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Sexual and emotional abuse from husband and father
This will be long, and I apologize if it is in the wrong area as it touches on two subjects.
Sexual manipulation from my husband as well as emotional abuse from my now 73 year old father that has been living with us since my mother died back in 1984. (he bought the houses, at that point we were very young, so they are in his name..My fathers)
For 25 years I have been married, separated two years, but able to manipulate his way back into my life. I remember once when he flashed alot of money in my face if I had sexual relations with him while we were legally separated. My young children and I at that point were basically starving and the money brought tears to my eyes, so I gave him what he wanted. Eventually we got back together because I could not alone support the children and I without serveing oodles of noodles four days a week,one night using the ovulation method and he always keeping the calendar in his wallet, somehow "goofed" and I was pregnant again at age 36. He has since admitted it was his plan to "keep" me.
In the midst of all this there is my father, living with us, with his own obsession towards me. I was his chat partner, his secretary, his cook, his maid etc. and if I spoke up asking him to make his own phone calls, the nasty verbal abuse started. (My mom died at age 43 from cirossis. terrible alchoholic and I was an only child) during the years, the veral abuse, the invasivness..(to the point of walking in on me when I was bathing, or sitting on the tub when I was putting my makeup on)
Trying to condense this a little, the older I got, the less patience with my father I had, and nastier he got.
Continued sexual manipulation, and emotional abuse from my husband. Not allowed to have friends..NONE..not even on the computer. If I was typing too much, he would come see what I was typing. Jealousy was out of control. If strangers looked at me he would lose it. But lose it on me. I didn't dress right..If i was too "friendly" in his opinion, I would get it. (If I drops something and someone picked it up and I said thank you..that was "too friendly")
The sexual manipulation/abuse consisted of things I didn't want to do...Sexual videos in which he would direct. Make me say things I didn't want to say. (I was also sexually abused as a 7 year old child which I am sure made this harder for me, even though I thought I was normal in that aspect because..it "Happened so long ago" Made sure I had a few beers in me before he started filming. Outfits. he would buy, sexual devices he would make me use. All bought by him and locked up in his gun cabinet by him after he made me use them. But I feared him. Because when I did not "behave". He would short the household on our weekly allowance, and even give the kids less lunch money. During the times I was "sick" he was horrible to me, the children..impossible to be around. Three days ago, after one of our "movie sessions" he was telling me.. that it was getting so bad around here that if it weren't for the fact that assault and battery charges would inhibit him to buy any more hunting guns that one of us..(either me or the teenagers) would have gotten hurt. He pinched his fingers together saying "I was this close" (It was only so bad because I had not been willing to make the trip to our other house and hour away and he was biting at the bit. I had The FLU!)
He almost killed me once already. So I have no doubt in my mind.
Because he knows this time I will press charges.
On Janurary 21st of last year I attempted suicide again. I was in ICU for a week, then regular floor for another week and then "accute adult behavior unit" for another three days. I was also addicted to lortab at the time of attempt. (well..actually off for two weeks) I was too embarrassed to bring up the manipulation or the intense attachment my father has to me and his verbal abuse. So they diagnosed me with "Borderline personality disorder" and "In denial" as far as the drug addiction went. WELL, there was a reason I got addicted and wanted to live in a haze to begin with. The night I attempted suicide..My husband (in which everyone thinks is the greatest thing since sliced bread) knew I had the phenobarbial, 200, 7.5mg or so, give or take, I told him I was taking them. He got in the car with the kids as we were having the biggest fight we had had in a longgggg time. I called him once I started getting woozy..(because I took our epileptic dogs pills told him it needed to be refilled and no doubt was a cry for help) He hung up on me and since then I found out right after the call he took the kids out to dinner. While I waited to drift I cut my wrists. My father came home from work early, and as twisted as this is..vacumned around me laying on the floor and did the few dishes in the sink before calling anyone. "I figured you would come out of it and you didn't cut your wrists that deep from the looks of it" I found THIS out after coming out of the mental institue. My father actually TOLD my husband this!!
