Ending a Friendship?

[specialmom]

Have you ever had to end a friendship that wasn't working anymore?  How did you do it?  When did you decide you needed to?  Or do you believe once a friend always a friend?

[specialmom]

I had a friend that I'd made when my kids were preschool years.  She was that kind of person that was pretty much tying herself to your life.  I didn't mind until I realized how much drama came with it.  She created drama in all aspects of her life.  It was exhausting.  I finally realized this was NOT for me.  We were friends for 3 years before I put the brakes on.  I'm a person that tries hard to live in a drama free zone with my personal life.  I don't mind counseling others with their situations but if it is ALL the time, no thanks.  Some people truly thrive on chaos I guess.  And then when the drama starts to involve me?  Oh, heck no. (example, I made vegetable soup with beef in it and gave her a big portion.  Her husband wasn't into beef at the time but I guess loved the soup and told her how delicious it was. She flipped out and had a big fight with him over his liking the soup with beef in it that *I* had made.  I mean, really. "but nooooo, YOU make beef vegi soup and he LOVES it.  If I'd made it, he'd not of even tasted it."  No thank you, I'll pass on that situation.)   So, I broke up with her.  I never really addressed it with her because this would create MORE drama so just backed away.  She lives about three streets over from me and has a son my son's age.  Our kids are in some activities together.  In some regards, I liked her a lot.  But I just couldn't take the drama.  And don't miss it when I see her and realize it is still fully going on in her life.  

[dominosarah]

Oh i hate drama and try to stay away from that.  They create their shat storm and just cant figure that out!

[specialmom]

You and I are on the same page with that!! drama free zone!

[dominosarah]

Yep, respect the bubble!!!

[Nighthawk61]

ha ha 'respect the bubble' love the bubble...

[Jade59]

Lol, I love that, Sara.  I'm going to steal it!

[dominosarah]

I had to end what i thought was friendship.  Once i cleaned up/sobered up  i was very taken back by the people i thought were my friends. There was no support only comments such as you'll be back, you cant quit, dont be a loser etc.  I knew what being toxic was about, just hadnt experienced it at that point.  They tried to sway me back in with phone calls so i had to block their calls.  I had the power to do that.  I see them on occasion at the store and we say hi but that is it.  A couple of them have died from their addiction.  It wasnt as easy as it sounds but i worked thru it and am very grateful now for the friends i do have~

[specialmom]

Sounds like you are a wise person who made good decisions for your life.  I think anyone is lucky to have you as a friend!

[AnnieBrooke]

They had the nerve to actually say "Don't be a loser" to you, when you are clean and they are an addict? Who is the loser here? They will be ill, broke, prematurely aged, and/or dead, and you will be free and beautiful as a bird.  I know that such defensive comments are probably from them not wanting to face up to their bad choices or lack of self-discipline (even if they can't do it themselves, help is available after all), but to put it on you with a label like "loser" is RIDICULOUS. You go, girl! Far away from them! :)  

[dominosarah]

Yes they did say that to me along with the "C" word, dumb was in front of the that.  The best one was "quitters never win".  Those words stung in the beginning, now i feel sorry for them as they havent a clue about real life and all that it offers. The bottom line is i did win due to being a quitter!!

[specialmom]

yes you did!!!!

[Nighthawk61]

my "best friend" when using, was always my worst enemy.. So glad you made it through D.S. Many happy returns.

[AnnieBrooke]

It just seems very odd for someone to say "quitters never win" when what is being quit is an addiction. It's not like it is a life win to be trapped by a horrible, ruinous habit. Anyone being able to stop an addiction and fight it down should be encouraging in even an addict's book, they don't want to be addicted forever after all, and it shows it can be done.

[Nighthawk61]

I do believe that once a true friend always a true friend, but i don't think it always works out to continue or add more time to a friendship in all cases. Like love , I don't think that love and friendship go away, i think it's eternal.  I'm thinking of my first boyfriend. We were fast friends, but he and I grew up so differently. He grew up in a loving home, while i was abused and i had baggage, tons and tons of baggage. It took me years and years to manage my way through and not suffer the symptoms of PTSD. My relationships took the brunt of it i'm afraid. For some reason, i was unwilling to allow this first love of my life have to deal with the worst of it. I wanted him so much to find a "nice girl, that was brought up right" to have a family with. I've stopped myself from checking in with him - I have to trust that he found a loving kind women who could give him a family with no baggage to bring their relationship or their children's lives down. I left him never to return or keep in touch, because i loved him so much, because he gave me so much while i was going through hell, he and his family meant the world to me with their kindness. I know that we'll meet again, and when we do I hope that he was okay that i left him. I pray that it didn't completely break his heart, although i know that it did for a time. I pray he was strong enough to go on without who he thought he was going to love forever. Sniff Sniff. Good question Special Mom,

[specialmom]

It's strange when we are so close and wrapped up with someone to then not be, right?  You're a kind soul to want good things for him. Even if it came out of your own hurt and you WERE a good thing.