I'm so po'ed at dh's parents..

[pinkbelle]

i just wanna scream!!!!! so when we told Matt's parents we were getting married and the date we were getting married they said we had to change the date since they were flying up in june for matt's sisters graduation.. but then she said no its ok don't change the date.. well now she is saying if we don't change the date ... they can't come.. WTF!!!!!!  so what they are saying is that matt's sisters graduation is more important to them then our wedding.. which is such BS!  im so extremely mad right now.. this is so unfair to Matt.. he always gets the short end of the stick with them.. its always about his sister... they moved to texas last year and now sarah ( matts sis) wants to move back up ( without her parents) and do her senior year up here.. and they are letting her .. WTF!!!! that is just ridiculous.. who does that?  his sister is such a freakin spoiled brat.. anything she wants she gets.. and its so unfair to matt...  we have already put money down on things for the wedding. .. and i told her that and she said we would have to get that money back and put it on the new date.. this is soo unbelievable!  i am honestly so mad right now that i can't even see straight.. its suppose to OUR day and of course they are making it all about them!  sorry about the spelling but im so pissed right now.. i can't even type right... i just can not believe this BS!

[megochick101]

I was going to tell my wedding story before but changed my mind. I'm just going to say it now in hopes that it will make you feel better about your situation with the inlaws.

My in laws live out of state and didn't have much money at the time to come to our wedding so me and the hubby paid for plane tickets for his mom and dad and they still did not come. What really p*ssed me and the hubby off at the time is that they didn't even tell us they were not going to be able to make it until AFTER the wedding took place.

We arranged for them to have a rental car and everything and when they were late getting to our apartment(they were staying with us), a day before the wedding, we tried to call and see what happened and they never answered. The real kicker for that was the excuse they gave us when we were finally able to reach them. They said (and I quote) "We just didn't feel like making the trip" The plane ride would have been an hour and a half long and they were both in fine health! So we lost the money for the tickets and the deposit for the rental car. Needless to say, we were not very happy with them.

I hope everything works out for you on your wedding day and hopefully all of our problems will help make you feel better about yours lol

[megochick101]

So according to your second post, you guys planned this 6 months before you even knew when his sister's graduation day was? Is your wedding actually on the exact same day or is it just in the same weekend?

I can understand how upset you'd be since your wedding has been planned for 6 months and the fact that your in laws had previously said they would come and then changed their plans. Unfortunately there's nothing you guys can really do about whether or not your in laws do come especially if you've already booked the church and reception hall. it's basically a lose lose situation for you guys. on one hand if you change your plans you'll lose all the money and time that went into them, and on the other if you don't your in laws will probably be upset with both of you.

The only thing I can suggest is if the wedding and graduation fall on different days is to have your in laws fly from your wedding to the graduation or(if graduation is sooner) fly from there to your wedding, which is completely reasonable IMO. Other than that i have no idea on how to make peace with your issues.

On a side note, i think it is completely irresponsible to send a teenager to live out of state from her parents(and live with friends) to graduate just so she can be with her friends. that is crazy to me.

[vmvnpv]

I'm sorry but I stick to my advice.  That's their daughter.  She is graduating and that's pretty much set in stone.  They can't be in 2 places at one time.  Also, you state how you're upset that they wanted to go to their daughter's competition rather than see their "granddaughter."  Again, that's their daughter.  Your daughter is NOT their granddaughter.  It's YOUR daughter.  It will be their step-granddaughter once you get married.  It ***** but that's the way it is.

To Bearhitch~I'm sorry but your situation was different and a lot worse (IMHO).  Sounds like your in-laws really were looking for excuses.  Her step son's wife's birthday vs. her child's wedding.  No comparison.  You can celebrate a birthday any time.  You can't see a graduation again.

[BearHitch]

I am little confused - so you planned the date of your wedding to be the same date as his sister's graduation?  In my opinion that might've been bad planning and it would've set yourself up for this fiasco.  But that might not be the way that it is - either way my advice is the same: this is likely not the last time something like this will happen in your lives together and you should be prepared for that.  I know this for personal experience because I had the same thing happen only for a more trivial reason.  My MIL wasn't going to be able to attend our wedding because it was on the birthday of her step-grandchildren.  We ended up having to change the date because the reception hall was booked, but let me tell you what - then it ended up being on her step-son's wife's birthday and... well it was a mess.  The important thing I would want to impress on you is a) you will never appease everyone and b) do not let your new in-laws make decisions for you.  You are now branching off to make your own family and it will be up to the 2 of you to decide things, including a wedding date.  

Looking back, I wish I hadn't even invited my in-laws and my DH feels the same - unfortunately we cannot go back.  But we also had a TON of problems with that side of the family for a very long time.  Good luck.