When I got out of the hospital I had to deal with social services because my husband told my daughter to tell her guidance counselor what happened. I was, I WAS being investigated so it seemed, as my husband only had to meet with the social worker once. I had to deal with her three days a week for months until our case was closed. Which luckily I didn't lose my kids for what I did. He could care less if we had lost them. Had he, he would have at least asked how the weekly inspections went. (during this time I was in therapy and they got alot of information, all good, from my therapist)
My husband never stopped his sexual abuse. Even on the night I returned home from the hospital. He could not give me a break. And since I got out in Feburary, nothing has changed in that aspect. My kids need me, I know this.
Last night, after having his fun two days ago, once again took me to our other house for his activities. Beer ready, everything set in place. But this time, the more beer drank, the madder I got..and what I bottle up inside came out. Last week my dad got beligerant with me because I couldn't do something for him and he told me "You can't even kill yourself right" My husband was right there and never said a word..the verbal abuse from my dad went on and on and my husband never said a word. So that might be what opened the can of worms for me last night. But the bad thing is...My husband might be gone as I told him I never wanted to see him again and I have made an appointment with an attorney tomorrow..but I have no where to go to escape my father, nor the funds to do it with.
I know this is extreme. It only touches on the hell I live everyday..Aside from escaping my husband..how do I uproot my kids with little or no money to get away from my dad that will become even more invasive and controlling and abusive with not only myself, but verabally abusive to my kids..He told my eight year old two weeks ago "I don't even like you anymore" because she didn't jump as soon as he walked in the door to give him a kiss.
I don't know what to do. Where do I go? how do we survive? He didn't allow me to work. And when I did years ago, my anxiety was too much and I ended up quitting.
Sexual manipulation from my husband as well as emotional abuse from my now 73 year old father that has been living with us since my mother died back in 1984. (he bought the houses, at that point we were very young, so they are in his name..My fathers)
For 25 years I have been married, separated two years, but able to manipulate his way back into my life. I remember once when he flashed alot of money in my face if I had sexual relations with him while we were legally separated. My young children and I at that point were basically starving and the money brought tears to my eyes, so I gave him what he wanted. Eventually we got back together because I could not alone support the children and I without serveing oodles of noodles four days a week,one night using the ovulation method and he always keeping the calendar in his wallet, somehow "goofed" and I was pregnant again at age 36. He has since admitted it was his plan to "keep" me.
In the midst of all this there is my father, living with us, with his own obsession towards me. I was his chat partner, his secretary, his cook, his maid etc. and if I spoke up asking him to make his own phone calls, the nasty verbal abuse started. (My mom died at age 43 from cirossis. terrible alchoholic and I was an only child) during the years, the veral abuse, the invasivness..(to the point of walking in on me when I was bathing, or sitting on the tub when I was putting my makeup on)
Trying to condense this a little, the older I got, the less patience with my father I had, and nastier he got.
Continued sexual manipulation, and emotional abuse from my husband. Not allowed to have friends..NONE..not even on the computer. If I was typing too much, he would come see what I was typing. Jealousy was out of control. If strangers looked at me he would lose it. But lose it on me. I didn't dress right..If i was too "friendly" in his opinion, I would get it. (If I drops something and someone picked it up and I said thank you..that was "too friendly")
The sexual manipulation/abuse consisted of things I didn't want to do...Sexual videos in which he would direct. Make me say things I didn't want to say. (I was also sexually abused as a 7 year old child which I am sure made this harder for me, even though I thought I was normal in that aspect because..it "Happened so long ago" Made sure I had a few beers in me before he started filming. Outfits. he would buy, sexual devices he would make me use. All bought by him and locked up in his gun cabinet by him after he made me use them. But I feared him. Because when I did not "behave". He would short the household on our weekly allowance, and even give the kids less lunch money. During the times I was "sick" he was horrible to me, the children..impossible to be around. Three days ago, after one of our "movie sessions" he was telling me.. that it was getting so bad around here that if it weren't for the fact that assault and battery charges would inhibit him to buy any more hunting guns that one of us..(either me or the teenagers) would have gotten hurt. He pinched his fingers together saying "I was this close" (It was only so bad because I had not been willing to make the trip to our other house and hour away and he was biting at the bit. I had The FLU!)
