A confused wife

[tw2015]

Been married almost a year, love my husband more than anything and would do anything for him. I been noticing that he watches porn almost everyday. He will disappear anywhere to watch it inclung public bathrooms. I'm really concerned that he enjoys the porn more than me. We can even be out to dinner and he is in the bathroom forever leaving me sitting there and all along I know he is doing more than going to bathroom. It's not like we don't have sex almost every day. Just don't understand and very confused. Any advice?

[AnnieBrooke]

You would certainly get a lot farther with him if you sympathetically said, "Honey, are you depressed?" than if you said "Honey, are you addicted to porn?"

[RockRose]

This is often a sign of depression - a man who can't put of masturbating even to get through dinner.  

Does he have other signs of depression?  

[specialmom]

I would have true concerns about a man that left where we were at together to go to the public bathroom hon and masturbate to porn.  That is a pretty entrenched and deep problem.  You don't need to be hurtful but you need to be direct in talking to him about this as it IS a problem.  good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

Good idea to read up on it.  Maybe his ex cut him off because she was tired of him doing porn and wanting to have sex every day, just a thought.  (Or, maybe she didn't cut him off as much as he says.  Say she wanted it once a week, for a guy like that, that *would* be "cutting him off.")  If you didn't hear from her that she cut him off from sex for 7 years, you might want to consider the source of the story for veracity.

If this is a wonderful guy in every way except that he goes into the restroom at restaurants and watches porn (this frankly, to me this would be a big problem), do your best to find a way to sympathetically approach him about it.  Keep in mind it has nothing to do with you and is no reflection on you or your sexual appeal.

[tw2015]

Thanks everyone, he doesn't know how much I know about it and afraid to tell him how much I know. I know that from his last marriage his ex wife cut him off for 7 years which you can't do that to a man. So I think it has a lot to do with it. I'm going to read more about it and find a way to express my feelings and thoughts to him without, hopefully any hurt. Thanks again everyone

[AnnieBrooke]

He does sound addicted, and if you have sex every day he might also be a sex addict (this does exist).  You might read up on porn addiction and sex addiction and see if you can make some sense of his behavior, and possibly talk to him about what you are reading.  It doesn't sound like he is going to want to have you suggest therapy, but if he wants you in his life long term, perhaps ultimately he would need to look at the gaps in his life that causes him to want so much porn and other stimulation, and see if they can be filled another way.

[Jurb]

Has he always been like that? Does he hide it from you? Have you ever asked him about it? Some guys are a bit excessive/addicted with porn...even when they get sex as much as they want. I wouldn't take it very personally or think that it has any reflection on you at all! Is he open to talking about it?

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Oh goodness.  Yes, I can see why you are concerned.  He sounds obsessed with it.  Actually, he sounds addicted.  People can become addicted to porn like other things in that they use it to fill a void, to check out, and become needy of it.  

I'd say having to do it when out in a public place, having to do it every day, that qualifies as addiction level usage of porn.

I'd talk to him about why he needs it.  

Don't look at it as having anything to do with you.  It really doesn't.  This is somehow his unhealthy coping mechanism.  Why does he need it? What's going on?  Is he depressed?