Porn addiction

[hollymclain12]

Hi all,
I’m starting this thread to share my concern about my husband. I don’t know whether I’m doing the right thing by sharing his personal things. But I’m really scared by his behavior. Recently I noticed some changes in my husband’s behavior. He is showing secretive character and  spending more time in front of his computer. I already know that he is interested in watching porn, but that was just for time pass. But nowadays this had increased tremendously and he is showing no interest in me. I had tried to spend more time with him, but he don’t want to. Once, I switched off the computer while he is watching porn, this made him violent and he shouted at me with intense anger. I really scared. He loved me so much, I don’t know what has changed him. While browsing, I noticed that porn addiction will also show similar symptoms. How should I know my husband is addicted to it? If yes, what should I do? My friend suggested me to join him in nearby addiction treatment center( Edgewood, Toronto) but don’t know how to convince him. Before contacting them, I just want to know whether he is addicted or not. How can I find it? Please, advice me.

[Chima7]

His reaction of getting violent when you turned off the computer is not normal. He has a serious problem with addiction if that is how he would react to having the computer turned off and he needs serious help. Unfortunately based on what you've said about him, he sounds like he is not the type to admit he has a problem so it's not likely he will agree to get help for his problem. I think this sounds like a nightmare situation for you and I'm sorry that you find yourself in this. I hope for your sake he realizes that he has a serious problem and gets help before it's too late and he totally pushes you away.

[Londres70]

"He is showing secretive character and  spending more time in front of his computer. I already know that he is interested in watching porn, but that was just for time pass. But nowadays this had increased tremendously and he is showing no interest in me. I had tried to spend more time with him, but he don’t want to. Once, I switched off the computer while he is watching porn, this made him violent and he shouted at me with intense anger. I really scared."...............My guess is that he is addicted.  

You see a problem, but if he doesn't he won't be open to help.  

You can try dialoguing with him in a non-threatening or accusatory manner and see what he says.  If he refuses to dialogue about this and refuses help then you have some difficult decisions to make and you should do that with the help of a therapist.  She/he can help you sort this out.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  This is so hard and I'm sorry you are trying to solve this dilemma.  People CAN develop an addiction to things like sex and porn.  Anything that is used to numb us out, take away emotional pain, avoid live and others, and then they DO things that they feel they can't stop, have no control over and it is ruining their relationships----  those people do need help.

But you are right---  it is hard to convince someone to get that help.  I think this has to be handled like any other addiction.  You will have to confront the situation.  Are you wiling to separate over this?