He almost killed me once already. So I have no doubt in my mind.
Because he knows this time I will press charges.
On Janurary 21st of last year I attempted suicide again. I was in ICU for a week, then regular floor for another week and then "accute adult behavior unit" for another three days. I was also addicted to lortab at the time of attempt. (well..actually off for two weeks) I was too embarrassed to bring up the manipulation or the intense attachment my father has to me and his verbal abuse. So they diagnosed me with "Borderline personality disorder" and "In denial" as far as the drug addiction went. WELL, there was a reason I got addicted and wanted to live in a haze to begin with. The night I attempted suicide..My husband (in which everyone thinks is the greatest thing since sliced bread) knew I had the phenobarbial, 200, 7.5mg or so, give or take, I told him I was taking them. He got in the car with the kids as we were having the biggest fight we had had in a longgggg time. I called him once I started getting woozy..(because I took our epileptic dogs pills told him it needed to be refilled and no doubt was a cry for help) He hung up on me and since then I found out right after the call he took the kids out to dinner. While I waited to drift I cut my wrists. My father came home from work early, and as twisted as this is..vacumned around me laying on the floor and did the few dishes in the sink before calling anyone. "I figured you would come out of it and you didn't cut your wrists that deep from the looks of it" I found THIS out after coming out of the mental institue. My father actually TOLD my husband this!!
When I got out of the hospital I had to deal with social services because my husband told my daughter to tell her guidance counselor what happened. I was, I WAS being investigated so it seemed, as my husband only had to meet with the social worker once. I had to deal with her three days a week for months until our case was closed. Which luckily I didn't lose my kids for what I did. He could care less if we had lost them. Had he, he would have at least asked how the weekly inspections went. (during this time I was in therapy and they got alot of information, all good, from my therapist)
My husband never stopped his sexual abuse. Even on the night I returned home from the hospital. He could not give me a break. And since I got out in Feburary, nothing has changed in that aspect. My kids need me, I know this.
Last night, after having his fun two days ago, once again took me to our other house for his activities. Beer ready, everything set in place. But this time, the more beer drank, the madder I got..and what I bottle up inside came out. Last week my dad got beligerant with me because I couldn't do something for him and he told me "You can't even kill yourself right" My husband was right there and never said a word..the verbal abuse from my dad went on and on and my husband never said a word. So that might be what opened the can of worms for me last night. But the bad thing is...My husband might be gone as I told him I never wanted to see him again and I have made an appointment with an attorney tomorrow..but I have no where to go to escape my father, nor the funds to do it with.
I know this is extreme. It only touches on the hell I live everyday..Aside from escaping my husband..how do I uproot my kids with little or no money to get away from my dad that will become even more invasive and controlling and abusive with not only myself, but verabally abusive to my kids..He told my eight year old two weeks ago "I don't even like you anymore" because she didn't jump as soon as he walked in the door to give him a kiss.
I don't know what to do. Where do I go? how do we survive? He didn't allow me to work. And when I did years ago, my anxiety was too much and I ended up quitting.
I to experienced abuse still to this day by my ex-husband the best thing to do is up stop all contact with that person if not your giving gem power to manipulate u go to a church of Christ in your area they will help you and your children please don't wait I'm praying for u and I'm sorry they hurt u so bad know that u deserve the best that life has to offer keep your head up
please...it's been a while...but what has happened. where are you now? was it worth it? I hope you and your family are safe and happy...
OH MY GOD Diamondice!! I cried reading what you have written. It seems so unfair what some people have to endure in life. You DO NOT deserve the **** that your Dad & your husband are placing upon you. BREAK FREE GIRL!! You are a worthy & amazing person & Mother who deserves the love & respect that you have never received. Break the chain & set yourself free, no matter how you have to do it. Make your voice heard...call a shelter, call your congress people, call social services, call the media (if need be), harass if you have to. GET MAD, make a plan. You are loved. There is strength in numbers (don't you know), & those of us that have responded to you, have done so because we truly care. When (not IF), you become stronger....prosecute for the abuse. Your violations are valid. Your life matters!!
