk up outside. I do everything else. He has never given my 5 yr old a bath. He doesn't like his dad to see him naked. Then sex and blow jobs it doesn't matter if I am sick or not he still wants it. I could care less to do it half the time.

[Londres70]

"Just pack your stuff and leave if I can't touch my wife for the next 20 yrs just pack your stuff and leave."  If any man told me that trust me I would be making plans to do just that.

Sounds like your situation is getting worse.  

As I recommend in August......Temporarily separate from him and tell him you are serious about things changing.  If he says he wants the marriage to work and will do anything then tell him that you all should go to couples' therapy.  I think you have gotten to the point where you just resent and loathe your husband and I am not sure if therapy will change this or not.....it might be too late.