covert incest and identity problems

[health2001]

I am a 38 year old woman who is just becoming aware that what i thought was a normal upbringing has become a entaglement and entrpement between my parents emotional and sexual needs and my own upbringing and needs.
I never thought of myself of as sick and i was always saving myself for a special someone but i am seeing that there is something else going on here and it is abusive and hurtful and i am losing my own self image dignity and identity.
I feel my parents have been incestuous and i didnnt even realize it and controlling i wondered why i didnt develope like my firends and why i was trapped in my house denied what others  have.I feel cripples  I am haveing a hard time understanding why I don thave whats  mine and taking care of my own needs this has become quite a powerful entaglement its like an ocean wave it takes over me and I dont like it one bit. why  I didnt have the love a parent should give a child and security constant scrutiny and blaming and hurting and emotional sabotage gets to be too much I am being blamed over and over again its my fault and i have a load of stuff i cant even deal with its more that i can understand or even want to deal with. I happen to come accross a book of contolling parents where they mention covert incest and i think this is what is messing me up.
I have had alot of problems and my sens of security and safety has been copormised, self esteem, boundaries and sexuality in a clean way has become to mean something horrible to me....i cant belive such a thing exists...
what is wrong with my parents and how to i get out of this and break the cycle i am losing myself. I want normal healthy realtioanships or at least i want to respect myself i think this is awful this is chronic. i dont want to feel sick anymore.

[sammy73]

Do you feel able to tell us a bit more clearly what exactly has happened?  You say a lot about how you feel about your relationship with your parents, but it's hard to put that in perspective without knowing exactly what has been going on.  What exactly do you mean by "covert incest"?  Does this involve both your parents, or just one of them?  You say that you've been saving yourself - what sort of relationships, if any, have you had with men in your life?

I'd agree with babypooh that you have issues that would really benefit from seeing a professional.  I hope that you can find some help and support through this board, but you may need more help than we can give.

[babypooh]

I am truly sorry for what you're going through. I think that it's important that you realized the emotional problems you're facing and should see some kind of therapist.  Writing also helps to get all your feelings out. Talk with friends, keep coming on this website and/or write in a journal. You definitely need to see a therapist though. They will help you better understand your emotions and maybe shed some light on the whole situation. Don't beat yourself up over anything though; don't worry about things you cannot change. We often waste too much time doing that. Love yourself no matter what and do what you need to do to feel better. Love yourself. Trust God and give him your problems. Trust yourself and let things go. Everything will fall into place one day, with the help of God. Good luck.