For the record Diamondice....i have survived severe physical & emotional abuse. I have survived pregnancy from rape, in addition to child sexual abuse & incest. I have survived abandonment, being left w/o parents at the age of 11. (No foster home, no caregiver...just my older brother & i w/o food or necessities.) I know of what i speak, believe me...
Although i am a productive member of society now, i am only an ordinary person. My life experiences have made me appreciate the little things & most importantly, the value of giving back to others. I am not a religious person per se, so i will not quote biblical passages. Just please know that you are valued & loved by many & that you deserve so much better out of life.
Please respond to me. I am here for you.......Bailey XXX
For the record Diamondice....i have survived severe physical & emotional abuse. I have survived pregnancy from rape, in addition to child sexual abuse & incest. I have survived abandonment, being left w/o parents at the age of 11. (No foster home, no caregiver...just my older brother & i w/o food or necessities.) I know of what i speak, believe me...
Although i am a productive member of society now, i am only an ordinary person. My life experiences have made me appreciate the little things & most importantly, the value of giving back to others. I am not a religious person per se, so i will not quote biblical passages. Just please know that you are valued & loved by many & that you deserve so much better out of life.
Please respond to me. I am here for you.......Bailey XXX
Just wondering how you're doing and how you're holding up.
I hope things are falling into place for you. Let us know if you can.
Best wishes to you, I've been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
-AJH
I hope things are falling into place for you. Let us know if you can.
Best wishes to you, I've been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
-AJH
Well, The appointment went okay I guess. Lawyers confuse me so. Fault/no fault. etc I went for what I could afford with no involvment with the children. They don't need this. They have been through enough. I refuse to drag them down. I am hoping he will just sign the papers, agree to my child support. I am not asking for spousal support as he is a subcontractor and can leave this current store he works for and we won't be able to find him for a while and then I get nothing until he is found. He is vicious in that aspect. He will want to hit me where it hurts because I finally said "no more" Maybe, just maybe he will think of the children for once.
I guess he has someone watching me, because he called the children's cell phones asking them what I was up to and such and such attorney. I got on the phone, calmly and told him and eventually asked him where he would like the papers served. Well omg, more verbal abuse. At one point I started throwing the cell phone in the air and catching it and when I put it back to my ear he was still yelling. ( I do have a silly side) So I hung up on him. He called back and back and then my other childs phone. My oldest, my 18 year old. She has never liked her dad, ( I figured she couldn't handle him) always called him "sperm donor" they don't know eachother. Never did. Well she was silent because he just went on and on talking **** about me and she said he used a "voice" she had never heard and she kinda felt sorry for him? A, sweet, nice, loving voice. OMG, this coming from my oldest..I thought she lost her mind!. Told her I ruined his Birthday. (he has done nothing for my Birthdays in the last 8 years) (that was the day after the above post when I just went off and told him no more) She eventually hung up and left the room crying..OUT of the ordinary..SHE is a TOUGH kid! He worked a number on her. I have NEVER heard her this silent her entire life..SO, Okay, priorities here...a BIRTHDAY? how about 25 years of hell. He Told my daughter that I always talk behind her back and call her my apron strings. (She and I are best friends, I use the term, still attached to the umbilical cord, and that is it) I can't tell you the things he has said to her in her 18 years of life..to her face even. She is an 18 year old virgin..not too long ago he called her a ***** because she opened a myspace account.
So he decided to come over last night after the phone calls to return a work van that was in my fathers name. It got worse. He told me he didn't care if I got a dime from him, that he would stop working, live with his mother and we would have nothing.
Thats how it ended up. So much for the peaceful divorce.
My father, being nice as he can be to me at the moment. Typical of his behavior. But I am not staying here.
