how to go about this mess ive created?

[fefe01]

So make this as short as possible...in a relationship for almost 8 years, broke up.  First time really free in forever it seemed, met a new guy prolly 6 months after my breakup.  On a downward slop so to speak had nothing no family pretty much everyone turned their backs except this one guy, and in those moments I thought I found out what love was.  I built a relationship with this person and we are still together.  Over ever more times then none now I'm filled with annoyance towards him.  I find and no offense but I find his maturity level to be very low, and it just feds fuel to the fire.   i know deep down this isn't working and we need to part ways but for some reason I'm still here.   my relationship prior was not the best and certain things are starting to stand out like him being controlling, going thru my phone, telling me who i can and can't be with always having to be right next to me regardless if I'm running to the convient store...i however think his love for me is real and everytime i go to break it off he cries and i feel guilty cause he was there when i had no one,   i just can't seem to kick that feeling everytime i go to leave but i hate putting the real me on the backburner for someone else's happiness.  

[AnnieBrooke]

You've got to tell him.  Be sure he knows that you are sorry and don't mean to hurt him but that you know you do hurt him by saying it.  It might help him in the long run, to hear both that you are aware that your rejection hurts him and that you are sorry.  But being sorry if he gets crushed by sadness at yet another person leaving him is not enough of a reason to stay in a relationship that you can tell is not working.

[specialmom]

Oh goodness.  In reading your posts, you sound so sure that this isn't right but just still very emotional about that.  This is understandable after 8 years!  But hon, so true that you are best to break it off now for both of your sakes.  Then you both can move on and find the 'right' partner.  Don't let fear or guilt hold you back from this.

Agree that you should not allow him to move in.  That would compound things and give a relationship that you are seriously thinking you need to leave momentum in the wrong direction.

good luck and let us know how this turns out!

[Londres70]

Well, tell him you appreciate everything he has done to help you, but you just need to be without a bf at this time to figure "you" out.  Offer him the friend option.  

Don't allow him to move in.  Tell him you just aren't ready for a serious relationship now and you don't want to continue this only to hurt him more in the end.

[Life360_Dave]

Relationships require constant work as are 2 different people trying to become one. Nothing wrong with being with someone because they love you as true love is giving up what WE want for another anyway.
Bottom line is there is no prince charming out there (well except for me LOL) to fullfill your life, only you can make  your dreams and those of another come true.

[fefe01]

He's suppose to be moving in with me tomorrow...I can see where I moved fast with this relationship very much so but I was blinded and he's a very sensitive man which there is nothing wrong with at all, but its not for me.  I think to possibly feelings maybe could have formed into something but he's been hurt alot in the past and he still carries that resentment with him.  Like he's expecting something bad to happen.  I mean he's done alot for me in a dark time in my life, and now that I've gotten myself out of it and things are looking up I see the real him I guess.  I'm afraid of him feeling used and hurt like all the times before I'd love to remain friends with him and things we are just not good in a relationship together. I'm in love with the idea of someone, just not someone.

[Londres70]

Hon, you are going to have to be strong and let him know you need to be by yourself at this time and stick to your guns.  You jumped from relationship to relationship without any downtime by yourself unfortunately.

He was ok before you and he will be ok after you.  It is difficult to hurt someone, but you definitely can't sacrifice your happiness.  

Are you living with this guy?

[fefe01]

Like I know by me continuing to stay is only gonna hurt him more I guess what's a good way for me to go about this and for him to try and understand better...