How to leave such a clingy guy

[jaysgirl0703]

I have posted things on here before about if I should leave my husband but now I'm at the point where I told him the other day that I officially want a divorce but he doesn't understand why I want to leave him. I told him its because I don't have feelings for him anymore and we fight to much we are more like brother and sister and would be better being friends. Ok, my problem here is I just can't seem to get away from him hes always glued to my side when I'm talking or texting someone on the phone, or if I go to the grocery store. I'll be lucky if I can ever make it to the court house someday by MYSELF. I want to move away from him so he knows that I'm serious but don't want to take our child away from him and don't know how that would work in the MIDDLE of a divorce. And should I tell him that I want to see other people and be free but I want to play it safe so I don't loose custody of my child in court, because I would like to do 50/50

[jo929]

cortrary to what you may think. The grass is not greener on the other side. Count your blessings    luck   jo

[pcarsey]

It's really a sad situation when one is in love and one is not. When one means it when they say "for richer, poorer, in sickness and in health til death do us part" And one doesn't. Maybe when he married you he really meant those vows. Have the two of you tried counseling? Maybe you could really get it out why you are so angry and why you want out so bad. I wish the whole family luck with this because it isn't like both parties are in agreement. One is angry, the other confused and hurt. Your child(ren) may need some counseling too. Why I suggested the whole family is because it could prevent the two of you from using things against eachother with the kids.

The best of Luck!!

[heatherlynn22]

if my husband said...i want a divorce...i'd be clinging to him like flies to sh!t. usually when a married person is like that with their spouse...they love them. they don't want a divorce. i know my dh and i are still super close and do just about everything together. we go on "couple dates" with our friends, we host parties at our house, play dates with our friends and their kids....even grocery shopping is done as a family.

how long till your divorce is final? have you thought about getting your own place so he doesn't have you there to remind him of the years he's lost? or so he can move on with his life? that would give you the space and what not that you want as well. and i know in pa at least the judge normally grants custody of the children to the mother unless she's seen as unfit...or the husband has a really good lawyer. so if he has a good lawyer....either give in and live with having them every other weekend or get a better one and let him only see his children every other weekend. either way someone will be screwed royally. good luck.

[sammy73]

The problem here is, he doesn't want to lose you.  His clinginess is likely a direct response to you saying you are leaving, the more you try and pull away the harder he will cling on.  Of course, that is counterproductive, because there is not much that is less appealing than someone being so clingy and needy and smothering you.  No wonder you want to pull away!

You could try going to joint couselling.  Very likely he'd agree, in the hope that it will lead to a reconciliation.  But you use the counselling to help make it clear to him that it is over.  It may sink in better in that scenario.  You can also use the counselling to negotiate how the separation would work, in terms of financial things, shared parenting etc.  Much better if this stuff can be worked out amicably, rather than the inevitably adversarial approach when lawyers and courts get involved in the details.

I don't know the law where you live (I don't know where you live!), but I doubt you seeing other people would be relevant in terms of child custody, unless you had set up home with someone who would clearly be bad for your child to be living with.  On the other hand, given where your husband is right now, if you started seeing other guys he might well get very nasty very quickly, and your separation turns from something that can be achieved amicably into something bitter and sour and expensive that damages you, your finances, and your child.  So, for your long-term good, it may make sense to hold off on that until you are at least clearly separated and established living apart.  This may not seem fair to you, but that's how it is.