Feeling Like He Doesn't Care

[HannahMarie1121]

My husband has been acting lately as if he doesn't take my feelings into consideration when it comes to anything. He used to tell me other women don't exist to him, he wants nothing to do with them, etc. Now he says he wants to start talking and/or hanging out with them. He knows I'm insecure about it, but instead of helping me through it all I normally get is "Well you're going to have to get over it" or he gets angry. With any decision really, he acts like my feelings mean nothing. If it upsets or bothers me, he does it anyway even after I tell him how I feel. Wtf am I supposed to do?

[specialmom]

Well, I am glad that you went to a therapist as that will surly help.  I think as you become more secure, this will get better.  I was cheated on by a boyfriend but have total faith in my husband.    Keep up the therapy, work on your security issues that are within you (some people will chalk up a cheating boyfriend as just a loser rather than think every guy is like that and if I keep really close tabs and control over this one, it won't happen again.  The other guy was just a loser.)  and continue to communicate.  I wish you the best of luck!

[HannahMarie1121]

well, i've been controlling on certain issues, but, they're very reasonable and we try to compromise if either of us wants something to happen. As to what specialmom said, yes I'm extremely insecure. My last relationship (2 years) I was lied to the entire time, he went behind my back, cheated more than once, etc etc. He knows this and says he understands. We went to a therapist today who also agreed same sex friends are better.

[specialmom]

I am seeing a red flag that could go either way.  Men should be able to have female friends without their significant other flipping out over it.  If you are terribly insecure and do not want him to have females in his life at all, that is a red flag.  That would be an issue for you to work on.

If, however, he is having female friends that you are not involved with in any way as in he keeps them seperate from  you, this is more of his issue.  He IS telling you about them which isn't the usual pattern of someone who cheats though.

Seems as if your relationship is maturing in some ways.  Sex is awesome and every day is great.  But sometimes it might become less frequent as time goes on.  I think I'd discuss it with him (which you have) and instigate it when you feel you would like to but try not to see him as having an affair because it isn't like it was when you first got together.  

I am going to go out on a limb and say that I think you have been somewhat controlling in this relationship and he is balking at that now.  Controlling usually has something to do with our own insecurities.  Is there any way that this is going on?  I ask because you will want to work on this so you can be in a healthy relationship with him.  I think you can fix that but you have to think it is a problem to fix it.  

I could be way off base here, I freely admit.  But these were just my thoughts in the vein of being helpful.  I think any change in behavior with a spouse is something to place consideration in.  But if you have no proof, work on what you an control and that is you.  good luck

[lovemykids465]

I am sorry you are hurting. I beleive it is a mixture of things. One, you are very young, I do not know what the age difference is between the two of you. Second, you are pregnant. Things will tend to eat at you more during this time. I agree with all the above statements. The lack of sex may be due to the pregnancy and if you pester him it can drive him away. I would sit and talk to him about this. Explain to him that you are more sensitive as of late and need him to be a bit more understanding. BUT, the hanging with other women is a definite NO!

[teko]

Sweetie, the problem is, if he made that decision, you never had him nor can you keep him. I know it is scary but you will face that problem either now or somewhere in the not too distant future. It is inevitable from what you describe. And I think you might just be surprised at the outcome.

[HannahMarie1121]

The thing is, if I give him that choice I'm almost positive he'd choose them, because he "doesn't want to be controlled". I can't not be with him, it'd break my heart.

[teko]

I think we women overthink things sometimes. If you listen to the average man in a married relationship, what is their number one complaint. "She Nags", I cannot do anything to please her, lack of sex. She seems to never be happy like she used to be.

In a nutshell, the only advice I can really give is, You need to live your life in a way that makes you happy. You need to be assertive in what kind of treatment you will or will not tolerate and not argue about it. No one likes to argue and this will kill a relationship faster than anything. Be assertive about your wants and needs but not aggressive or mean. Do not be clingy, or whiny. If he is, ignore it. If he is not getting a reaction from you it will stop.Hanging out with other women is not in the deal. The answer is no, get over it or move on, then let him make the decision. Respect yourself and in turn he will respect you.  If he does not turn it around let him go. You cannot force him to do anything but you can decide what you will and will not tolerate from him. Good luck

[Judy246]

I couldn't have said it any better. Good advice and I would like to add to HannaMarie that he is probably uncomfortable with intimacy while being pregnant and also hormones have you being needed and emotional, which is someting guys don't like.

His wanting to hang out with other women is inexcusable, insensitive, unexceptable and not to be tolerated or it will put him at high risk for infideltiy.

Make sure to address this issue and tell him that he is now married and his priorties and responsibilities have changed and this behavior is unexceptable and will not be tolerated and he can get over it.

Instead of putting all your time, energy and focus on him, start focusing on you, your self esteem and most importantly your pregnancy, but his hanging out or communicating with other women is not to be tolerated. Good Luck :)

[KoRRoDEAD]

This is a hard situation to decifer.

First off anything i suggest may not be true or the right path for you to take so keep that in mind while reading.

Stereotypically if a guy seems to lose interest in sex eg. doing it less often, the old saying goes that he's getting it elsewhere. BUT if you beleive he's telling the truth about that then i would wipe that from your mind.

I noticed in your profile that you are pregnant by a few months. His 'problem' may be that he feels uneasy about having sex with a pregnant woman, but at the same time he doesnt want to hurt your feelings by saying that.
On the flip side he may be feeling nervous about the soon to become baby and finds it hard to concentrate on sex with it on his mind, Guys can be turned off too.

What i suggest if you havnt already is sit down with him and have an open honest talk. Depending on the style of your relationship he may be scared of telling the truth because it may be easily misheard/misconstrued.

Also keep in mind that if he sticks by his story of the meds then he could be telling the truth. OR maybe he THINKS thats what is up when subconsiously its something else.

Just be open and honest with him and dont pressure him, most guys will open up if they are given the chance.

Hope you all the best and let me know how it goes.

[HannahMarie1121]

why is no one helping me :/

[HannahMarie1121]

Also, forgot to mention, we used to make love every day. Now, out of nowhere, he hardly wants to do it every 4 days. According to him he hasn't lost interest in me or doing it, isn't doing it himself or with anyone else, and is still attracted to me. He says its his meds but he's been taking them a long time and it's never been like this. Dosages are being changed though.