[jo929]

i think that i answered your post to quick without really thinking about all parties involved, I really do not think that my response was the right one, I look back on my wedding, and i also remember what all my Mother in law did to help me, she also took care of my children when i had to work, she was there when i was ill, so i did not think of all of these things when you marry it is supposed to be for life, and these people will or should be in your life, you are young, and have plenty of time, also your husband may really be pleased if you offered to wait for his parents, it will make you look like a very good person in his eyes, try not to get to mad at his sis she has a lot of growing to do   whatever you decide i wish you the best  jo

[Judy246]

This is not a good way for new families to begin new relationships. You have two choices: Change the date or keep the date and half of his family will not attend causing hard feelings for the rest of your married life. June is usually high school and college graduation days and a special month for weddings. There must be a happy medium here. If you already booked the Church and banquet reception you must keep the date or see if the Church has another date (Churches are usually booked 1-2 yrs. in advance and June weddings are on demand...I was a wedding coordinator at a church, so I know. The reception hall is the biggest problem, because if you have signed a contract, you can be penalized for cancellations a large sum. So, before getting all worked up, chill and plan this carefully. Anger is not going to solve anything...got to be rational right now. Either Keep you date and his family not participate or change the date to what will work best for everyone.   Good Luck.

[pinkbelle]

vmvnpv-- see the thing is they now live in texas and matts sister lives with them in texas... she just decided she doesn't want to live down there anymore and through a hissy fit and got her own freakin' way so now she is going to go to school back here in pa for her senior year..  we have had our wedding planned and announced for 6 months now..  and i specifically ask her if that date was okay and she said YES now 6 months later its suddenly not okay.. and she wants us to accomodate her...   you have no idea honestly..  they always pick sarah over matt for everything!  they couldn't even come see their grandaughter ( my daughter) because sarah had a competition that week..  this is their first grand child and they couldn't be here to see her because sarah had a competition.. how freakin' ridiculous.. she has competitions every weekend!  its not a college graduation its high school... sarah through a fit until they let her live up here with a friend ( not them) just so she could finish high school with her friends.. are you freakin kidding me!  

[vmvnpv]

I'm going to sound really harsh when I say this but you should have changed the date if it was that important to you guys to have his parents there.  They obviously can't change their daughters graduation day and they made plans to go to her graduation before they even knew the date of your wedding.  Her graduation is an important event too.  Especially if it's a college graduation.  That's a BIG deal!  I also really hate to say it but you sound like you're being a spoiled brat yourself.  I don't think it's fair to put his parents or his sister in the position you have put them in.  You planned your wedding with total disregard to anyone else who may have wanted to come but you guys have made it impossible for them and don't care because it's all about you.  As for the money, you knew she was graduating but you guys went ahead and kept your date anyway.  You guys decided to follow through with the date and put money down.  That's something you guys will have to deal with but don't get angry with his parents for wanting to go to their daughters graduation.  Like I said, if it was that important to you you would have changed the date.  I think you are angry at the wrong people.  I'll probably get a lot of flack for what I said but it's just how I feel.

[heatherlynn22]

the only people who the 2 of you should be appeasing is the 2 of YOU. not his parents, friends, family nor yours. just the 2 of you. the day you want to get married is YOUR day. not theirs. if they feel that a graduation is more important than a wedding....than so be it. this is your day and it should be a day that YOU and your husband wants. not what everyone else is happy with.

[mami1323]

I agree with everyone.  If Matt is ok with keeping the date and not having his parents and sister there, then keep it.  It will be their loss.

[jo929]

I would talk it over with my fiance and if he agrees go on with your plans, if he diagrees there might be problems later  luck jo

[Lucey12]

Well, I know what its like picking a date. When you have your heart set, do it! If possible I would move it to accommodate important family. Dont accommodate everyone. If you have your heat set, and they are going to go to her graduation over the wedding....They arent important  enough to have there anyways. YOU have YOUR day and enjoy it. I ad to boot out a bridesmaid and a maid of honor because everything was about them. They got mad at ME for not inviting them to get stuff for the wedding when it fit my schedule, then I gave them short notice and they couldnt book it off work in time....HELLO not a big deal to get decorations, dont need you there for that, I did however need you at dress fittings which was booked and worked for all 6 of us, but you decided to have some personal time to go camping. They really didnt co-operate at all. We all went to get matching shoes, they came, didnt even look at a shoe, jsut sat there and said "I'm not paying $20 for shoes, Ill get $3 ones at work. (the most basic sandal) Oh and they wanted to wear toe socks with them when they looked they were all "too warm"...HELLO its summer you dont NEED socks. My sister was going to pay for the shoes anyway. But they couldnt afford a $20 pair of shoes for your "friends" wedding but can go buy a DOG??? Anyways, thats part of my bad wedding stories. I have a post about pictures to you can rant with me on there. lol. Hope your wedding is awesome! All the best to you both.

[imanaddict]

I know this may sound a little harsh, but you cannot appease everyone all the time. If you moved the date around to suit everyone's needs, you'd probably never get married. Do what works for you and if someone can't come, too bad so sad! You are right, your wedding is YOUR day (and your fiance) and it's supposed to be special. Don't let anyone take that away from you!

I used to let one of my friends do that to me and I held the biggest grudge for years because of it, rather than just standing up to her. She planned my birthday lunches, my bachelorette party, etc around what was good for her, and the same for our mutual friend. On my birthday in 2007, I let it ALL out and unleashed years of anger on her and stopped being her friend. I just couldn't handle it anymore!

[have 2 kids]

I wouldn't change the date unless the two of you WANT to.   If they don't come it's their loss.  (I know it's upsetting- been there and dealt with it)  Don't let anyone ruin your plans.