Aa
Does he love me?
I am really confused by my boyfriend. I lost my husband who I share a son with almost four years ago. Was very suicidal, depressed and lost. No one could help me. Then my boyfriend now met me through a mutual friend and pretty much moved in a month later to try and help me around the house and my son and such. He said he really cared about me. He always "made" me cuddle with him, hug him, etc. And he made me feel so good. Like someone cared and someone I could trust. My family has always hated him because he has had no job. But he does have a kidney disease, so I let go of that. But then I started telling him I love him, and he said nothing back. I think it was about two years together I really started saying that. Then it finally kept hurting so bad when he would say nothing. We went to couples therapy and it helped a little . He atleast has said I love you back. But I always feel like it's forced. We only recently kissed, and that was also forced. I have no problems with any of it. I want to have some kind of emotional bond with him. But we haven't even had a "real" kiss. I can never get hugs. Sex has never been brought up. I feel like he's just comfortable with me. I'm going to be buying my first house through a settlement I had from my husbands car accident. But don't want to go into this house with him if things are never going to change. I need waaaaaay more from him. I give him everything he pretty much wants. Have paid for everything the entire time we've been together. Everyone hates him even more because he doesn't even do anything with me. I'm embaressed, hurt, miserable, etc. I still grieve over my husband who was pretty much perfect. My boyfriend I know wants to be around me and my son, sometimes too much, but won't do anything with me. And basically that's what differentiates the relationship term. I feel like we're just friends. Please someone help! I don't know if it's him or me or what.
Sounds like this guy has some serious issues, plus he isn't really contributing anything to the household. I see why your family would have concerns. I would lose him and move in your home with you and your son only. Don't waste anymore time on him. Sounds like he is taking advantage of a grieving woman.
Have you considered professional therapy in regards to your grief?
Have you considered professional therapy in regards to your grief?
This story just sends up so many red flags every time I read it again. It really sounds like he gave only as much affection as he had to in order to hook you, and now is ready to ride your gullibility as long as you'll put up with the situation. Closeted gay? Child abuser? Feeloading jerk? Well, at the very least, he is definitely a freeloader. What kind of man lives on a woman for 2 years without even acting concerned that he is not paying for himself? I hope he doesn't act like a creep or stalk you or something, once you do break it off.
I have to agree. You've got enough financial responsibility on your plate as it is having to be a single mom, the last thing you need is this freeloader using advantage of your generosity. Your intuition is telling you that moving him into your new place is a bad idea. I think you need to listen to it. It's there for a reason, you know. You shouldn't put yourself in a position to be financially responsible for him any longer. He is an adult, he needs to find his own way.
Three possibilities come to mind.
One -- there is a kind of guy who gets his jollies from being a rescuer. He'll move from one rescuing relationship to another. As the first person gets emotionally better, he loses interest and moves on to the next. Maybe he stopped being so supportive because you're getting less needy.
Two -- He might be interested in your son. Some pederasts are specialists at taking advantage of lonely women who have children, because they want the children. They do what it takes to get into the woman's good graces, and the woman even helps them access the kids by trusting the guy and telling the kids to stop being unfriendly and letting the kids know how much it matters to the woman that the guy is around.
Three -- He might just be a garden-variety freeloader.
Have you ever googled him, done a credit check on him, looked on those "trash my ex-boyfriend" sites, or done a security check on him? (Those latter are available for a few bucks and are used by small businesses to check potential employees for their possible arrest record, and so on.)
And in fact, I'm confused that you call him a boyfriend. If he were interested in that status, he would have certainly have kissed you more than once in two years. Even if he were super restrained because of deference to your grief, that would only last about a few months at max before he tried kisses at least, and showing an interest in having sex. He's definitely not interested in being your boyfriend. Whether this means he doesn't ever want sex with women, who knows, but I wouldn't move him into the new house as your boyfriend, since he isn't. In fact, I wouldn't move him into any house with your child, but that's just me being suspicious.
At least if he was a boarder, he would be paying his way.
One -- there is a kind of guy who gets his jollies from being a rescuer. He'll move from one rescuing relationship to another. As the first person gets emotionally better, he loses interest and moves on to the next. Maybe he stopped being so supportive because you're getting less needy.
Two -- He might be interested in your son. Some pederasts are specialists at taking advantage of lonely women who have children, because they want the children. They do what it takes to get into the woman's good graces, and the woman even helps them access the kids by trusting the guy and telling the kids to stop being unfriendly and letting the kids know how much it matters to the woman that the guy is around.
Three -- He might just be a garden-variety freeloader.
Have you ever googled him, done a credit check on him, looked on those "trash my ex-boyfriend" sites, or done a security check on him? (Those latter are available for a few bucks and are used by small businesses to check potential employees for their possible arrest record, and so on.)
And in fact, I'm confused that you call him a boyfriend. If he were interested in that status, he would have certainly have kissed you more than once in two years. Even if he were super restrained because of deference to your grief, that would only last about a few months at max before he tried kisses at least, and showing an interest in having sex. He's definitely not interested in being your boyfriend. Whether this means he doesn't ever want sex with women, who knows, but I wouldn't move him into the new house as your boyfriend, since he isn't. In fact, I wouldn't move him into any house with your child, but that's just me being suspicious.
At least if he was a boarder, he would be paying his way.
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