My son, a 17 year old actor has a chance to work/intern/learn in New York for the month of August. An understudy program. He does not want to go alone. There is only two spots left and I have already called for details. At the whopping cost of 1850 for the entire month for the studio lol (this news just in after his rehearsal in his latest production in the Shakespeare Festival in our town, at 11pm when I picked him up). And I NEVER borrow money from my father. oh no. When I told him there was probably no way we could do this he got upset, natually. (when he graduates we all had planned on moving to NY for his career. (not the city, but commuting at first) My daughter transfering from here to NY also to finish her degree in criminal investigation. You would think his father would be excited about this, but as all our accounts where in his name I have no access and no doubt they are all closed as he was in the city yesterday I presume, watching me....I will have to disappoint my son. I just hope they don't get to the point where they resent me for leaving my husband and making things more difficult on them in the monentary aspect.
As far as having faith..sometimes it is very hard. but...when I attempted suicide, I was so close to death the doctors didn't think I would make it, and if I did, they figured I would have brain damage. ( they couldn't figure out why I could not talk after a week, or lift my limbs etc) My stomach could not be pumped as it was the first time. It was too late, the drugs had already been absorbed from what I remember them telling me. My memory is really bad, that is the only long term affect that I have from what I did. So maybe...just maybe...
Thank you all so much for your posts..I need to start making phone calls. I also need to start my therapy again, so let me get on it.
Thanks again
Diamond
I guess he has someone watching me, because he called the children's cell phones asking them what I was up to and such and such attorney. I got on the phone, calmly and told him and eventually asked him where he would like the papers served. Well omg, more verbal abuse. At one point I started throwing the cell phone in the air and catching it and when I put it back to my ear he was still yelling. ( I do have a silly side) So I hung up on him. He called back and back and then my other childs phone. My oldest, my 18 year old. She has never liked her dad, ( I figured she couldn't handle him) always called him "sperm donor" they don't know eachother. Never did. Well she was silent because he just went on and on talking **** about me and she said he used a "voice" she had never heard and she kinda felt sorry for him? A, sweet, nice, loving voice. OMG, this coming from my oldest..I thought she lost her mind!. Told her I ruined his Birthday. (he has done nothing for my Birthdays in the last 8 years) (that was the day after the above post when I just went off and told him no more) She eventually hung up and left the room crying..OUT of the ordinary..SHE is a TOUGH kid! He worked a number on her. I have NEVER heard her this silent her entire life..SO, Okay, priorities here...a BIRTHDAY? how about 25 years of hell. He Told my daughter that I always talk behind her back and call her my apron strings. (She and I are best friends, I use the term, still attached to the umbilical cord, and that is it) I can't tell you the things he has said to her in her 18 years of life..to her face even. She is an 18 year old virgin..not too long ago he called her a ***** because she opened a myspace account.
So he decided to come over last night after the phone calls to return a work van that was in my fathers name. It got worse. He told me he didn't care if I got a dime from him, that he would stop working, live with his mother and we would have nothing.
Thats how it ended up. So much for the peaceful divorce.
My father, being nice as he can be to me at the moment. Typical of his behavior. But I am not staying here.
My son, a 17 year old actor has a chance to work/intern/learn in New York for the month of August. An understudy program. He does not want to go alone. There is only two spots left and I have already called for details. At the whopping cost of 1850 for the entire month for the studio lol (this news just in after his rehearsal in his latest production in the Shakespeare Festival in our town, at 11pm when I picked him up). And I NEVER borrow money from my father. oh no. When I told him there was probably no way we could do this he got upset, natually. (when he graduates we all had planned on moving to NY for his career. (not the city, but commuting at first) My daughter transfering from here to NY also to finish her degree in criminal investigation. You would think his father would be excited about this, but as all our accounts where in his name I have no access and no doubt they are all closed as he was in the city yesterday I presume, watching me....I will have to disappoint my son. I just hope they don't get to the point where they resent me for leaving my husband and making things more difficult on them in the monentary aspect.
As far as having faith..sometimes it is very hard. but...when I attempted suicide, I was so close to death the doctors didn't think I would make it, and if I did, they figured I would have brain damage. ( they couldn't figure out why I could not talk after a week, or lift my limbs etc) My stomach could not be pumped as it was the first time. It was too late, the drugs had already been absorbed from what I remember them telling me. My memory is really bad, that is the only long term affect that I have from what I did. So maybe...just maybe...
