Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

He tells me

So my husband and i were talking about our life and our love for each other. We came to a conclusion that everyone has a soul mate and the love of their life. He said to me for you they happened not to be the same person. He says he knows he's my soul mate but he thinks my bestfriend is the love of my life. He said he has the advantage because i am his soul mate and the love of his life.
14 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
13167 tn?1327194124
Did you immediately tell him that's not true - or did you leave him feeling like you don't really love him?

Is there a question here in your post?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Don't really get this post.  Is there a question or is this just a statement?

After reading your other post it is probably good not to make problems in your marriage where there is no problems, i.e. like having these discussions unless you like drama.  
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh goodness.  I do agree with Londres about NOT creating problems or looking for problems absolutely! But . . .   If there is another man in the picture that your husband has the perception is 'the love of your life'----  this is telling you that this best friend is threatening to your marriage.  In all truth, no friend is worth that to me.  I'd make sure there were very very clear boundaries with the best friend.  I'd make sure your  husband knows that isn't true and you want HIM to be your best friend over and above anyone else.  And then make that happen.  good luck
Helpful - 0
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi Kalex, is a soul mate only good while one is alive as my mother lost 3 husbands in her 90 years of life.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
my best friend is a male and he's my soul mate but the man of my life is a completely different person and they both know each other and how important they both are too me.  I refuse to give up my best friend but I will not give up the love of my life.  Soul mate and love of your life don't have to be the same person. Maybe your bf and hubby should spend some time together, is your bf single? that might be an issue, my bf is engaged and we all get along well, most of the time anyways.  BF gf does not appreciate our closeness but I've never looked at my BF as anything more than brotherly love.  
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
My husband only has female friends that were equally as interested in being my friend too.  And I'd never put up with a female thinking she was equal to me being in his life.  The position of wife is above all friendships and if he told me that his soulmate and best friend was someone different than me, I'd be very hurt.  I would not have married someone that felt that way.   I'd say that if you do not have that feeling for your signficant other, you may be with the wrong person.  Just my opinion on it as a long time married woman.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I wouldn't say the man I love and my BF are on equal ground it's a different kind of love. I see my BF as another brother and my man as the one and only I have all desires for.  I can sleep, cuddle with, talk to, make life plans, have babies with my man but with my BFF I rock climb, sky dive, scuba dive, and a bunch of other dangerous sports lol. My man is more the stay at home on safe ground type and I love him so much for it, it keeps me grounded in more ways than one and he's the only one I can imagine being totally one with spiritually and physically. He's a total nerd so I love listening to him talk.  Im a nerd too and lots of times we leave my BFF baffled with our conversations and unless you're really into math, physics, geology people usually get lost with our conversations but I love being able to talk to my man about all these things. I cannot do any of those with BFF but BFF and I served in combat together, been shot at, have stuff exploded by us, etc while in the military and he's my daugther's godfather.  I will always have BFF in my life but only my man will be my husband.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, that makes sense.  And if your future husbad is friendly with your BF, then all is good too.  Sounds like you've found good people to have in your life.  lots of luck and peace
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thanks I consider myself blessed beyond my imagination.  BFF and my man hang out together for "men time" which I am not allowed to partake in but I get to hang out with my girlfriends when they go off together.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have to agree with Specialmom and Londres I just reread the statement and if your husband thinks someone else is the love of your life there is something wrong with that.  I love my BFF but my man is the only love of my life besides my daughter and I make sure to show him and tell him that and he knows it from my actions not just my words.  I think you should take a look at how you treat your BFF and your hubby and make sure that you treat your hubby as your only true love.  If you tell your BFF that you need to cut down on hang out time I am sure he will oblige. If he trully is your BFF he will not allow anything to go wrong with you and hubby because of him.  My BFF and I hang out a lot but thats only because BFf and my honey are cool friends but the moment my honey says he feels we hang out too much or he's not my number one I would be on the phone so fast telling my BFF that we would have to cut our time together and he wouldnt have a problem with that.  BFF fiance's didn't want us hanging out for a while and of course we complied, she's the love of his life.  It may be time to start wooing your hubby and showing him he's number one.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
My husband died, and my new husband once told me he knew that I had lost "the love of my life". It broke my hear the man I loved so much put another man ahead of himself in my heart. I thought about it for a moment, and told him, that I did love my late husband, but he was not the love of my life, and that I loved him just as much as a person possibly can. After our time together became longer than my late husband I told him that he was the "love of my life". I don't understand, at all, how you can let your husband throw it out there that a friend could take the role of "soul mate" or "love of your life" without you adamantly telling him that that is not the case. Listen, I'm guessing I'm older than you. I've had two husband's pass, and I'll let you in on a valuable lesson, you don't want to regret not letting your husband know that your relationship means everything to you, and that you think of him as your soul mate and love of your life, which in my books is the same thing anyways. Of course you love your friend but by not putting your husband above all else, I think you're hurting him, period. Just like my husband threw it out there, so did yours. It was your cue to let him know that there is no one above him, but instead you chose to get caught up in some confusing lesson lesson in semantics. If you love your husband, take your cue, and tell him you've thought about your conversation, and you feel that he cannot be judged in the same way as a family friend. That's it's not possible. And that he's your soul mate and the love of your life. I guarantee he'll feel alot better about you, and sleep a little sounder at night. That's what love is all about, right?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Right on the money, I'm a lot younger but I definitely understand what you are saying and you are right.  My grandparents were married for 73 years before grandma passed away and at her funeral grandpa's only words "I've lost the love of my life" and I feel so sad at his lost because there will be no other.  
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Don't be sad for your grandpa honey, he'll soon be with your grandma, have faith. But, as for you and what you might do....  I really dp hope that you consider the fact that your spouse cannot be compared with a family friend, and let him know that you've reconsidered the conversation. In my opinion, it's bad karma not to.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh I so hope I don't lose grandpa too soon. I know he misses grandma and I am being selfish but I love grandpa too and I want princess to spend as much time with great-grandpa as possible.  I have never once compared my BFF and my man, they are two separate types of loves and my man knows he's my number one and my one and only true love and I make sure he knows it.  He will never have any competition that way.  I've got a great guy and I am not about to lose him over some dumb stuff, no way.  I love him too much and I cannot imagine life without him. My BFF is my daughter's godfather so he will always be in my life but never between my man and I. Besides,  BFF has the utmost respect for me and would never do anything to hurt my relationship with my one and only. He was the one who paid for my ring and helped plan my engagement so that I wouldn't find out until my honey proposed.  My BFF took me ring shopping on the pretext that he was going to propose to his GF and wanted my opinion on a good ring so when  we all got together I thought it was for him to propose to him GF and imagine my surprise when in the middle of the party I see my BFF come towards me holding a box and said hold this for  me please, and goes back to his GF at which point my man came to me and asked me what I had in the box and when I told him he got on one knee and proposed!  I was so surprised! I stammered yes and they all cheered.   That's the kind of friend my BFF is and for BFF engagement we set him up and helped him out.  Years down the road we will all enjoy a good laugh over this. LOL
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.