my lost son

[wxyz123]

My son got married 5 yrs ago 3 yrs ago he had his 1st child his wife said she did not f----ing want me there i did not go as much as i wanted to be there if that was how she felt so be it i work with his wife and she went around tellimg everyone that i would never know my grandchild and she has been true to her word. Hes 3 yrs old now and does not know us at all. She has filled my sons head with lies and he believes every word and he will nor have anything to do wirh me now my heart is broke i cry all the time i can't  seem after 3 yrs to let go the hurt is so deep inside he lives a mile from us he used to be a police officer and would realize that every story has two sides he hates me he won't  even talk to me to even say hi he can't  do anything unless she tells him its ok it is hard to work with this girl who has turned my own child against me to see her face an a daily baisis knowing she cost me my son and only grandchild i will have i cant be nice to her anymore nothing i do is right norhing i dont do is right staying away is not right im ready to throw in the towel and join my mom and dad in heaven at least there i would not hurt or cry anymore theres norhing no purpose to walk on earth anymore there us so much this girl has done to shut us out i dont think there is anyway to fix anything anymore i have prayed for so long wirh no answers i am even doubting if i have any faith left to turn to for comfort

[ScalpMassager]

Some jurisdictions have grandparental rights (which I see as not so much the right of grandparents to be part of their grandchildren's lives, but vice versa:  the grandchildren being part of their grandparents' lives).  I suggest you explore that possibility for your area to see if it holds any promise.  I agree that you ought not let her screen your son from you unless he's told you that's his wish.

[Nighthawk61]

I too think that it's pretty critical that you talk about what it was that could be the reason for your daughter in law and son, cutting off ties with you completely.  If you need to "handle" something that happened, you can ask for advice here. If you treated your son poorly in any manner, you need to talk about it. Forgiveness is possible.

The thing is, depending on what you did or didn't do, would depend on whether your cards letters and gifts were appropriate.,imo I mean you have every right to send them (or force them to get a restriction order that you can't). but if you did something really harsh to one of them, they have every right to stop you from seeing their child. It is their right. On the other hand, kids don't stay kids forever. And in about 18 years, you may hear a tap tap on the door, regardless of the reason why you weren't able to see yoru grandchild. and it might be your grandson. Your son may divorce this girl, and he may come back to you. Anything can happen. One thing that you CAN do is to open something like what we have here in Canada, a "Gerber Whole Life Insurance Plan" and put savings into an account for your Grand Child's University.  

I sure would look for another job. I couldn't stand to see my daughter in law every day, or any day, if you are being treated unfairly.
I think that you would benefit from therapy, to help you learn acceptance. It's not easy. This I know to be true.

I live for my one and only son. I stay in a province that I don't like one bit, (for the weather etc). but for those couple of hours a week to be in his company. I would be devastated if he were to cut me out of his life, but if he did, and there was no way of reconciling our differences, I would be moving to Beautiful BC  : buy a house boat and would live my days on the beaches of Tofino..

I'm so sad to hear how much this is hurting you :( please know that we care about you and your situation.

[RockRose]

Usually,  there's a root cause for estrangements.  

Whether or not you agree with the reason you are estranged,  what would your daughter in law and son say you did that has caused them to cut you out?  (Again,  agree or disagree,  you don't have to agree with it to discuss what the problem is).

Until you recognize and are willing to discuss/entertain what has caused the relationship harm,  there's no way for you to move past this.

[specialmom]

Gosh, I'm really sorry to hear this too.  Sounds so sad and I'm sure this is just a terrible thing for a mother!  

I think, as Tink suggests, that counseling would be so helpful to help work through the emotions.  

What about sending a letter once a month to your grandson (make a copy and put in a box that you can some day give him if he isn't given the cards/letters), send little gifts, etc.  Then you can express to your son that you just want to be connected in some way to your grandchild.  

I sure hope this gets better hon.  Seek therapy to help you deal with it.  good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm sorry You are feeling this pain

The only thing You can 'do' is learn acceptance.   You can also get another job so that You don't see Her every day?

She isn't 'making' Your Son behave this way - He has choice.  Your Son knows You better than She does - He has responsibility for His own behaviors.  He could make the choice to see You and to bring His Child to see You. I doubt this about Him 'believing" Her "lies"

You can't change them but You can change Your own response to what has happened ( "theres nothing, no purpose to walk on earth anymore" ) I'm not suggesting You won't feel sorrow over this circumstance but Your life should not depend this.  You should seek counseling, therapy.  You can feel somewhat better about this circumstance but You have to actively pursue means to accept that which You cannot control.

GoodLuck