Thank you all so much for your posts..I need to start making phone calls. I also need to start my therapy again, so let me get on it.
Thanks again
Diamond
First of all I want to thank those that posted with advice. I have done lots of research on the net regarding emotional abuse and any help I might be able to get. Second of all..Today is the first step to changing mine and my childrens lives as my appointment with the attorney is at 9am. I have since found out that in my state I must be separated for a year before divorce. Which seems like such a long time for me. We were separated once before (ten years ago) and he never left me alone. So this time a restraining order is well...in order. I can't believe my timing as my oldest daughter is graduating highschool on Saturday. It will be his entire family against me. I have no family in the U.S except my father. (they came over here from Germany while my mother was pregnant) no brothers, no sisters..nooone at all. no friends. So I am scared. Not for myself per say. But for a scene his family might make at my daughters graduation. (I had to fight with him to be man enough to come to the graduation because he said he wasn't now, he hurts his child to get at me. He would not show up to spite me) One of the best days of her life. We will see what happens, but I am going to file the papers today and I am not sure if separation papers get served?, IF so, then I will ask that they wait until Monday to serve them. He will be SO angry because as I don't know where he is, they must be served at his work place. Another worry.
Needless to say my emotionally abusive father came in my room, sat on my bed ( invasive eh, and I am 44..sheesh) and asked where my husband was.
I told him that he was gone and would not be back. He laughed and said. "yeah, right, your crazy ass can't survive without him" and then laughed hysterically while sitting on my bed. After that comment, I just put my ipod on and waited for him to leave. The thing is..I'm not crazy. They don't realize this. Its not about being crazy or sane, but the way I have been living. What pushes someone over the edge..to try and take their own life...does not make them crazy. Those two need therapy just as well as I do..BUT..my husband made me quit therapy. He would grill me after ever session, asking me what was said etc. I told him...because my shrink touched alot on my sex life with my husband and until now..I was so oblivious I didn't know why. I told my husband one thing he asked about our sexual relations. and since he refused to add me to his insurance was paying cash for the sessions...Cut me off. NO therapy. NO money for therapy. and needless to say, so many thousands of dollars in hospital bills that he will not pay and my credit is **** now.
Anyway..I have to get ready...as far as church goes...I am lutheran..but have not been to church since I got married because I was not allowed. But I will start..but how do I get help from a church? I know I have to get out of this house because of my father, but I have one child going to college, one 17 year old son and an 8 year old. What will happen in a shelter? When I mentioned shelter to them they looked at me like I was crazy.
Thank you all again. I feel this is my first step. I pray all the time, but the odd thing is...I've never prayed for myself. My children, other people..but tonight...for myself as well.
Needless to say my emotionally abusive father came in my room, sat on my bed ( invasive eh, and I am 44..sheesh) and asked where my husband was.
I told him that he was gone and would not be back. He laughed and said. "yeah, right, your crazy ass can't survive without him" and then laughed hysterically while sitting on my bed. After that comment, I just put my ipod on and waited for him to leave. The thing is..I'm not crazy. They don't realize this. Its not about being crazy or sane, but the way I have been living. What pushes someone over the edge..to try and take their own life...does not make them crazy. Those two need therapy just as well as I do..BUT..my husband made me quit therapy. He would grill me after ever session, asking me what was said etc. I told him...because my shrink touched alot on my sex life with my husband and until now..I was so oblivious I didn't know why. I told my husband one thing he asked about our sexual relations. and since he refused to add me to his insurance was paying cash for the sessions...Cut me off. NO therapy. NO money for therapy. and needless to say, so many thousands of dollars in hospital bills that he will not pay and my credit is **** now.
Anyway..I have to get ready...as far as church goes...I am lutheran..but have not been to church since I got married because I was not allowed. But I will start..but how do I get help from a church? I know I have to get out of this house because of my father, but I have one child going to college, one 17 year old son and an 8 year old. What will happen in a shelter? When I mentioned shelter to them they looked at me like I was crazy.
