I fell in love with my gay best friend.

[gherkin2pickle]

I'm in high school, and since sixth grade I've had a best (male) friend who I had a crush on for the longest time. We were two peas in a pod, doing everything together. People were always asking me (and I'm guessing him too) if we were dating. Neither of us wanted that because it was only middle school, but my affection grew. I know I'm in love with him, and I have been for just over a year. When severe depression set in, I cut him out completely because I wanted him to have better friends. People that weren't me. But that has passed, and now we're friends again. But, last summer, he revealed to me that he was gay. My heart broke, and I still can't believe that the one person I could ever truly care for can never love me back. And it's tearing me apart. Every time I look at him, I get sad. I recovered from depression, but I feel myself slowly slipping back into it because of this. I don't want to become suicidal again, not over this. I'm sorry if it sounds petty and like typical teenage drama, but I need some advice on how to handle this. Or fix it. I don't want to confront him because the last time I did (when I told him how depressed I was and about my self harm, etc) it ended quite badly for me. Please, help me out here. Thank you for reading. /Gherkin

[Nighthawk61]

It's hard for you to see how well this set of circumstances has worked out for you. You must always try to look at all the angels. You could have been in a relationship with this boy for a year or more (as is often the case) and then be told, "It's not you, it's me, I'm gay". Imagine your pain, how many times worse do you think it would be for you if that had been the case? Always please look for the silver lining.  

You need to NOT tell your friend how you feel. It is a selfless act, and one that God looks kindly upon. There's a special place in heaven for people that will carry a burden, rather than to pass that weight to another.

There is no winner or loser in your dilemna, While you can not win his physical love, you already have his trust, and his emotional and spiritual love. and often, the latter is the longest lasting. While many relationships end up in the toilet, friendships that are not threatening, can last forever.

Be extra kind to yourself. This has been a hard blow. Life is hard, and there will be times that you will feel disappointment. Not getting that prize job, and losing to another candidate. Not scoring high enough of an entrance exam for a university. But through it all, we have our friends.The more the merrier. Why not consider distracting yourself for a bit and being inclusive and invite another person into your circle of friends (even if it just the two of you) ? This will be good for the both of you, and you can never have too many good friends. Try not to isolate and be obsessive with your thoughts. Distract yourself with new hobbies. There's an online site, called CRAFTSY.com that has many FREE mini courses online, that might help you to redirect your focus from this issue. (as time heals all wounds). Why not pick up another skill that you can use to calm yourself/  If you're feeling out of sorts about this, you're young, look for a FREE Youtube vdeo of a work out routine, or a yoga class, to help you release some much needed sarotonin into your system. Concentrate on your school more. All of these ideas will pay much higher dividends than your refusing to accept something that you can't change.

Also, tell yourself this saying VERY slowly, whenever you are feeling anxiety , as a daily or even hourly meditation. It works for so many of us going through tge type of thing you're going through.

God, Grant me the Serenity..To Accept The Things, I Cannot Change..
The Courage, To Change The Things i Can.
And The Wisdom, To Know The Difference.

Let us know how you're doing okay ? W E   C A R E  
Liz

[specialmom]

Hi.  Straight woman falling in love with gay man is the plot of a few movies.  Rarely would this really work out like you would like.  He trusted you enough to reveal his sexual preference.  That's a pretty big show of friendship.  And a very good indication that he would not be interested in you as a partner.  

Often when we realize something is not possible, we want it more.  In this way, many people set themselves up for failure.  The allusive prize.  Another theme of many movies.

Don't do that to yourself.  You are young.  You've had emotional issues.  You are discovering who you yourself are.  Focus on that.  Don't try to be in love with anyone at this point.  And certainly don't ruin a friendship by 'confronting' someone with your feelings that are clearly not shared.  

And make sure that this isn't a pattern.  Living a life of drama of wanting something you can't have is something many women waste so much time doing.  I wish you the best.  I'm sorry he is not available but you know what that REALLY means?  He never would have been a good match for you.  He's attracted to men.  This would possibly become an issue of any passion between you two.   good luck

[Londres70]

Hon, I know you are struggling with your issues, but your issues aren't his and shouldn't be his.  I think you've put too many expectations on him making him your only path to happiness and love when in reality that isn't so.  

You are still very young and I really think you aren't in a good place to be concerned about having a romantic relationship with anybody.

Confront him?  Why would there be a need to confront him? He sounds like he has been a good friend and I think you should be happy for your friend and that he had the courage to reveal to you that he is gay as that isn't easy to tell someone.  He is in a good place with himself and life and I wouldn't spoil that because you aren't and are feeling sad and blue.

I would encourage you to work on you and be grateful with a good friendship.