Thank you all again. I feel this is my first step. I pray all the time, but the odd thing is...I've never prayed for myself. My children, other people..but tonight...for myself as well.
Shelters offer a place to live away from your home for you and your children, they also offer cell phones so you can make emergency phone calls. In addition, they offer counseling and other services to help get you on your feet. It's great you are taking steps to change your situation. I think you will find a lot of support when you reach out to a shelter, and to people who specialize in what you are dealing with. Take care!
Definitely call the hotline mentioned above. They can get you set up, as they deal with domestic issues like yours daily.
Good for you for taking the steps to get you and your kids out. I'm so happy you're breaking away from this hellish life you've described. You and your kids deserve so much better.
As for getting help from a church, make sure you get a good feeling from the church members before you tell them anything or ask for help. If you walk in the door, and you just get a simple "hello, welcome" from everyone but that's it, then I'd be hesitant to ask for help from them. But if you walk in the door and many people greet you and talk to you and do everything they can to make you feel welcome and appreciate that you're there, then go for it. Church can be so uplifting and beneficial to your emotional health.
I found and decided on my church strictly on how I was greeted when I walked in the door. The first church I tried when I moved to where I am was awful, because I walked in and not one person even said hi to me. It was like I wasn't even there. Then I went to another church the week after, and I walked in, and everyone was so glad to see me, and not a single person had met me before, but they all treated me like I was a family member from the moment I walked in the door. It was somewhat comparable to a welcome home party! I've been going there every week for a year ever since. I know they'd do anything to help me if I needed it.
Good for you for realizing that you need to pray for yourself. You've been neglecting yourself, and you've paid the price. But God has not and will not fail you. Trust Him entirely to get you through future hardships, which are going to be inevitable. You gave in to your husband's manipulation years ago because of the hardship you were going through without his financial support, and that's understandable, it really is. But think of it this way--Jesus faced hardship and temptation to the extreme. First, he was in the wilderness, hungry and physically weak, and Satan told him to turn stones to bread and eat since he could, being the son of God. He tempted Jesus also with great power over huge cities if Jesus bowed down to him. But Jesus trusted God and did not fall into the trap of Satan's temptations, and he commanded Satan to leave him. You know how God took care of his son after that test of temptation? He sent angels to attend to Jesus (Matthew 4:1-11). God does not fail to take care of us and does not abandon us.
Second, Jesus was suffering on the cross, dying a slow and extremely painful death. The man on the cross next to him told him to save himself, to get off the cross and heal himself if he was the son of God. Can you imagine how tempting that would be? But Jesus again trusted God, as hard as it must have been, and because he loved people so much that he did not want to fail us either. He died, but God resurrected him. Just imagine the kind of trust that demanded of Jesus.
So stay strong, and always know that you can trust God to rescue you in the worst of your hardships. It may seem like he's not there and he's letting you tough it out on your own, but he's watching out for you and ready to help you when you need it.
"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; HE'LL NEVER LET YOU BE PUSHED PAST YOUR LIMIT; he'll always be there to help you come through it." (1 Corinthians 10:13--The Message Bible).
I know others on this forum will probably tear this post apart and tell you that faith in God will get you nowhere. I believe keeping faith itself is a temptation. It's hard sometimes. But stay strong in faith and know that God will not fail you.
Best wishes to you, I'll be praying for you! God bless.
-AJH
Good for you for taking the steps to get you and your kids out. I'm so happy you're breaking away from this hellish life you've described. You and your kids deserve so much better.
As for getting help from a church, make sure you get a good feeling from the church members before you tell them anything or ask for help. If you walk in the door, and you just get a simple "hello, welcome" from everyone but that's it, then I'd be hesitant to ask for help from them. But if you walk in the door and many people greet you and talk to you and do everything they can to make you feel welcome and appreciate that you're there, then go for it. Church can be so uplifting and beneficial to your emotional health.
I found and decided on my church strictly on how I was greeted when I walked in the door. The first church I tried when I moved to where I am was awful, because I walked in and not one person even said hi to me. It was like I wasn't even there. Then I went to another church the week after, and I walked in, and everyone was so glad to see me, and not a single person had met me before, but they all treated me like I was a family member from the moment I walked in the door. It was somewhat comparable to a welcome home party! I've been going there every week for a year ever since. I know they'd do anything to help me if I needed it.
Good for you for realizing that you need to pray for yourself. You've been neglecting yourself, and you've paid the price. But God has not and will not fail you. Trust Him entirely to get you through future hardships, which are going to be inevitable. You gave in to your husband's manipulation years ago because of the hardship you were going through without his financial support, and that's understandable, it really is. But think of it this way--Jesus faced hardship and temptation to the extreme. First, he was in the wilderness, hungry and physically weak, and Satan told him to turn stones to bread and eat since he could, being the son of God. He tempted Jesus also with great power over huge cities if Jesus bowed down to him. But Jesus trusted God and did not fall into the trap of Satan's temptations, and he commanded Satan to leave him. You know how God took care of his son after that test of temptation? He sent angels to attend to Jesus (Matthew 4:1-11). God does not fail to take care of us and does not abandon us.
Second, Jesus was suffering on the cross, dying a slow and extremely painful death. The man on the cross next to him told him to save himself, to get off the cross and heal himself if he was the son of God. Can you imagine how tempting that would be? But Jesus again trusted God, as hard as it must have been, and because he loved people so much that he did not want to fail us either. He died, but God resurrected him. Just imagine the kind of trust that demanded of Jesus.
So stay strong, and always know that you can trust God to rescue you in the worst of your hardships. It may seem like he's not there and he's letting you tough it out on your own, but he's watching out for you and ready to help you when you need it.
"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; HE'LL NEVER LET YOU BE PUSHED PAST YOUR LIMIT; he'll always be there to help you come through it." (1 Corinthians 10:13--The Message Bible).
I know others on this forum will probably tear this post apart and tell you that faith in God will get you nowhere. I believe keeping faith itself is a temptation. It's hard sometimes. But stay strong in faith and know that God will not fail you.
Best wishes to you, I'll be praying for you! God bless.
-AJH
Do yourself a favor - call that hotline first that barnbabe mentioned. You can always pray afterwards, really!
You don't have to live like this. Get help for yourself and your children. I'm sure you don't want your children to grow up thinking it's ok to be treated this way.
First of all, I want to tell you that GOD LOVES you,, and he doesnt want you to stay there, please seek help yout children need you,, you need to get way from your father NOW,, he does not love oyou, start thinking about your kids and you,, you need to help yourself in order to help your kids,, call every place that can help you, but you need to always remeber that your biggest lawyer is JESUS CHRIST,, he will always be there,, I hope that you keep us posted, im sure we all want o know how your doing, GOD BLESS
LA MUNECA
LA MUNECA
omg, hunny, please please for the sake of your children and your sanity, PLEASE seek help! there are so many places out there you can go. church would be a good recourse. But i would go for the police station. i too was abused physically by my exhusband and when he started abusing our toddler children i got out! i grabbed my girls and ran for the hills and never looked back.
please hunny get help. i will light a candle for you and for your childrens safe escape from this horrible abuse.
please hunny get help. i will light a candle for you and for your childrens safe escape from this horrible abuse.
You need help. All of you do. What about a church in your area or a women's shelter? You need to get yourself and those kids out fast. Get away from your Dad and (HOPEFULLY) soon to be ex husband. Call the cops and ask for resources. Call social services and ask for resources. You need protection and a restraining order. Please get out and get help now, before it's too late. You are taking this out on yourself and your children are witnessing some very sick behaviors and dysfunction. They do not deserve this. You need to find courage and strength and think about the prospects of a healthy future, free from abuse and sadness. There is happiness and life on the other side of all of this but only you can make that happen. You would not believe all of the opportunities you have! Imagine having friends, freedom, reasons to smile and a life you feel is worth living again. It might be unfamiliar territory at first but so worth it. You are an adult child of an alcoholic, an abuse survivor and you deserve freedom and happiness. I just get the chills thinking of all of the opportunities you have if you just get out of this sick household and dysfunction. I wish you courage and strength and a healthy future.
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